Failing at HRT, again x6 maybe 7..

๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„

But this time it’s not totally my fault..

Ok, well maybe it is..๐Ÿค”

So as you know by now I have relocated to upstate NY which means I SHOULD switch my PCP to a new doctor and pharmacy in the area. And herein lies the problem; I had just found a doctor a liked. My original plan was to keep my same physician in the Bronx and just go once a month to refill my prescription and get blood work done. Then I started thinking, well that isn’t very smart. Which it still doesn’t seem to be. But I really rather not go through that aniexty of a new office, nurses and physician. So it may not be the smartest or cheapest way; but it is (what seems to be) the least stressful option.

Iman is a habitual procrastinator. Iman has problems making appointments. Iman has his priorities all mixed up..maybe..

So long story short I have yet to either switch to a new PCP or to see my old one and fill my prescription. So now am behind on my therapy…. Yet again. In my defense however; my stress & aniexty are still high from the move, new surrounds, new job, new everyday life. Not to mention working 6 days a week 50+ hrs & traveling every weekend, I have only had 1 or 2 chances to do either. We all know it takes me a few times to actually jump off the porch.

Lately I seem to have been doing better at adjusting and this should only be the only week I miss. Next weekend is self-care and I will be taking some down time to really recharge and relax. Life got overwhelming for a minute.

But I brought up this “fail” (again) at HRT because this time I do have a few changes to announce some good some bad. 

If you are up to date then you are aware that my dosage has changed again, this time amount and administration. Currently I am on .50 subcutaneous weekly injections in the fatty tissue of my belly.

So immediatly following the first week of the shot I experienced a 100% in my sex drive and overall physical stamina and endurance. Followed by a lost of appetite, which is weird because the actual amount of food I could consume in one sitting drastically increased.

Rounding my second weekly injections I starting experience “growing pains” in my muscles in my chest and upper back before I started my home work out routine.

After the first few days following my missed shot I started experiencing mood swings, a decrease in sex drive and an increase in appetite.

I don’t know exactly why third time in therapy it seems to be such drastic and apparent changes but I would like to assume that it’s because I switched from intramuscular to subcutaneous; I have absolutely no facts or proff of that, besides my gut feeling and know how my body normally reacts to therapy.

Hopefully this is the last missed shot and the last restart of HRT. With me, we can only hope for the best ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคž

-Thanks for reading

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Weekend Great Adventure!

Thank you Jersey, you were kind to me…

So yesterday I spent the entire day in New Jersey at Six Flags Great Adventure theme park. I haven’t been in soooo long but I over all did enjoy myself. I would do it again.

I didn’t get all the fancy pants details of all of the coasters I rode but I do recall getting on at least 13 different rides and went through 2 mazes.

Fun Fact. I seem to scream on the coasters with more breath than I actually have in my body. Meaning I do not get proper oxygen to may brain which can lead to fainting. I mean which did lead to fainting๐Ÿคฃ. 

Yes, I passed out on the ride… On every ride.. the entire day…๐Ÿ˜‚

Either from screaming to the top of my lungs or over straining to hold on for my life lead to unconsciousness on every ride but one. 

The ice breaker rollercoaster was “The Joker” ; and man did that one break the ice & shake some things up. I was the ride where I discovered that now at the age of 26 I pass out on rollercoasters. I thought with old age my brain and body could no longer handle the stress of a roller coaster and would shut down.

After the third or fourth 60% unconscious ride I figured that this is just going to be how it is. I didn’t back out on any coasters. And a had a ball for the parts I was awake on.

Of course like all amusement parks everything was over priced and I lost my overpriced free refill souvenir cup but hey just $15 , no big deal. I was able to keep up with my hat all day which was a pleasant surprise.

I opted to pay an additional $35 to be able to go in the 7 maze attractions within the park. I only had the patience to wait in line for to but the haunted house mazes were pretty awesome, I mean it wasn’t 13gates but hey it wasn’t half bad.

I allowed the carni part of the park to totally “carni” me out of a few 20s. I won a few small prizes but c’mon who really wins those human sized teddy bears at a carnival ๐Ÿค”. I did try my luck but only ended up embarrassing myself in front of my last , ha ha typical.

Through it all ; with the overpriced Buffalo fries & cold drinks, outrageous wait times after 6pm & the crowds of people being stupid I had a good time. 

Next goal is Disney World…๐Ÿคž

Stay tuned for my full video about my trip to Six Flags and my first time in New Jersey coming soon to my YouTube channel (Once I get my voice back ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿค—)

Thanks for reading !!!

Fright Fest !!! ๐ŸŽƒ First time in New Jersey

It’s the weekend so you know what means…

Iman is on the move, again.

So this weekend adventure is a two-fer. My first time in New Jersey and my first time at Fright Fest. So I left work about an early to catch my 4 hour bus ride to NYC (let’s hope for the best). And tomorrow morning I’ll be back on a bus heading to New Jersey for an entire day at Six flags Great Adventure theme park.

I haven’t been to a Six flags in easily over a decade and a half. I haven’t been on a rollercoaster in 2 years (counting the up and down thingy at the aquarium when I was in Houston). Let’s hope I don’t toss my cookies, pass out or shit my pants. Or go into cardiac arrest cause sometimes I forget how old I am ๐Ÿ˜‚.

Nervousness, aniexty, excitement are a few emotions I can currently pin point.. but then again I’ve been pretty scattered brain all day yesterday

๐Ÿค”I did have a latte instead of coffee this morning… I usually only have lattes on Sundays..

Guess I’ll see you guys on the other side ๐Ÿคž

Trip To Vermont #TranslatingIdentityConferenceย 

Hey guys, gals and everything again in between.

Today I am on the road, on my way to Vermont for the Transcending Identities Conference. It’s about a 5hr drive from upstate NY but it is already proving to be an awesome adventure. Road trip with my co-workers/friends bringing Gendercat from NY to VT!!!!

We should be arriving in town tonight, hopefully in time to catch an open karaoke bar ha ha.

This is my first road trip in forever and I am super excited to be going to my second Trans conference. I look forward to see all the organizations there and meet some awesome new queer folks.

Here’s a recap of my last conference attended:

Hopefully I am able to combine all the footage and publish a recap video for this conference by Monday.
VERMONT HERE I COME!!!

Well hello for the 3rd time, NYC

 

I don’t know how I keep ending up coming back to this place ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿพโ€โ™‚๏ธ but at least I don’t live here anymore.

Feels so good to say that ๐Ÿ˜

Sooo my return trip was a straight shot. One other pick up but not a single layover. Ended up back almost an hour early. Awesome right? Yea until I take the wrong train going the wrong way and totally fuck my life. No big deal reminds me of the first time out here last year attempting to catch the train by myself.

So long story short I took my jet lagged irritated ass topside and just caught a cab from Manhattan to the Bronx.

The cab ride is somewhat bitter sweet….

The fact that I can once again afford cabbies from Manhattan to the Bronx gives me heart palpitations. I’m throwing myself a congratulatory party since I totally deserve it.

I really don’t want to stress out and over analyze everything like I normally do so my goal is to relax , stay calm & remember everything is under control because I am in control.

Yea easier said then done.

A city called Ithaca, A village named Dryden.

 

Everything was a complete success!

๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ *tears of joy because I haven’t made that statement in over a year.

Ahh the homely town of Ithaca, NY… where do i start???…

For my fellow New Orleanians I would best describe Ithaca as 60% Metairie & 40% the country. (Y’all know what I mean when I say country) *Lutcher, Gramercy, St James etc

New Yorkers of course probably know how upstate NY is.

And for the rest of the world I would just say it’s a small town๐Ÿคท๐Ÿพโ€โ™‚๏ธ

The village of Dryden. Yes, population “village”. Few miles and a couple minutes away from downtown Ithaca. Little more out there a little more quiet & a little more country. Population wise this is probably the smallest area I have ever stayed in. Nevertheless I feel like this could be exactly what I need. ๐Ÿ™ƒ

So Monday afternoon I saw 2 different places. The first one was terrible. The house itself, was super nice. The landlord & neighbors not so much. Eh. Long story short as a POC I knew that the wasn’t the best choice ๐Ÿ™„.

That bummed me out for a few minutes. I was so excited I just knew I was going to find the perfect spot on the first day, first try. The next destination; of course, appeared that it was going to be the same prejudice. I mean honestly it was from the patrons when I walked into the bar/restaurant. (Oh yes btw I live directly above a bar/restaurant & also a barbershop, haha)

I’m not the type to just turn around and leave when I get the whole “where did this little black boy come from look?”. The first place was different I was getting all these weird “Get Out” time of vibes from the cat lady type landlord. That was just too many red flags.

I was determined to find something on my second try. Come to find out everyone there is super nice and super caring about their tenants ๐Ÿ˜. So I viewed the quiet studio apartment and was I more than surprised. I found my home. Perfect size. Right location. Reasonable Rent. Plus only 16 steps down stairs to an alcoholic beverage. Immediately leaving the apartment I emailed the leasing manager that I had been contacting for the past week. She did not respond immediately ๐Ÿ˜•. I chalked it up to here being busy which she had advised of prior. Still no response after we left the office from a long day’s work. Now I’m getting a little worried. However I still keep my spirits high. Went about the rest of my evening and semi forgot I was waiting on an email.

 

The next day…

So I get to work in the morning ready to jump right back in from where we left off the afternoon before. My boss asked if I had heard anything back and then I got anxious and by 11am I was making telephone calls.

So I finally got a hold of someone and explained that their space was absolutely perfect. Of course it was the normal proof of income, references, background check yada yada. Definitely was not doing a background check. Because ignorance is bliss ๐Ÿ˜‚. I had a whole list of “references” I was creating. Shout outs to those who answered the call ! โœŠ๐Ÿพ I step outside to smoke not more that 15 from speaking with the property manage I received a return call. Before I had a sent off the email of acquired “references”

#success

So 2 hrs later (if that long) I’m doing the move in walk through. Rent receipt & keys in hand I felt so fulfilled. ๐Ÿ˜ The last year of traveling has been so unforgiving.

Right back to work not skipping a beat some where during the work day I almost forgot that I still have to go back to NYC to gather my measly belongings ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿพโ€โ™‚๏ธ. Called it an early work and I’m still on a mental high. Even as I type this blog it all feels so surreal.(not sure if that’s word I’m looking for, working on 3hrs of sleep)

So now that I’ve FINALLY got everything under control all that’s left is to tie up loose ends and pack and my new life can begin.

See you in a few hours NYC!!!

 

4 weeks in HRT *(again, again)

A month strong (minus one hiccup) in hormone replacement therapy ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ

The first few weeks are the same every time. Subtle changes in the body here and there; if you know what you’re looking for.

What I can say restarting therapy so many times on different dosages has allowed me to see and understand the effects of my levels vs the amount and speed my body goes through certain changes.

Recap:

Original Dosage : .25
Biweekly

Original Gel Dosage : 1g /day

Restarted Dosage : .50
Weekly

Restarted Gel Dosage : 5g / day

Current Dosage : .25
Biweekly

 

My first levels ever test came back a little over 900. Definitely not good. For those who don’t know target testosterone levels for me are 600-850. *2014
Being more knowledgeable now I also notice that each time I reentered therapy my levels reacted differently excluding the change in dosage. As I suspected back then; the more on the low side my levels are the more rapid my body experiences the “re-puberty”.
So setting my own standards I am putting my target T levels at 650-750. Small window but it’s my transition so I think it’s fair I set my goals and limitations.

Looking back on all the times I began HRT I think the most evolved trait due to the introduction of hormones would be hair. Not so much the end result but the actual journey. To come from a place where peach fuzz took months to come in and regrow and was so thin and light it looked like my hairs could be wiped off. To now where legit stubble arrives at just under a week and and returning sporadic dark whisker patches on the bottom of both of my cheeks. And the icing on the cake my legit stache connects to my valid chin whiskers to make a struggling goatee. None of which I could say I had before. Wont even get started on the chest , belly and back hair.

In & out. Up & down the only thing that seemed to noticeably fluctuate was my weight, fat distribution & sex drive. Still I’ve heard unstable levels over time can be a health concern. But I’m sure everyone here already knows not to follow be behind me. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿพโ€โ™‚๏ธ

Personally each time in therapy got a little easier. I understood more. I got insurance. Overcame my phobias of needles (now I just don’t like them). And best of all I’ve learned how to make hormones a priority and actually stick to some type of schedule.

Back to present day…

Same changes around the same time period as the first time in hormone replacement therapy. Maybe a little more prudent because i.e. this isn’t my first rodeo. Hair was already growing there. Fat had been redistributed before. Adam’s apple had already enlarged etc.

Nothing magical…

Wish I could have more to share but the first month is usually boring.

If my calculations are correct my first home self injection should be coming up soon so be on the look out for that.

 

Thank you to all my readers !
-Iman

Living with bipolar depression and anxiety.

 

Or should I say “battling” ๐Ÿค”

Either way I have been “struggling” with this mental disorder as a child. Yes as a child ๐Ÿ˜”. Sadly this has been an ongoing battle for as long as I can remember.

It makes life difficult but not impossible…

Let me take you back as far as I can remember;

I was around 5 years old. I had recently been told I was adopted by my mother. As a bright kid I understood what that meant but also as a care free child it didn’t make much sense. I only knew one parent. My mom was my mother irregardless to anything.
Going through court appearances & learning to spell my new name was trying but it didn’t affect me that much (or so I thought).
After i turned 8 I became what was; at the time, “a rebellious child”. My mother started receiving phone calls from the school, I was misbehaving at home & just seemed to always be the one that “did it”… But to me I was just a kid.
So my mom did what most parents did for an over active hyper child in the 90s ๐Ÿ™„ took me to a therapist.
And just like that boom ๐Ÿ’ฅ I was diagnosed with ADHD and depression. I didn’t grasp what that was at all. I knew in the mornings I had to take a pill and at lunch everyday at school I had to take my medicine.
I can’t recall feeling all that different on the antidepressants. But the meds for my attention disorder well they did a number on me. Mostly for the better because I was physically able to keep still with out feeling like I was going to explode. So I guess the did they job.
Skipping a few years into the future I’m approaching my 11 birthday and my favorite phrase and answer for everything was ” I don’t care” at first it was shrugged off my mother. However by Christmas my response to what do I want from was still “I don’t care”. Looking back at in now what i thought was just a phase was a sign to deeper mental problems that would reveal themselves later on in life. Because when the rebuttal to my phrase was “Well what do you care about?” I really didn’t have an honest answer.
So that went on for more than a year. That was my first time dealing with my depression; not knowing exactly what it was at the time. Then the following 2 years were extremely difficult. Experienced my mother having a break down at the lost of her mother, the lost and abandonment I felt during hurricane Katrina and ultimately the lost of my grandmother weakened my strength ever more so. It was during this time that I could be honest with myself that I had a problem. But I down played it a chalked it up to PTSD & not having a loving environment. I had ups and down over the next decade or so.
Fast forwarding to 23 years old when I realized that my depression can in fact be cropping. It was in this 6-8th month breakdown I had 2 suicide attempts, constantly went missing for days & wouldn’t leave the house for months at a time. That was the first time I really reached out for help, professional help. Needless to say I could have used it 4-5 years sooner, but better late than never.
Can’t say this story has a happy fairy tale ending because to this day my life is a struggle dealing with the lack of capability to control my thoughts & emotions all the time and that’s putting it nicely.
I had another breakdown that almost wound me up in psychiatric hospital at the age of 25.

My mental disorders do not define me nor what I can accomplish in life. The do make up a part of who I am but it is not the biggest nor most important part of me.

I am Strong. I am Determined. I am Resilient.

Mental disorders like bipolar depression, PTSD, anxiety, schizophrenia etc are serious issues in our community. They aren’t talked about and even less likely treated or monitored.

So if you have a friend , family or know someone that suffers from these or any mental condition or disorder please let them know you are there for them; sometimes that’s all we need.

Thanks for listening..
-Kristian Iman

Apartment Hunting!!!

It’s currently “too damn early to be up” o’clock.

And once again I am on the road ๐Ÿ˜

This time I am heading to Ithaca, New York; to check out some apartments. I’ve been frantically trying to gather information and schedule days and times to view prospective apartments since my return from philly last weekend.

It’s about a 4hr ride from Manhattan to Ithaca; greyhound style. All I want to do right now is nap.

I was able to get some sleep last night somehow and the anxiety didn’t kick in and wake me up till about 1am …yayy

Just my luck I ended up sitting in front of two underage college strangers that want to get to know each other’s whole life story on this greyhound๐Ÿ™„ I don’t know what’s worse the blonde chewing her gum or this guys accent ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿพโ€โ™‚๏ธ

Anyways….

Keeping my fingers crossed ๐Ÿคž๐Ÿพ that hopefully I find reasonable accommodations today because I would loathe having to come back 2 & 3 times just to apartment hunt.
I learned first hand from Houston, Tx that no matter how much cash you have finding a suitable apartment can sometimes be a long winded game of chess.

The sooner I find a place the sooner I can settle in and the sooner I can begin my dream job.

Think I’ll take a nap for a little while and dream of all the good things to soon come.

Add me on Snapchat @selfmadekris

&

Follow me on Instagram @Iman.da.god

…For live videos and updates from my journey to Ithaca New York.

I’ll be back shortly !

Gender Cat***customer review

 

Hey hey ๐Ÿ‘‹๐Ÿพ

Today I am here to talk about a dick in a box and the adventure that led up to it.

I am doing a review on the Gender Cat Self-adhesive 6″ soft packer.

 

Customer Service โญ๏ธโญ๏ธโญ๏ธโญ๏ธโญ๏ธ

Just about instant personal response to any an all questions about the company , the product & the shipping process before I even place my order. From the very beginning I felt like a valued customer and that the staff were confident in the product that the company has to offer.

Website/Navigating/Placing Order โญ๏ธโญ๏ธ

The website may not be the fanciest and you may find yourself looking for more links to click. But when it came to placing my online order it was as simple as a few clicks. Received all my confirmation via email once my order had been place and I felt secure in my purchase.

Shipping & Delivery โญ๏ธโญ๏ธโญ๏ธโญ๏ธโญ๏ธ

Most packers , stp’s , prosthetics etc take forever for production to even begin not to mention some of the outrageous shipping times. Finally some who understands that no one wants to wait forever. The entire process from order to delivery was 15 days. Which could have been shorter but I took an extra few days making sure I pick the right skin tone. *Not to mention the best part the skin tone samples were free and with paid return postage. It was delivered in a digress box with all sorts of little trinkets.

Overall product satisfaction โญ๏ธโญ๏ธโญ๏ธโญ๏ธ

I got the 6inch semi hard self adhesive. The only reason why I’m not giving this product 5 stars is because I have only had my product for a few weeks and I can’t yet make a comment on the durability of it. But if I’d had to guess I would assume this dick is gonna be with me for quite some time unless I go all ratchet and clank like I normal do and hack away at it.

 

With everything being new and I’m still learning the tricks and trade to it I am very please with my product in its entirety including ordering, production and shipping.

When ordering from Gender cat once you place your order they send you over 100 skin tone samples free of charge. You pick at your leisure and send the unused samples back in the return pre postage envelope. If you cant find a skin tone that you feel is right for you let them know and they will also make your custom color.

I choose the self adhesive packer because well hey whose heard of a self adhesive packer until now ?

Don’t hesitate go check them out.

http://www.gendercat.com

Check out the review of the 6in super soft on my YouTube channel.