Some people have cute smiles. Some people have cute personalities. Some people have cute bodies. You can see where I’m going with this.
I have way too many cute attributes. Especially as society expects a grown man of color to be portrayed as.
Now before you think I’m sucking my own dick let me explain I am no way in any form bragging on my cuteness. Honestly the shits not all it’s cracked up to be after age 5.
Just to emphasize; I went through an ugly duckling phase. Weirdly enough I was an adorable little girl then matured into this awkward prepubescent and then evolved in to this adolescent social butterfly.
Between the ages of 5 – 9 I was adorable my dimple would always get my way and my thick eyebrows and hyperjetic facial expressions got me out of almost anything.
As a child I always heard “you are so cute ” “oh wow she is so adorable” I’d give a little fake smile yada yada.
Fast forwarding here cause we are getting off track ; Now at almost 26 years old this “cute thing” does more harm then good in soooo many different ways. Yes of course I’m going to explain.
It’s is so hard to look my age. A simply task, taken for granted; that so many of you do naturally. It’s the 8th wonder of the world for me. I struggle from what style clothes I should wear. The way I wear my hair. Even the way I walk into a business or establishment. It’s a bother it is. And it’s rooted in the basic fact that I have a cute face. When you hear cute facial features your brain doesn’t necessarily think “man” now does it. So put a cute face on a individual the size of a teenager most likely in a Pokémon Tee plus the amount of facial hair (mainly peach fuzz) of a prepubescent male. You see a sweet innocent cute young man. In some instances I’ve gotten as young as 14 (Caucasian) an in the rare occasion besides when someone guesses my correct age I’ve only gotten as old as 24 on a good day. You know nice suit fresh shave pep in his step kinda days.
Damn this cute face.
Mistaken identity; believe it or not me being so often perceived as a cute little young boy I get mistaken as such like for real. I’ve gotten stopped for being “truant” at 11:30 on a school day. Getting carded while my young barely legal associates walk right on through. And yes even embarrassingly enough mistook for a son when I was a boyfriend. Issa boyfriend. More recently being hit on by girls that are barely half my age. That’s appalling and disturbing to say the least. Not to mention that 16 year olds are staring to look at attempt to act like grown women. But this hasn’t just happen. This has been going on for quite some time in my liddo ol life. Interesting story about my first age ain’t nothing but a number till ha ppl find out scare. But will save that for another day. Point is when you look young you like shift into a whole other age bracket. And that sucks when it’s like been there done that.
Not being taken seriously. One person has a pit bull as a watch dog , another person has a chihuahua as a watch dog. Which person to you think is getting robbed more ? Maybe an extreme analogy but stay with me. Because this cute attribute makes every day like stressful to some extent. Especially when a person like me is already wary of relationships with other humans. Nice guys finish last but cute guys never finished. When you suffer from a cute personality people often see you as docile calm and in no way a threat. And it’s not like a brightly color “oh that’s cute but that shit can fuck me up cause it’s probably poisonous”. Its like that kid that stalks a harmless butterfly because it’s “cute” and then squashes it because it’s in now way shape or form dangerous.
With that being said take into consideration that I am that cute little butterfly every day of my life.
So I ask you is being cute all that it’s cracked up to be
Peace & blessings readers. Good to see you came back.
Today I am going to discuss my opinion on the difference in being “stealth” vs “dont ask, dont tell.”
First let me explain what I personally mean about the terms I am using.
To me being stealth as a trans individual means that you do not disclose the information that you are transgender at anytime. And if questioned; denying your trans status. Basically, pretending to be cisgender.( not really big on that term ugh ) Again that is my definition of being stealth. The actual definition from our community may in fact be different.
Now when I say, “dont ask, dont tell” I am referring this to a transgender individual that is perceived by society as a cisgender *passable/unclockable* (still dont like the term). However if asked in a respectful way will disclose the fact that they are in fact transgender.
People choose stealth life or DADT for their own personal reasons. Just like those who are unapologetically themselves and live out loud.
Where do I fit at in this equation???
Allow me to give you some background about me. When I first began my transition I was in between jobs. At the time I was not “passing” (not big on that term either) as well as I do now. So some interviews I was viewed as a male & others I was viewed as female. Which was challenging and frustrating of course. I’ll stick a pin in this topic & maybe do a vlog on my youtube channel about interviews as trans identified or coming out as trans at a current job.
Anyways, I ended up landing a position at a local raising canes. My GM & shift managers were aware of my trans “status” but as far as coworkers they were still somewhat in the dark. If I was misgendered by a smartass I quickly corrected them and it wasnt a problem there after. As I became close to some of the other employees the question of course arose. I never denied the gender I was assigned at birth but I also firmly lived in my truth.
Fast fowarding (cause I feel like Im rambling) to my current job at Harrahs casino. Now that I am closer to my 3rd year of transitioning. “Passing” is a thing of the past. During the entire interviewing & hiring process I am read for the male I am. I work in the EVS department & my job description causes me to be in and out of restrooms & locker rooms. So of course I supervise the bathroom that I would normally use. Mens restroom, mens locker room.
After I completed the hiring process & finished my 3 days of orientation I went to human resources to let them know that I was in fact transgender. I ONLY did this because I would be in and out of mens rooms and I didnt know how they handled something like that as far as legal department. Lets face it Louisiana has no Trans laws to protect us. Also I rather know sooner than later if it was gonna be a problem. Which it wasnt at all yayyyy. And to my surprise I was informed that there is other trans identifying individuals already employed here.
Getting off topic, my apologies.
Personally I would consider myself as DADT & not stealth. I have been working here just shy of 3 months. Other then HR no one else (to my knowledge anyways) knows that I am transgender. Not my supervisor, leads or coworkers. My gender identity has not been brought up or questioned. BUT if I am asked I will NOT lie NOR go out of my way to hide the fact that I am a transgender male.
In my opinion with stealth and DADT the difference starts & ends with your response when/if your gender identity is questioned. Not knocking anyone that lives stealth, DADT or flamboyantly outloud. To each their own and we all have our own reasoning behind our lifestyle choices. There are pros & cons to each choice, do whats best for you.
For me… I dont climb on top a building everyday and shout ” IM A TRANSGENDER MALE!!!”, but if I felt like it or my brothers needed me to stand with them in solidarity.. Im there in pink, white & blue!!
I hope I have provided clarity on my views and opinons about living stealth & how I choose to live my truth.
And if I havent, feel free to ask me to elaborate.
As always follow me on social media.
Fb: Kristian King
Thanks again for looking through the peephole. Until next time…