Figuring out you have a manipulative partner/friend.

Something that we don’t talk about enough in the transgender community. Men & Women. Let’s be honest; too often we are seen as fetishes, trophy or the “trans friend” everyone is so proud to have. It results in wasted time, broken hearts and unfortunately for some of my sisters a lost of a life. Most of these issues stem from a partner/friend not truly being comfortable with themselves. So they manipulate the situation and perception of it.

The biggest and most dangerous manipulative situation for alot of us is a partner whom is not yet comfortable with themselves trying to reflect that paradigm on their transgender partner. This is detrimental to our mental health and to some who fall into situations with those who would rather take a life than admit attraction to someone who is transgender; is down right deadly.

“Being trans and pursuing a relationship or a friendship is hard.”

Taking being transgender out of the equation (I know not all of my readers are trans) having a partner or friend who is manipulative is sooooo stressful. Manipulate individuals use words and actions to cause others to react the way they want them to. Often times we don’t even realize we are getting manipulated. 

Statements like:

  • “All I want know..”
  • “But it really isn’t my fault..”
  • “You shouldn’t feel that way..”
  • “Well remember when you..”

Are basically avoiding the actual situation being discussed, redistributing fault, and forcing feelings and paradigms on another; usually the one that initiated the conversation. It may seem like the person is listening and understand but subtle words & phrases, such as the ones just started; usually proves otherwise.

Everyone is guilty of this to some extent, myself included. It is not always done maliciously but it can differently take a toll if done repeatedly. Especially if it’s brought up to be received as manipulation or several occasions and it is continued.

As you let someone in and they begin to understand what exactly makes you tock they are also learning what makes you tickets. How to push your buttons. Most of the time these triggers are learned subconsciously and shouldn’t be a problem. You should care for a person through the good, the bad & the ugly. 

It’s when individual take this acquired knowledge and use it to force you in to emotions or actions to benefit them that it becomes manipulation. Everyone, literally everyone does this! *To some extent.

Parents use it to get their children to behave. Companies do it to their employees to get to work diligently. Countries do it to get their citizens to comply. It’s not always malicious, it’s not always negative. But when it’s don’t repeatedly it alters the relationship and communication between whatever parties are involved.

So then how do you know when your friend/partner is actually being manipulative or just being human?

Ahhh, that is the part where it gets complicated and begins to be in a grey area. My personal opinion is to voice how you feeling, should you start feeling manipulated. It will be the person’s reaction and response that will give you all the signs you need to know. Also take into consideration how often you use words and actions to manipulate others and definitely towards your partner/friend that you are having the discussion with.

Understanding is key. Remorsefulness is the deciding factor (for me). 

Sometimes it’s a learned trait, adefense mechanism acquired through life and sometimes it’s just a bad habit picked up.

It takes someone who is truely comfortable with themselves to admit “I am being manipulative in our realtionship and I apologise”

How sugarcoated or how blunt you wish to confront said individual is entirely up to you. However, I can say from experience that sooner rather than later is usually best. No one likes to be manipulated into doing/feeling anything. Holding it in can make the initial conversation hard.  

My advice to anyone would be: First try to understand where the person is at in life and what is causes these actions. Then decide if you want to receive those actions as malacious or just plain old human nature. Lastly have a talk with them and voice how you feel and what you would like to be changed. Most importantly understand that no one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes & they way someone is feeling is never for you to decide if it’s right or wrong. 

 A feeling or emotion is exactly that.

 I hope this blog has helped a least one person begin to understand and figure out which side of a manipulative situation they are on and take the means to correct it. πŸ€—

Thanks for reading!

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Dating as A Transgender

Many people have talked about this subject, and I have decided to hop on the band wagon. Ha ha. No seriously. A lot of people miss the actual important difference when dating someone who is transgender vs dating someone who isnt.

Of course the main difference is simply just the word transgender. Notice I say the word instead of actually “being transgender”. Because like most transgender individuals; we realize that it really boils down to that one word. 

Looking at it this way. A transgender male such as my self; either dating a woman who is transgender or a woman who is not transgender. Simply for example, I may have a preference but I do not discriminate.

Now dating someone who is also transgender means I don’t really have to explain in detail what it means to transition and whatnot because my partner has also experienced some type of transition. 

Of course I know that mtf / ftm are also very different transitional experiences but just grabbing the complete concept of transition from one gender to another is difficult without first hand experience.

Also friends and family are already aware; regardless of personal stance, with the term transgender and you don’t get bombarded with the typical “seeing a transgender up close for the first time” questions like:

  • So what was your name
  • Did you have the surgery
  • Do you have before pictures
  • So how do y’all have sex


Yes, I am very aware that you may still receive questions like this from family and friends of your partner. But usually they have already been briefed on what’s PC and what isn’t. Usually…

Vs dating a one gender woman’s whose family and friends MIGHT be familiar with what it means to be transgender. Even though media wise we aren’t shown in the best light all the time. I mean it is 2018. But apparently some people are still ignorant. Then not only do you risk being exposed to those stupid and sometimes triggering questions but you may face people in your partners circle that are more than just ignorant..  yes I’m talking about the transphobic.

Cause let’s face it. As a transperson most of us will not stand to be associated with someone who is transphobic for obvious reasons. But to a one gendered person those reasons and being associated with someone who is transphobic doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. But it would be a big deal to the partner of course.

Now do we see that this is a topic that doesn’t receive a lot of attention…. But really should…

 Again I am not showing favoritism. So like look at this from another angle. If yours truly is dating a one gender woman there is certain aspects of my body she would have more understanding, and I would have less explaining to do; as far as biology goes. Honestly pre/post/non operation status doesn’t matter; at one time both have share experience in the same sex body. (Hope I said that without offending anyone too much)

That is the only Pro I can’t personally vouch for… My apologies.

There’s always pro’s and cons to every relationship cis/one gender or trans; hetero or homosexual. But put the word “Trans” on something and people always go straight for the genitals; “How do you have sex?” A relationship period is more than just sex. Yup, sex with someone who is trans is definitely different, but sex with a little person would be different too. Let’s be a little more concerned with how people love instead of how they have sex.

Konfidence is Beauty **Mink lashes

Sooooooo yea..

The lashes, I’m sorry; MINK lashes, were not for me of course 🀦…

However, I was blown away by the customer service πŸ’―. So why not spread the word. Just cause I didn’t use the product personally doesn’t mean I can’t give a review. People do it all the time on Yelp.

So anyways 

The owner Ji’hana was simply the best πŸ’―. I know just about nothing about lashes minus the fact they grow on my face. I wanted the gift to be a surprise but I also didn’t want to be the boyfriend that doesn’t pay attention to his girlfriend enough to know what kind of lashes she likes. What I’m saying is I wasn’t the average or the easiest customer but she made me Konfident in my order and that my girlfriend was going to love her gift.

Even with the holiday jams at the post office it still made it’s way to me before Christmas and I was super excited for my girlfriend to open her gift. I don’t remember the exact amount of days between order, confirmation, shipping and arrival but the whole process wasn’t more than 3 weeks.

My girl loved her lashes and she was so excited she didn’t even wait till Christmas. 🀦.

I know I don’t really have much to “review” but I love the way the look and I know she likes them so that’s all that matters. But what I can say about these high quality MINK lashes is they don’t look like those gross big black caterpillars back home after a few wears πŸ˜‚.

She tries to keep them in the original case when she isn’t wearing them since the case is cute and would keep them in good condition and she won’t have to always ask me where her lashes are. Key word here being “tries”.

Fellas I definitely suggest you get ya girl a pair of two, she’ll love them and you won’t regret it.

Ladies, you see the pics enough said but guess what she also sells all types of quality hair as well as doing individual MINK lash AND bundle installations. 

My girlfriend had this to say:

“I love the lashes they feel so nice, very full, they give me such a wonderful effect on my eyes and I most definitely will recommend them to my friends”

Ya girl Ji’hana is a beast make sure to go check out her website 
https://www.konfidenceisbeauty.com/

Dear LGB , T , QAI , etc

I fight back…

And we all know my blogs are unfiltered and I will read you your rights.

But apparently it would seem that my image had gone soft….

Just because I don’t address everything doesn’t mean I don’t see it or I don’t feel some type of way about it. I practice a lot more self care now and have greatly reduced the amount of stress I put myself through on a daily basis.

I still see the transphobia, the loss of unity within our community, the judgement, the shade, the hate, the comparison, I see it and it STILL makes me sick. I have just choosen to live more healthy lately.

Oh but I still see you and ya bullshit.

I don’t care who you are but I will not tolerate any negative energy, vibes or statements aimed at LGB , T or Q community and it’s individuals. With that being said emphasis on the “I don’t care who you are” ; meaning if you are part of any of the communities mentioned prior and think that because you are “part of the community” you are safe to say whatever hurtful, negative or triggering bullshit you want to those also in the community.

BECAUSE I WILL CALL YO BITCH ASS OUT!

” Iman, what do you mean? “

I mean exactly what the fuck I said. Cause apparently the last time I blogged about how we should protect and pick each other up in a calm reasonable manner no one listened so nowwwwwwww, now I gotta get ignant πŸ™„.
Just because you are a transman don’t mean you can down talk other Tguys on how the choose to transition or what they decided to do with their bodies.

Just because your gay/lesbian & one gender doesn’t mean you can question transgender people on why they “just didn’t stay gay/straight”

Just because you’re GNC does not give you the right or reason to misgender and judge those who choose to transition. AND VERS VISE.

Just because you are a heterosexual transgender individual doesn’t mean it’s ok to speak down or negatively on the trans folxs that identify as bi or pansexual.

Just because you identify as a lesbian doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to misgender and invalidate transmen.

Just because you identify as a gay male doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to misgender and invalidate transwomen.

Transmen. It is NOT ok to disrespect transwomen.

Transwomen. It is NOT ok to disrespect transmen.

Just because your are a transwoman it doesn’t make it ok for you to judge other transwomen by the way they choose to transition or live their lives.

Just because your transgender doesn’t mean you can misgender or judge individuals who identify as GNC or A gender.
If you don’t know by now I don’t play with all this damn hate and judgement inside our own community walls. I can’t stress enough that we ALL have to face the negativity of cis heteronormative assholes…. Let’s not do this to each other.

” Get your shit together people ! “

Social platform handles

IG : iman.da.god

Twitter rants: iman_da_god

AMOSC: Selfmadekris

Letter to my exes…

No , no don’t panic. This is not a petty blog..

Dear Ex,

What we had was special. At the time, I’m assuming; maybe not. That was then. This is me now. For whatever reason you didn’t make it to this chapter of my life; but that is neither here nor there now. I came to say that you taught me something. Wether it was a painful lesson or a bittersweet memory. No, you did not make me who I am today but you are forever part of my past. Something that can never be erased only learned from. However the promises I may have made, promises that I intended to keep; are no more. The past is the past for a reason. Irregardless to the facts and circumstances that lead you to becoming an Ex, I am grateful for all the learning experiences. And I am overjoyed to tell you that I am not the broken person you once knew… 

-I am Iman

Steven Romeo ** Solidarity Soaps & Candles

A small natural & essential oils, all handmade soap and candle business located in Nashville, Tennessee.

Mr. Romeo partnered with Mr Aydian Dowling, president of the Point of Pride organization and donated 50% of sales on select soaps and candles.

Now about his awesome product…

I got the transpride flag color 4oz candle, naturally. I’m still on the first layer (pink), I burn it a few hours each day. I’m a VERY heavy smoker and the candle neutralizes the smoke very well.

There’s not a whole lot of things I can say about this product… It’s a candle πŸ•―οΈπŸ˜ŽπŸ€˜. I am very pleased with it. 

But the owner Steven is good with customer service and his team even included a handwritten thank you note with my order, which was a nice personal touch. I was slightly worried about it breaking in the mail but it was packaged great and made it to me in 2-5 business day in one piece.

Definitely pick me up another candle in the future and maybe try my luck at a bar of soap.

Let’s talk How do you feel about living stealth* #WhatsUpIman

First off, too each their ownπŸ˜‡βœŒοΈ…

And I’ve said this multiple times., Personally I am DADT (don’t ask don’t tell). 

I also understand when people live stealth for certain reasons like safety or comfort. Just like those who choose to live unapologetically out loud like advocates.

Same as those who choose to go through legal transition, therapy & SRS; you do and live how best suits your needs and what is important to you.

So I can say that this is going to be a lengthy blog because this is more of an opinion than actual facts.

“…Because there is no way that you can fuck up every day living so bad that you might die.”

However I will say this… Eventually,now that I’m older and “cis passing” way more than the first time I blogged about this subject; I can see me living more out loud then DADT. I have taken this into consideration not only with my recent career change which puts my face out there more than before in the queer community but also because I CAN live my truth. I’ve never been one to rub my trans status it someone said face or always bringing it up in conversation outside of context. But I am fortunate enough that I can live my truth safely and comfortablely. Which not alot of trans and queer people can say. Those that can seem to forget that someone’s , guilty as charge. So I do see myself living a little more outloud in the future 😎

-Iman

Let’s talk HOW DO YOU MAKE A RELATIONSHIP LAST* #WhatsUpIman

Phew 😢

Well this is going to be an interesting discussion…

…Considering the question is talking about trans*relationships. Specifically transmen & transwomen. I want to get this off my chest. In my personal opinion alot of these relationships (trans) fall apart because the lack of attention and communication mixed with the vast amount of infidelity because so many other single trans individuals seem to be “waiting in the bushes”.

Some things are different in a cis- hetero normative couples and transgender (mtf/ftm) couples of course. That’s from the strain of actually being transgender. 

Personally, I believe all relationships thrive with communication, understanding, honesty, and loyalty; in that order. Trans or One gender.

Communication is definitely key. Without it a relationship can’t move forward of progress or be healthy. If you cannot easily talk to your partner about things you disagree on eventually conversation will become one-sided, passive aggressive, dry and eventually probably not at all.

When I say communicate I mean listen with the intentions to understand not with the intentions to soley respond. Listen with the best of your ability to understand and sympathize. It goes a long way. By doing this your partner will feel more comfortable to discuss more things with you and be more open and less defensive.

Understanding what your partner verbally expresses to you in conversation & communication is important but it is also key to understand your partner as a person. Not only what they like and dislike but how things and situations make them feel. Then you can have a better understanding on why they react the way they do in certaint scenarios. Too often we find ourselves assuming partners, friends, associates, strangers etc; are doing or reacting to something negatively because we don’t truly understand that person. It’s not really nagging if you understand why they are nagging.

Honesty. Yup. Honestly is third on the list. Without understandable communication being honesty is basically pointless. You can be honest with a person all you want but if you or your partner lack communication skills it’s can be complicated to really understand what is being said and if things are misunderstood sometimes it will appear the the person is being dishonest.

Save the best for last, LOYALTY. This is more than just being faithful to the relationship. It’s actually being loyal. To the person , the relationship , and the goal. It’s so much more than just not cheating. Imagine a knight loyal to a kingdom. No only does he not side with another kingdom but he defends the honor of his kingdom at all cost. So looking at it like that not only should you remain faithful but honor your partner and respect the love and relationship you are building together.

I honestly believe most failed relationship could have worked if people took the time to make it work. Easier said then done I’m sure. But try to remember your partner is human. No human is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. But if have communication, understanding, honesty and loyalty (and are actually compatible) you should be find.

But then again I’m not Dr Phil & I am a divorcee…. But I found love again so I have pretty good faith if an asshole boyfriend like me can; anyone can.

πŸ’FAN APPRECIATION GIVE AWAYS !!!

Hey readers, welcome back !!
Today I am here to talk about the FAN APPRECIATION GIVE AWAYS I will be doing every weekend for the month November !!!

I am hosting this via my YouTube channel in celebration and gratitude of all the love and support I have received from my fans since my channel debuted back in late August. 

Here’s my most recent video in case you might have missed it:

I wasn’t expecting the amount of people I would reach & would actually be interested and definitely never would have thought I would have this much support and such awesome fans.

600+ views & 60+ subscribers !!!!

You all are awesome and I appreciate everyone πŸ˜ŠπŸ€—πŸ’.

Soooo… to show my appreciation I am giving a #IAmIman T-shirt (with my cool new custom made logo) to an awesome fan once a week, every week in November.

To enter into the give away all you have to do is share the official trailer of my YouTube channel 

Click here: … https://youtu.be/ANbg_-Gbr8c … to be brought to the trailer

Multiple entries are allowed with a maximum daily entree of three(3).

You can share the video on many different social platforms, even ones I am not currently on.

I am trying to make these giveaways as simple and user friendly as possible while making in accessible to my fans on every social site. However this is my first give away so please continue to bare with me.

Here is a few ways to share the trailer

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/imanking

I will try my best to keep in towards the top of my timeline so you can easily find it. Simply find the public status advertising “FAN APPRECIATION GIVE AWAYS” click share , write post, and then tag my facebook account Iman King.

Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/iman_da_god

Probably the easiest way to share and enter the give away. Retweet my current pinned tweet for an entree. Retweet the retweet for multiple entrees. Too bad nobody is on Twitter these days 🀣

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iman.da.god

Not as simple as Facebook but definitely easy to share and tag. Screenshot the photo of the screenshot of the Facebook status advertising about the “FAN APPRECIATION GIVE AWAYS” (sounds complicated, but it’s not) and post it on your Instagram page. Make sure to tag me or use the hashtag #IamIman. **Remember if your page is private I won’t receive the tag or be able to search the hash tag.

Snapchat – AMOSC: selfmadekris

This may be the most complicated way to enter, but I don’t want to leave my Snapchat fans out. So you can screenshot any advertising from any social platforms (Snapchat included) and post on your story, then take a screenshot of your story and snapchat it to me 

And of course to my readers…. You basically have all of those options to choose from.

Any screenshot of sharing the trailer on media sites not mentioned above are still valid but it is only one entree per day. Sorry but this is because I don’t have a way to verify entree on platforms I do not have and I feel like that’s not fair to everyone else.

If you have problems trying to share for a chance to win please let me know on the specific platform you are trying to share and I’ll fix it so it is available. Help me make this run as smooth as possible.

If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to ask.

Good luck everyone 🀞 and thanks again for your support it is greatly appreciated 😊.

-Iman King

Best hair cut EVER !!!

And then I fucked it up…πŸ™„

So for the weekend of the Philly Trans March as you may or may not know did not go as planned. Among other things that went wrong I totally wrong I completely missed my non-english speaking barber in the Bronx. So I assumed the worse I would have to get a rush cut from some unknown barber some where in Philly.

But here comes the bro to save the day! I was able to get one of the best hair cuts of my adult life. Shout outs to “Marley, da barber”. Ever had a cut so good and so relaxing that you start falling alseep and wake up looking and feeling like a brand new man. Cheeeezus Crice! Ooweee ✊ He hooked up the jacked lining that I got from my no Bueno barber.
But….. Then I fucked it up.

So of course the madness an chaos continued throughout the weekend and well into the week. “How could I possibly make this trip any worse?”… Oh I know I’ll leave not only my durag but my hard brush and “ol reliable”
All I had was a new soft brush I had bought since it was my second official haircut. The Titan # keep me fresh all but 4 days. And not being able to protect my waves at night made me not want to brush at all..  

Which by day 7 I didn’t 😭

So what was a perfect opportunity for gains turned into the waste of a perfect cut. Again I am so disappointed in myself. But in my defense managing work, relationships, self care, money, & social image is an unfamiliar task.

I am now being proactive and will probably take the initiative to self manage my hair in between cuts. This most likely will include several different fails that I will regrettably upload to YouTube at a later date.

Iman’s Idea for this week:

Have extra brushes and back up durags or wave caps to avoid unexpected interruptions in training and maintenance.

Thanks for waving with me, stay wet.