Hard work pays off

..  or I just have really good luck

Either way life has been going good. Recall me blogging about abruptly losing one job back in December (a week before christmas) then I got hired 3 days later and starting working a week later. Well things have come a long way since then.

This dish washing job was what I thought was just something that would keep me afloat untill I either won the lottery or figured out life. However it quickly turned into something great. Of course I was putting in an enormous amount of hard work and effort into it. Because this was the only thing I had at the time to keep me from sinking.

Originally hired as “kitchen help” I learned a new skill as far as cooking; ๐Ÿ˜‹ now I know how to toss dough, ๐Ÿ˜ been tossing salads for a while now tho. Of course me being my own worst critic and never ever having tossed dough let alone do anything else with a pizza besides either order, put it in the over or eat it. I quickly got frustrated a seized the opportunity to quietly maneuver to busboy/dishwasher. 

“Like always pot brings people together.”

Just so happen that the current dishwasher wasn’t thrilled about coming to work. Probably a college kid just look to have something to do sometimes a a small paycheck. So soon it went from picking up his shifts, to; “you’re the only dishwasher”. Seems like a miniscule job, one the someone would not desire. Nope. Not me. Doing pretty much mindless one task labor for a decent amount is fine with me. Can’t go to work stoned of you’re an accountant or a brain surgeon. Think about.

Still, the “decent” amount of money wasn’t really making me smile on paydays exactly. So I worked a little harder. Picked up extra deep cleaning shifts. Made my schedule completely flexible. Stood out there. Went above and beyond. Showed up and showed out. At first I felt like I wasn’t being taken seriously then *boom* I came in the clutch. Earned some respect, recognition and not to mention hours and money.

And now. .    it was time for my demands. I started asking around; who does what & why and how long before I can start to do that??? Still seemed like I wasn’t getting the results I wanted so I snatch my chance like women snatch they edges. 

Made the leap from dish to expo. When they needed a hand I was there. Slowly at first then a little more confident and a lot less mistakes. Still, effort for no movement. But I was waiting on a raise from my MVP moment so I was content and enjoy the switch from dish to expo at my leisure. Since my title was still dish but also liked to lend a hand and give my brain different task.

“Some have greatness thrust apon them”

The light at the beginning of the tunnel. A morning chef was calling it quits and enough faith had already been proven from my part that the position was mine. It came as more of a question than a statement. However, I was still being called for those hail Mary plays and, well my arm was getting tired. And let’s not forget IMAN IS NOT A MORNING PERSON. So now I’m starting to think this isn’t really the tunnel I want.

Originally reluctantly I had to speak up that I was getting burned out with working my normal nights , then detailed mornings. Much less reluctant when me mentioning another raise got brushed off like a snow flurry. Whilst asking me to do additional mornings for training. Still waiting for a raise. Not to mention on top of insomnia and my sleep pattern officially going to shit around that time.

Still I rise, tho. Keep working hard, giving 109% and most importantly having a flexible work availability schedule. Immediately after dropping the details to focus on morning trainings. Things get switched again. And not only do I keep my nights instead of having to train in the mornings (at open btw) but a closing manager position opens up and my training started the following shift, which happened to be that same night. Plus I am currently working at my new wages ๐Ÿ’ฏ

Present day:

Working 2 weeks straight putting in extra time and effort into my training and once again proving that I am that MVP. Already 2 weeks into to the 6 of +40hrs/week you need to qualify for full time benefits. Hopefully here after my training it will simmer down and I can work a set schedule 40 and can go back to having a normal life.

Thanks for stopping by

I don’t know if it was hard work, because I’ve put in hard work before and got nothing. But I’ve literally have done no work not even fake work and been lucky. So maybe this time it’s a little bit of both ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿพ

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Life is AMAZEBALLS ! **NEW PRODUCTS @ GenderCatโ„ข

Or at least products over at GenderCatโ„ข are !! And NOW even BETTER than before !!!

To bring you up to speed ;my first soft intact packer with amazeballs….. Is no more. Long story increasingly shorter, I received my new “and improved” 4inch soft intact packer with amazeballs!

I can feel that material in the sack is stronger and way less likely to tear or bust. Still with awesome floating 3D testicles. It’s been a few weeks but I am already confident and me and my new packer are already inseparable. 

But wait ….. THERE’S MORE !!!!

You can now purchase the awesome body and prosthetics safe soap that is used so GenderCatโ„ข headquarters.

Also prosthetics with the fascination sleeve add on now come with a nifty sleeve insert so you can now adjust the depth of your fascination sleeve or opt out of engaging the sleeve altogether at your leisure.

Once again they are improving the trademark self adhesive sheets we have all grown to adore. Now made with stronger adhesive and easy peel backing. 

“Every time with this company. It’s a swing away and a home-run. I only wish I knew about it sooner”

GenderCat website is now more user friendly head on over and check them out.

Figuring out you have a manipulative partner/friend.

Something that we don’t talk about enough in the transgender community. Men & Women. Let’s be honest; too often we are seen as fetishes, trophy or the “trans friend” everyone is so proud to have. It results in wasted time, broken hearts and unfortunately for some of my sisters a lost of a life. Most of these issues stem from a partner/friend not truly being comfortable with themselves. So they manipulate the situation and perception of it.

The biggest and most dangerous manipulative situation for alot of us is a partner whom is not yet comfortable with themselves trying to reflect that paradigm on their transgender partner. This is detrimental to our mental health and to some who fall into situations with those who would rather take a life than admit attraction to someone who is transgender; is down right deadly.

“Being trans and pursuing a relationship or a friendship is hard.”

Taking being transgender out of the equation (I know not all of my readers are trans) having a partner or friend who is manipulative is sooooo stressful. Manipulate individuals use words and actions to cause others to react the way they want them to. Often times we don’t even realize we are getting manipulated. 

Statements like:

  • “All I want know..”
  • “But it really isn’t my fault..”
  • “You shouldn’t feel that way..”
  • “Well remember when you..”

Are basically avoiding the actual situation being discussed, redistributing fault, and forcing feelings and paradigms on another; usually the one that initiated the conversation. It may seem like the person is listening and understand but subtle words & phrases, such as the ones just started; usually proves otherwise.

Everyone is guilty of this to some extent, myself included. It is not always done maliciously but it can differently take a toll if done repeatedly. Especially if it’s brought up to be received as manipulation or several occasions and it is continued.

As you let someone in and they begin to understand what exactly makes you tock they are also learning what makes you tickets. How to push your buttons. Most of the time these triggers are learned subconsciously and shouldn’t be a problem. You should care for a person through the good, the bad & the ugly. 

It’s when individual take this acquired knowledge and use it to force you in to emotions or actions to benefit them that it becomes manipulation. Everyone, literally everyone does this! *To some extent.

Parents use it to get their children to behave. Companies do it to their employees to get to work diligently. Countries do it to get their citizens to comply. It’s not always malicious, it’s not always negative. But when it’s don’t repeatedly it alters the relationship and communication between whatever parties are involved.

So then how do you know when your friend/partner is actually being manipulative or just being human?

Ahhh, that is the part where it gets complicated and begins to be in a grey area. My personal opinion is to voice how you feeling, should you start feeling manipulated. It will be the person’s reaction and response that will give you all the signs you need to know. Also take into consideration how often you use words and actions to manipulate others and definitely towards your partner/friend that you are having the discussion with.

Understanding is key. Remorsefulness is the deciding factor (for me). 

Sometimes it’s a learned trait, adefense mechanism acquired through life and sometimes it’s just a bad habit picked up.

It takes someone who is truely comfortable with themselves to admit “I am being manipulative in our realtionship and I apologise”

How sugarcoated or how blunt you wish to confront said individual is entirely up to you. However, I can say from experience that sooner rather than later is usually best. No one likes to be manipulated into doing/feeling anything. Holding it in can make the initial conversation hard.  

My advice to anyone would be: First try to understand where the person is at in life and what is causes these actions. Then decide if you want to receive those actions as malacious or just plain old human nature. Lastly have a talk with them and voice how you feel and what you would like to be changed. Most importantly understand that no one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes & they way someone is feeling is never for you to decide if it’s right or wrong. 

 A feeling or emotion is exactly that.

 I hope this blog has helped a least one person begin to understand and figure out which side of a manipulative situation they are on and take the means to correct it. ๐Ÿค—

Thanks for reading!

Dating as A Transgender

Many people have talked about this subject, and I have decided to hop on the band wagon. Ha ha. No seriously. A lot of people miss the actual important difference when dating someone who is transgender vs dating someone who isnt.

Of course the main difference is simply just the word transgender. Notice I say the word instead of actually “being transgender”. Because like most transgender individuals; we realize that it really boils down to that one word. 

Looking at it this way. A transgender male such as my self; either dating a woman who is transgender or a woman who is not transgender. Simply for example, I may have a preference but I do not discriminate.

Now dating someone who is also transgender means I don’t really have to explain in detail what it means to transition and whatnot because my partner has also experienced some type of transition. 

Of course I know that mtf / ftm are also very different transitional experiences but just grabbing the complete concept of transition from one gender to another is difficult without first hand experience.

Also friends and family are already aware; regardless of personal stance, with the term transgender and you don’t get bombarded with the typical “seeing a transgender up close for the first time” questions like:

  • So what was your name
  • Did you have the surgery
  • Do you have before pictures
  • So how do y’all have sex


Yes, I am very aware that you may still receive questions like this from family and friends of your partner. But usually they have already been briefed on what’s PC and what isn’t. Usually…

Vs dating a one gender woman’s whose family and friends MIGHT be familiar with what it means to be transgender. Even though media wise we aren’t shown in the best light all the time. I mean it is 2018. But apparently some people are still ignorant. Then not only do you risk being exposed to those stupid and sometimes triggering questions but you may face people in your partners circle that are more than just ignorant..  yes I’m talking about the transphobic.

Cause let’s face it. As a transperson most of us will not stand to be associated with someone who is transphobic for obvious reasons. But to a one gendered person those reasons and being associated with someone who is transphobic doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. But it would be a big deal to the partner of course.

Now do we see that this is a topic that doesn’t receive a lot of attention…. But really should…

 Again I am not showing favoritism. So like look at this from another angle. If yours truly is dating a one gender woman there is certain aspects of my body she would have more understanding, and I would have less explaining to do; as far as biology goes. Honestly pre/post/non operation status doesn’t matter; at one time both have share experience in the same sex body. (Hope I said that without offending anyone too much)

That is the only Pro I can’t personally vouch for… My apologies.

There’s always pro’s and cons to every relationship cis/one gender or trans; hetero or homosexual. But put the word “Trans” on something and people always go straight for the genitals; “How do you have sex?” A relationship period is more than just sex. Yup, sex with someone who is trans is definitely different, but sex with a little person would be different too. Let’s be a little more concerned with how people love instead of how they have sex.

Konfidence is Beauty **Mink lashes

Sooooooo yea..

The lashes, I’m sorry; MINK lashes, were not for me of course ๐Ÿคฆ…

However, I was blown away by the customer service ๐Ÿ’ฏ. So why not spread the word. Just cause I didn’t use the product personally doesn’t mean I can’t give a review. People do it all the time on Yelp.

So anyways 

The owner Ji’hana was simply the best ๐Ÿ’ฏ. I know just about nothing about lashes minus the fact they grow on my face. I wanted the gift to be a surprise but I also didn’t want to be the boyfriend that doesn’t pay attention to his girlfriend enough to know what kind of lashes she likes. What I’m saying is I wasn’t the average or the easiest customer but she made me Konfident in my order and that my girlfriend was going to love her gift.

Even with the holiday jams at the post office it still made it’s way to me before Christmas and I was super excited for my girlfriend to open her gift. I don’t remember the exact amount of days between order, confirmation, shipping and arrival but the whole process wasn’t more than 3 weeks.

My girl loved her lashes and she was so excited she didn’t even wait till Christmas. ๐Ÿคฆ.

I know I don’t really have much to “review” but I love the way the look and I know she likes them so that’s all that matters. But what I can say about these high quality MINK lashes is they don’t look like those gross big black caterpillars back home after a few wears ๐Ÿ˜‚.

She tries to keep them in the original case when she isn’t wearing them since the case is cute and would keep them in good condition and she won’t have to always ask me where her lashes are. Key word here being “tries”.

Fellas I definitely suggest you get ya girl a pair of two, she’ll love them and you won’t regret it.

Ladies, you see the pics enough said but guess what she also sells all types of quality hair as well as doing individual MINK lash AND bundle installations. 

My girlfriend had this to say:

“I love the lashes they feel so nice, very full, they give me such a wonderful effect on my eyes and I most definitely will recommend them to my friends”

Ya girl Ji’hana is a beast make sure to go check out her website 
https://www.konfidenceisbeauty.com/

Letter to my exes…

No , no don’t panic. This is not a petty blog..

Dear Ex,

What we had was special. At the time, I’m assuming; maybe not. That was then. This is me now. For whatever reason you didn’t make it to this chapter of my life; but that is neither here nor there now. I came to say that you taught me something. Wether it was a painful lesson or a bittersweet memory. No, you did not make me who I am today but you are forever part of my past. Something that can never be erased only learned from. However the promises I may have made, promises that I intended to keep; are no more. The past is the past for a reason. Irregardless to the facts and circumstances that lead you to becoming an Ex, I am grateful for all the learning experiences. And I am overjoyed to tell you that I am not the broken person you once knew… 

-I am Iman

90 days in Dryden.

It seems like so much longer than that…

Only because I’ve done so much since September. Several trips to NYC, a few trips to Philly, a road trip to Vermont & solemn return home. Conferences, marches, birthdays, funerals, vacations, just becauses. My travels over the last 3 months were strenuous, interesting, enjoyable and even heartbreaking.

I’ve had ups and downs. Ha ha’s and oh shit’s. But still the end of 2017 was better than the beginning of it and for that I am totally grateful. 

My 360 wave journey has been a rough one but as it should be I hate dealing with my hair. I wanted to get a little more in shape and bulk up a little but… holidays ๐Ÿคฆ. In good news in these few months I’ve got to try something amazing products and I can’t wait to see what type of Christmas goodies I get.

I didn’t think I would like this small village… Jury is still out, but I don’t hate it.

Here’s to new beginnings ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ’ฏ

The secret to my facial hair growth. v2.0

I’VE DONE IT!!!!!

I FOUND THE KEY TO GROWING FACIAL HAIR….

Sorry if you don’t smoke marijuana.. this maybe out of your reach unless you have pothead friends๐Ÿค˜๐Ÿ˜Ž

Yes. The key is weed.

As we all should know, marijuana has several helpful uses. Treating diseases like cancer. Helping mental disorders like anxiety. Improving appetite and cognitive function.

A Tbro of mine hipped me to the secret last year… I’m pretty gullible for old wives remedies and natural herbs for ailments. And of course it was always on hand with me ๐Ÿ˜Ž especially at the time.

“Weed ashes bro.”

“Weed ashes bro?”

And that’s how it all began….

I originally started randomly ashing the blunt in my hand and rubbing on my chin. Didn’t really think too much of it and any new whiskers I came across I chalked it up to being remotely still somewhat in therapy. But as the months progressed and I again found myself weaned out of therapy the gains were still apparent, and still happening. So then I started to put more thought into.

Fast forwarding to a few months ago when I moved into my apartment (by this time I am convinced the ashes do help stimulate hair growth), from the first blunt I smoked in my house to this very day I have been ashing my blunts,joints, bowls etc into a small container. I knew that I would eventually find a way to combine the ashes with other natural products in hope to create my own beard oil/cream.

Almost to current time now..

About 6 weeks ago I ran across a unique concoction of natural oils that help facial hair growth AND that also didn’t smell like ass. So of course now I have to figure out how I was going to mix the ash and the oils & how I planned to apply it to my face.

4 weeks ago at the beginning of “No Shave November” I said fuck it and just went for it. At this point I have been out of therapy for just about 2 months. Also attended my Aunt’s funeral the first week of November so I was clean shaven to my normal stache and struggling goatee. 

Soo with all of the variables going in to the month of November compared to the gains documented during December I believe it’s safe to say; “By George! I think he’s got it!”

So with the confidence that I now I have in all this January will be my official documents of the gains from my “not officially named yet” beard oil. ๐Ÿ˜Ž

Never too old to discover your hidden talent. That’s why its called “hidden” talent.

-Iman

iAMi **FTM Beard Shop

Before I even talk about this product I have to say I loved loved loved it!!!!

So I opted for the full beard kit. Which includes beard shampoo & conditioner, beard butter & oil. I choose the beard kit because I’m over excited to graduate from baby beard & everything looks so awesome I couldn’t just try one product.

All of his products are homemade with natural oils & products. Plus he also offers several different style tshirts and even has transpride socks.

Package arrived within 2-3 business days if I’m not mistaken it was over the Thanksgiving break for me so I was out of town. But the owner did contact me to see if I had received my order. He was also in touch through my order to answer any questions I had.

When I got my beard kit everything smelled so natural and herbal & everything was clearly and cooly labeled I could barely wait to try it. 

The beard wash I ordered came in a small deodarant like container which was awesome to me so I didn’t have to worry about getting my beard so dirty since… Ya know.. I put it on my face. The natural ingredients had my face and baby beard all tingly suds well and it left my face squeaky clean.

The container needs a gentle shake as some of the oil settles during shipping but again it feels great and it leaves my face and facial hair feeling soft after letting it set for a few minutes as per instructions in the kit.

I use the beard butter before I go to sleep. I noticed after the first few days my baby goatee wasn’t dry or itchy even after a touch up at the barber. Also I felt as if my hair had became healthy and stronger.

I use the beard oil in the mornings or when I’m going to be out and about. Not really a particular reason other than it has a stronger smell than the butter and because I don’t want to wear oil to bed.

Its only been 2 weeks but I definitely give this product ๐ŸŒŸ ๐ŸŒŸ ๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒŸ. From the time of order to delivery and even after when I had a few follow up questions I received excellent service and I can’t wait till my next purchase.

Buy yours beard kit and a ton of other products here:  

https://www.etsy.com/shop/iAMiBeardAndBodyShop
And don’t forget to use my official promo code #iamiman

Let’s talk How do you feel about living stealth* #WhatsUpIman

First off, too each their own๐Ÿ˜‡โœŒ๏ธ…

And I’ve said this multiple times., Personally I am DADT (don’t ask don’t tell). 

I also understand when people live stealth for certain reasons like safety or comfort. Just like those who choose to live unapologetically out loud like advocates.

Same as those who choose to go through legal transition, therapy & SRS; you do and live how best suits your needs and what is important to you.

So I can say that this is going to be a lengthy blog because this is more of an opinion than actual facts.

“…Because there is no way that you can fuck up every day living so bad that you might die.”

However I will say this… Eventually,now that I’m older and “cis passing” way more than the first time I blogged about this subject; I can see me living more out loud then DADT. I have taken this into consideration not only with my recent career change which puts my face out there more than before in the queer community but also because I CAN live my truth. I’ve never been one to rub my trans status it someone said face or always bringing it up in conversation outside of context. But I am fortunate enough that I can live my truth safely and comfortablely. Which not alot of trans and queer people can say. Those that can seem to forget that someone’s , guilty as charge. So I do see myself living a little more outloud in the future ๐Ÿ˜Ž

-Iman