Tag: transrelationships
When to Disclose?
In my opinion it should be brought up pretty early in the relationship. Especially since it can be a deal breaker for some people. Sucks but its true. Everyone have a right to their preferences no matter how close minded or shallow you may feel they are.
I think it goes to how deep you want the relationship to go and how much are you willing to share. If you don’t plan on telling them you have morning gas repeatedly every day then you probably aren’t going to share your complete anatomy with them either. Or if they know your parents and your full social you most likely have already told them extensively about your childhood.
I am 30 years old I don’t really have time to settle with some one who can’t appreciate all of me. Trust me my anatomy has nothing to do with the way I communicate in a relationship, or how I get the bills paid(not knocking anyone who does tho), or if I’m going to be a loving, understanding and caring boyfriend. I am more concerned if my partner can cope with my bipolar disorder than my experience and what led me to be the man I am.
And of course let’s be real people its 2020 and the world ain’t so black and white as it never was. Honestly, if this is a question you have to ask yourself don’t you think you should maybe either change the company you keep, the individuals you seek after or really do some inner seeking and find who you are, yeah?
circaMarch2018
Dating as A Transgender
Many people have talked about this subject, and I have decided to hop on the band wagon. Ha ha. No seriously. A lot of people miss the actual important difference when dating someone who is transgender vs dating someone who isnt.
Of course the main difference is simply just the word transgender. Notice I say the word instead of actually “being transgender”. Because like most transgender individuals; we realize that it really boils down to that one word.
Looking at it this way. A transgender male such as my self; either dating a woman who is transgender or a woman who is not transgender. Simply for example, I may have a preference but I do not discriminate.
Now dating someone who is also transgender means I don’t really have to explain in detail what it means to transition and whatnot because my partner has also experienced some type of transition.
Of course I know that mtf / ftm are also very different transitional experiences but just grabbing the complete concept of transition from one gender to another is difficult without first hand experience.
Also friends and family are already aware; regardless of personal stance, with the term transgender and you don’t get bombarded with the typical “seeing a transgender up close for the first time” questions like:
- So what was your name
- Did you have the surgery
- Do you have before pictures
- So how do y’all have sex
Yes, I am very aware that you may still receive questions like this from family and friends of your partner. But usually they have already been briefed on what’s PC and what isn’t. Usually…
Vs dating a one gender woman’s whose family and friends MIGHT be familiar with what it means to be transgender. Even though media wise we aren’t shown in the best light all the time. I mean it is 2018. But apparently some people are still ignorant. Then not only do you risk being exposed to those stupid and sometimes triggering questions but you may face people in your partners circle that are more than just ignorant.. yes I’m talking about the transphobic.
Cause let’s face it. As a transperson most of us will not stand to be associated with someone who is transphobic for obvious reasons. But to a one gendered person those reasons and being associated with someone who is transphobic doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. But it would be a big deal to the partner of course.
Now do we see that this is a topic that doesn’t receive a lot of attention…. But really should…
Again I am not showing favoritism. So like look at this from another angle. If yours truly is dating a one gender woman there is certain aspects of my body she would have more understanding, and I would have less explaining to do; as far as biology goes. Honestly pre/post/non operation status doesn’t matter; at one time both have share experience in the same sex body. (Hope I said that without offending anyone too much)
That is the only Pro I can’t personally vouch for… My apologies.
There’s always pro’s and cons to every relationship cis/one gender or trans; hetero or homosexual. But put the word “Trans” on something and people always go straight for the genitals; “How do you have sex?” A relationship period is more than just sex. Yup, sex with someone who is trans is definitely different, but sex with a little person would be different too. Let’s be a little more concerned with how people love instead of how they have sex.
Protected: Gendercat*** 3D Floating Testicles aka “Amazeballs” review
Konfidence is Beauty **Mink lashes
Sooooooo yea..
The lashes, I’m sorry; MINK lashes, were not for me of course 🤦…
However, I was blown away by the customer service 💯. So why not spread the word. Just cause I didn’t use the product personally doesn’t mean I can’t give a review. People do it all the time on Yelp.
So anyways
The owner Ji’hana was simply the best 💯. I know just about nothing about lashes minus the fact they grow on my face. I wanted the gift to be a surprise but I also didn’t want to be the boyfriend that doesn’t pay attention to his girlfriend enough to know what kind of lashes she likes. What I’m saying is I wasn’t the average or the easiest customer but she made me Konfident in my order and that my girlfriend was going to love her gift.
Even with the holiday jams at the post office it still made it’s way to me before Christmas and I was super excited for my girlfriend to open her gift. I don’t remember the exact amount of days between order, confirmation, shipping and arrival but the whole process wasn’t more than 3 weeks.
My girl loved her lashes and she was so excited she didn’t even wait till Christmas. 🤦.
I know I don’t really have much to “review” but I love the way the look and I know she likes them so that’s all that matters. But what I can say about these high quality MINK lashes is they don’t look like those gross big black caterpillars back home after a few wears 😂.
She tries to keep them in the original case when she isn’t wearing them since the case is cute and would keep them in good condition and she won’t have to always ask me where her lashes are. Key word here being “tries”.
Fellas I definitely suggest you get ya girl a pair of two, she’ll love them and you won’t regret it.
Ladies, you see the pics enough said but guess what she also sells all types of quality hair as well as doing individual MINK lash AND bundle installations.
My girlfriend had this to say:
“I love the lashes they feel so nice, very full, they give me such a wonderful effect on my eyes and I most definitely will recommend them to my friends”
Ya girl Ji’hana is a beast make sure to go check out her website
https://www.konfidenceisbeauty.com/
Dear LGB , T , QAI , etc
I fight back…
And we all know my blogs are unfiltered and I will read you your rights.
But apparently it would seem that my image had gone soft….
Just because I don’t address everything doesn’t mean I don’t see it or I don’t feel some type of way about it. I practice a lot more self care now and have greatly reduced the amount of stress I put myself through on a daily basis.
I still see the transphobia, the loss of unity within our community, the judgement, the shade, the hate, the comparison, I see it and it STILL makes me sick. I have just choosen to live more healthy lately.
Oh but I still see you and ya bullshit.
I don’t care who you are but I will not tolerate any negative energy, vibes or statements aimed at LGB , T or Q community and it’s individuals. With that being said emphasis on the “I don’t care who you are” ; meaning if you are part of any of the communities mentioned prior and think that because you are “part of the community” you are safe to say whatever hurtful, negative or triggering bullshit you want to those also in the community.
BECAUSE I WILL CALL YO BITCH ASS OUT!
” Iman, what do you mean? “
I mean exactly what the fuck I said. Cause apparently the last time I blogged about how we should protect and pick each other up in a calm reasonable manner no one listened so nowwwwwwww, now I gotta get ignant 🙄.
Just because you are a transman don’t mean you can down talk other Tguys on how the choose to transition or what they decided to do with their bodies.
Just because your gay/lesbian & one gender doesn’t mean you can question transgender people on why they “just didn’t stay gay/straight”
Just because you’re GNC does not give you the right or reason to misgender and judge those who choose to transition. AND VERS VISE.
Just because you are a heterosexual transgender individual doesn’t mean it’s ok to speak down or negatively on the trans folxs that identify as bi or pansexual.
Just because you identify as a lesbian doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to misgender and invalidate transmen.
Just because you identify as a gay male doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to misgender and invalidate transwomen.
Transmen. It is NOT ok to disrespect transwomen.
Transwomen. It is NOT ok to disrespect transmen.
Just because your are a transwoman it doesn’t make it ok for you to judge other transwomen by the way they choose to transition or live their lives.
Just because your transgender doesn’t mean you can misgender or judge individuals who identify as GNC or A gender.
If you don’t know by now I don’t play with all this damn hate and judgement inside our own community walls. I can’t stress enough that we ALL have to face the negativity of cis heteronormative assholes…. Let’s not do this to each other.
” Get your shit together people ! “
Social platform handles
IG : iman.da.god
Twitter rants: iman_da_god
AMOSC: Selfmadekris
Transguys having babies ?…
Yes for some reason this is always a question…🙄
Asked by whom…. Transguys 🤦
I’ve already done several rants on this subject on several social platform but I realized I only slightly touched on transmen procreating in an older blog so I figured I would clear the fog today.
” IF IT’S NOT YOUR FUCKING BODY WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WORRIED. “
So sick of this dumb ass community pointing fingers & judging each other.
And thats all I feel like I have or anyone should have to say on the subject.
-Iman
Letter to my exes…
No , no don’t panic. This is not a petty blog..
Dear Ex,
What we had was special. At the time, I’m assuming; maybe not. That was then. This is me now. For whatever reason you didn’t make it to this chapter of my life; but that is neither here nor there now. I came to say that you taught me something. Wether it was a painful lesson or a bittersweet memory. No, you did not make me who I am today but you are forever part of my past. Something that can never be erased only learned from. However the promises I may have made, promises that I intended to keep; are no more. The past is the past for a reason. Irregardless to the facts and circumstances that lead you to becoming an Ex, I am grateful for all the learning experiences. And I am overjoyed to tell you that I am not the broken person you once knew…
-I am Iman
90 days in Dryden.
It seems like so much longer than that…
Only because I’ve done so much since September. Several trips to NYC, a few trips to Philly, a road trip to Vermont & solemn return home. Conferences, marches, birthdays, funerals, vacations, just becauses. My travels over the last 3 months were strenuous, interesting, enjoyable and even heartbreaking.
I’ve had ups and downs. Ha ha’s and oh shit’s. But still the end of 2017 was better than the beginning of it and for that I am totally grateful.
My 360 wave journey has been a rough one but as it should be I hate dealing with my hair. I wanted to get a little more in shape and bulk up a little but… holidays 🤦. In good news in these few months I’ve got to try something amazing products and I can’t wait to see what type of Christmas goodies I get.
I didn’t think I would like this small village… Jury is still out, but I don’t hate it.
Here’s to new beginnings 💯💯
Let’s talk HOW DO YOU MAKE A RELATIONSHIP LAST* #WhatsUpIman
Phew 😶
Well this is going to be an interesting discussion…
…Considering the question is talking about trans*relationships. Specifically transmen & transwomen. I want to get this off my chest. In my personal opinion alot of these relationships (trans) fall apart because the lack of attention and communication mixed with the vast amount of infidelity because so many other single trans individuals seem to be “waiting in the bushes”.
Some things are different in a cis- hetero normative couples and transgender (mtf/ftm) couples of course. That’s from the strain of actually being transgender.
Personally, I believe all relationships thrive with communication, understanding, honesty, and loyalty; in that order. Trans or One gender.
Communication is definitely key. Without it a relationship can’t move forward of progress or be healthy. If you cannot easily talk to your partner about things you disagree on eventually conversation will become one-sided, passive aggressive, dry and eventually probably not at all.
When I say communicate I mean listen with the intentions to understand not with the intentions to soley respond. Listen with the best of your ability to understand and sympathize. It goes a long way. By doing this your partner will feel more comfortable to discuss more things with you and be more open and less defensive.
Understanding what your partner verbally expresses to you in conversation & communication is important but it is also key to understand your partner as a person. Not only what they like and dislike but how things and situations make them feel. Then you can have a better understanding on why they react the way they do in certaint scenarios. Too often we find ourselves assuming partners, friends, associates, strangers etc; are doing or reacting to something negatively because we don’t truly understand that person. It’s not really nagging if you understand why they are nagging.
Honesty. Yup. Honestly is third on the list. Without understandable communication being honesty is basically pointless. You can be honest with a person all you want but if you or your partner lack communication skills it’s can be complicated to really understand what is being said and if things are misunderstood sometimes it will appear the the person is being dishonest.
Save the best for last, LOYALTY. This is more than just being faithful to the relationship. It’s actually being loyal. To the person , the relationship , and the goal. It’s so much more than just not cheating. Imagine a knight loyal to a kingdom. No only does he not side with another kingdom but he defends the honor of his kingdom at all cost. So looking at it like that not only should you remain faithful but honor your partner and respect the love and relationship you are building together.
I honestly believe most failed relationship could have worked if people took the time to make it work. Easier said then done I’m sure. But try to remember your partner is human. No human is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. But if have communication, understanding, honesty and loyalty (and are actually compatible) you should be find.
But then again I’m not Dr Phil & I am a divorcee…. But I found love again so I have pretty good faith if an asshole boyfriend like me can; anyone can.
imankingblog 