Why do I eat so dirty

I know, I know. And I know I know better, I said I would try to do better so why am I still eating so dirty.

In all honesty it’s not as bad as it could be. Yes, I slipped up here and there. Subway. Burger King. Oh, I finally tried that Popeye’s Chicken sand which. It was definitely worth it. With it still being fresh in the new year I am trying a little hard. I choose chicken over red meat. Fish over chicken. Juice over cold drinks. Not exactly where I want to be but better than where I was when I started.

I’ve find my new favorite clean food as a quick meal or just to wart off bad cravings is those little tuna ready to eat packages from Starkist. (they make chicken now too). Over the first weekend of the year & up to midweek I did kind of indulge quite a bit on Wawa hoagies I tried my best to make them sensible decisions like usually tuna or light mayo. Not to make excuses for myself but of course this weekend was the move and the company I work for hit the ground running after the holiday break so I had to juggle that as well. Its always easy to go to Wawa for lunch break.

Fortunately I was able to make groceries before the weekend and took a day off from the office so now I do have a few healthier options in my fridge now. Apples, tomatoes, bananas, wheat bread, peanut butter, tuna fish etc. I also am making a bigger effort in the amount and how often I am eating because that is important especially for individuals with a higher metabolism.

I believe if I have more healthier options and implore my self to try harder at eating cleaner I can make this goal a reality

I know this blog was short. But come on its the weekend right. Ha. I’ll be here Monday morning with a better read, pinkie swear.

Downsizing.. And then some

Hello readers, let me start off by saying “Tiny Homes” and if that catches your attention at all then I promise you this blog is worth the read for you today. If you never even heard of a tiny home don’t worry, you should stick around too because I don’t own one, or at least not yet.

lamest intro paragraph ever!!!!

Dang did you just “click-bait” a blog? No, not necessarily because I always do my introduction blog in such a format. I do not own a tiny home but I did downsize as much as possible before buying, renting, or building a tiny house. I’m talking about the smallest efficiency livable. Oh yea. Its time to save money.

So if you have ever been in a rooming house situation, a prison cell or a room with no windows and said “hey, this ain’t THAT well hey I’ve said that too. Besides losing all of your basic freedoms as a human being the confined  space really isn’t that bad, as far as the aspect of prison.

I am not going to jail, if that is a question.

What I did do is save more than 800$ a month is what I did do. I downsized from a 1 bedroom 1 bathroom to a efficiency with all utilities included. Yes, all utilities. The space is only the size of a small prison cell but I still have a private bathroom and a private entrance. Wifi and one small window for natural sunlight, all the things a growing young man. Okay, maybe not all of the things but the basic necessities at the very least. And that is what I’m going for.

I still have enough space to make a full circle and I can expand my wingspan and not touch both walls. Space wise it is a big change but considering the quiet neighborhood and easy commute I think I came out on top especially for the amount of money I will be saving.

Today is moving day!!!

 

When to Disclose?

In my opinion it should be brought up pretty early in the relationship. Especially since it can be a deal breaker for some people. Sucks but its true. Everyone have a right to their preferences no matter how close minded or shallow you may feel they are.

I think it goes to how deep you want the relationship to go and how much are you willing to share. If you don’t plan on telling them you have morning gas repeatedly every day then you probably aren’t going to share your complete anatomy with them either. Or if they know your parents and your full social you most likely have already told them extensively about your childhood.

I am 30 years old I don’t really have time to settle with some one who can’t appreciate all of me. Trust me my anatomy has nothing to do with the way I communicate in a relationship, or how I get the bills paid(not knocking anyone who does tho), or if I’m going to be a loving, understanding and caring boyfriend. I am more concerned if my partner can cope with my bipolar disorder than my experience and what led me to be the man I am.

And of course let’s be real people its 2020 and the world ain’t so black and white as it never was. Honestly, if this is a question you have to ask yourself don’t you think you should maybe either change the company you keep, the individuals you seek after or really do some inner seeking and find who you are, yeah?

circaMarch2018

Improper injections ? 

This is a blog that’s long over due , bit of great great importance. If you feel like any of these facts I’m bout to drop are incorrect , Google it & thank me later.

First off guys, WE ARE NOT JUICERS !!! There is no reason why we should be offered intramuscular injections… men who have testosterone deficiency are not “suggested” to inject the hormones intramuscular. Don’t believe me, Google it. If you are like me and don’t like needles having the option of a less painful injection would have been awesome, especially at some of the clinics I’ve been at.

For the guys that do inject intramuscular especially in the thigh because I see so many dangerous injections on Facebook and Instagram live. Not passing judgement, just here to once again share public knowledge.

I was first instructed at at small youth clinic in New Orleans. It was not a trans-specific clinic and this was back in 2014 so I’m going to assume that both the doctors and nurses were not properly trained in hormones replacement therapy. Even though my doctor seemed other be knowledgeable; she ran all the proper tests, checked all my levels, and went through all the paperwork with me. I was doing clinical injections at first, of course because needles and injections give me a lot of anxiety. Soon it became quite a burden traveling from New Orleans East to downtown every other week , especially trying to juggle work and home schedules. So I decided to make the transition to self injections at home. Needless to say it did not go well, 4 years later and it still doesn’t go swimmingly🙄

When I advised my doctor I wanted to start doing self injections at home she sent me to the nurse who not only gave me a 5 minute hand demonstration and made the motion at my thigh but some how gave me the wrong gauged needles.

“Already nervous about stabbing myself with a needle that really didn’t help at all.”

Not going into detail but most of my injections during that session of therapy were painful and most likely improper.

Fast forwarding to almost half a decade later I find myself at a LGBTQAI specific clinic in NYC learning how to properly do a intramuscular injection. It was also at this time that I found out the first time I had been showed how to do my injections were not only incorrect but dangerous. That was then, this is now. So a few self injections using the new method and I found myself more confident and less anxious. Still probably took me longer than the average guy but whatever. It was less painful then prior injections, but I still would have opted for a choice even less painful if it would have been presented.

Again skipping to current time. I am no longer on team intramuscular injections. Subcutaneous I recently have found is the the best method for me. Result are about the same as they were before, since most guys believe the myth that intramuscular injections are more effective than subcutaneous injections. A myth of course that can be debunked quite easily with a little bit of research.

I’m not going to out right say guys are injecting hormones wrong but I will say some guys are practicing dangerous injection methods/habits that are improper. This is indeed a touchy subject. So allow me to just drop some uncommon facts and let everyone take away from it what they will.

  • intramuscular injections are absorbed faster than subcutaneous.
  • subcutaneous tend to be less painless
  • intramuscular injections are administered in the muscle
  • subcutaneous injections are administered in the fat
  • intramuscular injections are absorbed quickly by the bloodstream

I am not a doctor and I am still very much suffering from Aichmophobia. Personally subcutaneous is the way to go for me. No matter what type of injection you do just be safe and be clean.

circaJan2018


 

Sit the world away. Let your voice speak.

Sometimes you have to quiet the world to hear yourself.

Too often I myself over stimulated by outside actions, like being in a crowded room, having to talk to a store clerk and even quietly making decision on which way to go on a public walkway. It is my own character defect; a flaw in a sense, or a imbalance of something in my frontal lobe. I constantly overthink every thing and scenario and put my stress on my mental as a first nature.

Something I am trying to change gradually. Not everything deserve a reaction, or one with so much mental space as I usually put forth. Too often I find myself over thinking the smallest task. What do I want to eat? What t-shirt do I want to wear? Do I want to brush my teeth before or after I take a shower?

The anxiety put me so far outside of my comfort zone for so long the phrases “I don’t know.” and “It doesn’t matter.” became a normal almost subconscious response. I did that because I found it was easier to say that than give any mental strength to the situation. Having to make a choice for anything had become harder then trying to bend steel at times.

For things like what kind of cold drink I wanted or which shoes did I want to wear; those responses seem okay in moderation. Everyone has a preference for almost anything and I wasn’t giving myself that option. Slowly that brought down the overall quality of my life. I wasn’t really living in the life I wanted because I took my voice from myself. I am assuming my brain did this because of some childhood trauma of wrongly developed social or processing skill.

I don’t like when my choices feel rushed, forced or outwardly effected. It may sound spoiled but my comfort zone is a decision that I have had what I felt was enough time to process, is of my complete own accord and well not and is not effect by any other outstanding outside factor. Yes, I know we live in the real world and for the majority of life decisions that is not plausible or possible. Some where along the line in my mid to late 20s my brain missed the memo.

If suffer from any mental disorder then you know first hand how hard it is to train your brain, let alone RE-train your brain once it has learn an unhealthy process.

 

I tell myself a few things when I am left with even the smallest decision that I feel my response will be a nonchalant answer. Especially when I know deep down it does in fact matter and I do have a preference.

  1. My choices matter and are valid because I matter.
  2. Words are just words and no one gets them perfect all the time.
  3. If it really didn’t matter it wouldn’t be a choice.
  4. Take 5 seconds to think. Take your time and make a choice.
  5. A wrong decision USUALLY won’t kill you

I will admit this is way of thinking that shouldn’t be drastically hard to drop because I do want to increase the overall quality of my life. It it more a bad mental habit that I picked up. I short cut that is a catch 22 to the destination. I found it so much easier to not make a decision and I found it even easier by default over time.

My advice to my readers is to always make sure you care about yourself. Not just your mental and physical well being but what you really want in life. Imagine a parent or guardian NEVER even considering what the child really wants not saying good or bad, right or wrong but catering to the ability to make a decision or the choice. Even if that child grows up with the best of everything some animosity is sure to build for the lack of self expression.

Sure we are all adults now and no one has control over if we can express ourselves but ourselves, so make sure to love yourself and don’t let the world drown out your voice for not even one second.

 

 

 

 

Let’s get fit!!! Or get healty trying.

Starting with eating healthier and cleaner. A few things I’ve decided to cut out of my diet are sweets and junk food like candy and chips and all red meats including pork and beef. Poultry and seafood are still on the OK list for now. I’ll try my best to stay away from high processed food filled with ingredients I can’t pronounce.

Fruit and water will be my new bestfriends. Actually vegan food or vegetarian options are expensive to say the least that’s if you are lucky enough to have the option. Even with the growing obesity rates it is still hard to find cheap healthier alternatives(and we all know why that is).

I figure the winter months would be the best season to “clean” my eating. Yes, I know you still sweat and you can still get dehydrated in the winter and when its cold outside. But its winter time now and I am less active in the colder months. I’m trying to eat cleaner, better and healthier but I am not trying to go on a all out winter shred program due to the lack of proteins and fats from meats.

I am older and I don’t know exactly whats going on with my metabolism or my health just yet so what better way to track it than rid of bad habits and shake off some of this dust that has built up on this once athletic physic.

Some of the foods that cut the deepest to let go BUT were for the BEST:

  • Cold Drinks(high sugar/artificial),
  • Pork(only cause I love bacon),
  • Beef(nothing like a good burger),
  • Dairy(developing lactose intolerance/ But I loved cheese),
  • White Bread and rice(tasty but wheat/brown is healthier)

My tips for anyone who want to eat cleaner is READ THE LABELS  , cook your own foods. Its almost impossible to eat clean while your away from home unless you packed a lunch or live near a farmers market or whole foods store. But all junk food is dirty even some of the “organic” ones because starches food in potatoes can be touchy especially if your eating it more than sparingly. My rule of them is if I don’t know something that is in the ingredients I probably shouldn’t be eating it.

You’d be surprised how much of difference a handful of grapes or apple slices can make rather than a bag of chips or a candy bar. How much better your skin looks avoiding the sugary drinks and finding a favorite brand of water. Not to mention the added bonuses of better more well rested sleeps. Also less “hangry” moments because of the more frequent smaller but cleaner meals through out a day. Best part is, its not a diet. Its just eating cleaner. Have I got you to eat cleaner yet? I don’t mind doing it by myself but things are better in numbers.

Any “clean eaters” out there??? Lets network.

 

 

Taking a break from Mary Jane

Yes, yes its true. I have made the conscious decision to slow down and maybe eventually stop my intake of marijuana and all of its chemical properties; i.e THC, CBD etc. In attempts to regain my focus and find a little more motivation than I’ve had lately even for the simplest daily task like fixing breakfast or taking a shower.

Now this experiment could go either way as the hypothesis is unclear and considering my current life space including the urge to get my entire life together before 30. I was never consider weed to be “self medication”, more so a crutch to deal with my social anxiety. However I did start indulging in the wonders of THC in my early teens and regular smoked since my 20s.

I can honestly say I don’t smoke as much as I was on a daily basis 2 to 3 years ago. So the goal now is to limit it to morning and nights & including any occasions outside of the home. I’ve also put a “under extreme tense situations” clause in the self promise, to give me some breathing room and because I know myself.

Also will have to find other things to keep me occupied, so that could mean more interesting blogs in the future.

No worries my fellow pot head and weed enthusiasts I will never stop fighting #legalizeit and this is only because I need to be fully engaged to the life moves and auto pilot isn’t the best way for me to go right now.

There’s nothing like a good wake and bake bowl to start your day or a fatty J to end a productive and positive night I just need to be focused throughout the day because I kinda got some important shit to do.. ya feel me.

 

smoke one for me too….

 

Want it, think it, have it .. 

Familiar with the law of attraction 🤔….

“I’ve become pretty good with the force. It’s about a 3-4 month turnaround.”

 I have had a pretty adventurous 2018 so far. Recapping the last month of 2017…. I lost my job, I was already struggling to make ends meet and trying to find balance in my life. But before I knew it my life started to change for the better. 

In the month of January I started a new job. Still struggling to make ends meet but I was making it. I started conveniently working at the restaurant I lived above of. I had experience and paperwork to be hired at least $1.50 above minimum wage but nevertheless I was hired at a dishwasher at $10.00 an hr.

February was an easier month, with finding myself again gainfully employed and no longer stressing the worry of becoming evicted. I continued to bust my ass at work. Picking up all hours I could as the kitchen dishwasher. Even picked up shifts as the opening cleaner. 

Things were continuously looking up as I did the awkward transition from February to March. My hard work did not go unnoticed and I began my training for being not only the night time closing chef but also a promotion to manager with a $2.00 raise.

Now in the first week in May rumors are going around that I am being looked at to replace the current assistant GM (lead chef/white hat in kitchen terms) whom is stepping down to spend more time with his kids. I’ve been giving more responsibility, unsupervised shifts, hiring and firing privileges, recipe creation etc. So it looks like a little over half a year and I’ve moved up from second to last on the totem pole to second to first.

Not bad.

Guess hard work does pay off 🙌🏾💯

The benefits from being around nature.

I’ve always enjoyed having pets. Even if they weren’t really pets. I used to get in so much trouble for sneaking and feeding the stray cats. Causing them to hang out around the house.

Not to mention the stray somehow suprisingly never rabid dogs. I even found much enjoyment and interest in wildlife. Like feeding the birds in squirrels in my back yard. Helping my grandmother in the day Lilly flower beds and rose bushes

Biology was always my favorite subject since elementary. And just being outside was a pleasure…. 

That was until I developed an unhealthy distrust for all human species.

Seeing another creature wether sential or not seems to promote calms and relaxation for me personally. And also usually being stoned it’s fun to watch pets just… live, you know.
Gives me hope 💗
Never stop appreciation life

Goodbye 360, hello 720!

Well if you couldn’t pull off 360 how are you gone manage 720??

Excellent question. I have no idea.

But I’m trying it anyways. 

Most likely my YouTube is way behind compared to the information in my blogs. Nevertheless, here’s the sit. About a month ago I cut my hair down to bare clippers no guard. Maybe a .5 in my crown. Started with a somewhat new canvass. 

Which was for the best because I’m approaching this wave journey at whole new angles. About 8 to be specific. I have said goodbye and good riddance to the 360 beehive and hello please don’t hurt me to 720 swirl. 

For those that aren’t all familiar with natural wave patterns maybe Google it cause I’m not the best to explain things. However key points are…

360 waves beehive

  • Brushing out from crown to egde.
  • What appears to be a bald spot in your crown.
  • Blind brush with ease.
  • 8 angles

720 waves spiral/swirl

  • Brushing in a clockwise motion.
  • “Ponytail at crown.
  • Difficult to blind brush crown.
  • 8 angles out, 4 angles in, 2 angles crown.

That probably didn’t make a whole lot of sense either. Well I tried.

Anyways, yup if at first you don’t succeed try something harder I guess. The most difficult change to cope with is brushing at different angles and of course the hook method trying to learn how to get this dang swirl.

So far I’m happy with the change in events and the new products that I’ve been using. Like new brushes and new durag/caps. Be on the look out for product placement in a future YouTube episode.

Thanks for sticking with me.

I still love my 360 & beehive wavers.