Some people have cute smiles. Some people have cute personalities. Some people have cute bodies. You can see where I’m going with this.
I have way too many cute attributes. Especially as society expects a grown man of color to be portrayed as.
Now before you think I’m sucking my own dick let me explain I am no way in any form bragging on my cuteness. Honestly the shits not all it’s cracked up to be after age 5.
Just to emphasize; I went through an ugly duckling phase. Weirdly enough I was an adorable little girl then matured into this awkward prepubescent and then evolved in to this adolescent social butterfly.
Between the ages of 5 – 9 I was adorable my dimple would always get my way and my thick eyebrows and hyperjetic facial expressions got me out of almost anything.
As a child I always heard “you are so cute ” “oh wow she is so adorable” I’d give a little fake smile yada yada.
Fast forwarding here cause we are getting off track ; Now at almost 26 years old this “cute thing” does more harm then good in soooo many different ways. Yes of course I’m going to explain.
It’s is so hard to look my age. A simply task, taken for granted; that so many of you do naturally. It’s the 8th wonder of the world for me. I struggle from what style clothes I should wear. The way I wear my hair. Even the way I walk into a business or establishment. It’s a bother it is. And it’s rooted in the basic fact that I have a cute face. When you hear cute facial features your brain doesn’t necessarily think “man” now does it. So put a cute face on a individual the size of a teenager most likely in a Pokémon Tee plus the amount of facial hair (mainly peach fuzz) of a prepubescent male. You see a sweet innocent cute young man. In some instances I’ve gotten as young as 14 (Caucasian) an in the rare occasion besides when someone guesses my correct age I’ve only gotten as old as 24 on a good day. You know nice suit fresh shave pep in his step kinda days.
Damn this cute face.
Mistaken identity; believe it or not me being so often perceived as a cute little young boy I get mistaken as such like for real. I’ve gotten stopped for being “truant” at 11:30 on a school day. Getting carded while my young barely legal associates walk right on through. And yes even embarrassingly enough mistook for a son when I was a boyfriend. Issa boyfriend. More recently being hit on by girls that are barely half my age. That’s appalling and disturbing to say the least. Not to mention that 16 year olds are staring to look at attempt to act like grown women. But this hasn’t just happen. This has been going on for quite some time in my liddo ol life. Interesting story about my first age ain’t nothing but a number till ha ppl find out scare. But will save that for another day. Point is when you look young you like shift into a whole other age bracket. And that sucks when it’s like been there done that.
Not being taken seriously. One person has a pit bull as a watch dog , another person has a chihuahua as a watch dog. Which person to you think is getting robbed more ? Maybe an extreme analogy but stay with me. Because this cute attribute makes every day like stressful to some extent. Especially when a person like me is already wary of relationships with other humans. Nice guys finish last but cute guys never finished. When you suffer from a cute personality people often see you as docile calm and in no way a threat. And it’s not like a brightly color “oh that’s cute but that shit can fuck me up cause it’s probably poisonous”. Its like that kid that stalks a harmless butterfly because it’s “cute” and then squashes it because it’s in now way shape or form dangerous.
With that being said take into consideration that I am that cute little butterfly every day of my life.
So I ask you is being cute all that it’s cracked up to be
Peace and blessings everyone, Kings , Queens etc.
This is going to be a little bit different blog than usual. The title is subliminally self explanatory. Real quick short story of exactly how I started my hair journey & a few fun facts of African American hair and styles over the years.
It’s been 6 going on 7 months since my last haircut. My original idea behind growing my hair out was to wear a natural afro. But before even a week into hair journey I snapped back into reality. The reason why I have never had a fro over 5 months old. A full head of my texture of hair has to be twisted or constantly platted. The contrast of the thickness and coarseness of my hair mixed with the laziness of myself when it comes to maintaining a hairstyle is just too much.
The big chop was in September of 2016. I’ll locate lost footage eventually. If I remember correctly it was a clean all around fade. Again at this point I was under the ridiculous impression that I was growing an afro.
Some where between October & November things started to get a little hippy-ish. I couldn’t take it and I ended up getting a lining and a fresh taper , leaving my virgin curls untrimmed and untamed at the top.
For some strange dumb reason the hair that grows around my knowledge knot in the back of my head is nearly the total opposite of the texture of the rest of my hair. It’s like “happy feet” I still have baby hair. It’s awkward and responsible for numerous ‘bad hair days’ in junior high. I thought the taper would solve the problem but alas it wasn’t high enough *sadface. So I went to my go to back up plan , “The Frohawk”. It’s always my plan B when I wuss out on growing a full head of hair. I can hide my baby hair in plain sight at the back of my Frohawk.
The Frohawk only lasted a few weeks in December, again trying to recall correctly, and by mid to late January I had broke down to a “High Fade w/ Curls”. It was a new year joke that I couldn’t pull off a man bun if I tried. But by the end of January it was no longer a joke. Chop , Chop.
A few bad fades and sad attempts at braids later I found myself finally getting my natural unlocked hair successfully braided for the first time in over a decade and a half. February 2017.
I’m not “tender – headed” but I didn’t exactly miss getting my thoughts and ideas braided into my scalp , ha ha.
And now here we are at the end of March and going into the 7th month of my hair journey and it’s hasn’t been a single day in the last 3 weeks that I haven’t thought about doing chopping it all off.
Blessed with the gift and curse of having hair that can defy gravity isn’t all daisies and roses. Luckily it’s still a pretty chilly spring up here in New York so beanies are still acceptable. It’s not without a great struggle that I can get my free hair in or under a snap back.
Since I have enough length to grip I usually keep my hair braided cornrolled or platted but we all have a bad hair day where it would be immoral to leave out your residence with out some type of headgear. I just seem to have had more hat days as my hair grows longer and my patience grows shorter.
Normally for me the half a year to the first year is the ugly stage on the growth timeline. To avoid that I plan on keeping my hair braided or platted untill at least June. Wish me luck.
Over the years of my adult and prepubescent life I have had just about ever hairstyle or some version of style. Fade, waves, dreads , clean just to name a few; but as always I’m looking for something new , something to test out.
I did some research on what is the “man-bun”, not a whole lot of recent information pertaining to POC; not that much of a surprise. The style seemed to only resurface at the beginning to mid 2000s. Now it seems to be popular with people of every ethnic background.
Originally the undercut was worn by people in poverty that couldn’t afford a barber with the skill and training to fade out the sides.
Personally I think I would enjoy the style because it gives me the opportunity to grow my natural hair out but only having to put in half of the work it takes to maintain it.
I’m not a natural hair “guru” , in fact I probably would be the worst to ask for tips on natural growth for POC. Honestly I do alot of things to my crown I shouldn’t. Or they say I shouldn’t.
I usually wash my hair every day; bad habit I picked up in the military, which of course in BCT it was beyond necessary. I put absolutely no type of anything in my hair; which is not for the lack of trying. I’m currently looking for a line of natural hair care products from a small business I can trust.
There’s been several occasions where my hair was combed through with too fine tooth of a comb; realizing now that the pain is a sign of split ends to come.
I don’t protect it from the friction of my sheets at night of the elements of the weather during the day.
It’s not like I don’t love my hair or respect my crown. I do my own thing & so does my hair.
Haven’t decided on the extent of the amount of documentation I am going to do during this hair journey, I mean shit I can barely make a stable weekly blog. But if my readers & viewers are interested I’ll try to add it to the line up.
Until next time
Fb : Iman King
Peace my readers & hello to some strangers I’m assuming..
I’ve had quite bit of writer’s block due to the amount of new projects I’ve been taking on mixed with the changes of the current in the ocean of life.
But I can muster up the intellectual ability to express the valid need to live your dreams. All to often people question my motive of being so careful and well travelled. “How can you just pick up and leave” , “It doesn’t scare you not knowing” , “I wish I had the courage like you”. It saddens me a great deal crossing paths with people that I can see want to live their dream but are yet so afraid of failure they don’t even try .
Don’t get me wrong travelling and living life at the helm can be scary , nerve wrecking and even stressful at time but I stay course because knowing that should my heart stopped today I lived yesterday to my liking and standards.
Please don’t think that living your dream is also always about knowing where you are going and what your immediate step is cause I’m living proof is easy to get lost in the sauce.
Came to NYC to experience the bright lights and found myself lost in the system working for the man with nothing to show but a few selfies in my work uniform. I turned into something I despise the most and still convinced myself that I was following my dreams.
Yes I am currently living in the big Apple. Queer & unapologetic. With strong grassroots from the south. BUT I was still working at a hypocritical company surviving paycheck to paycheck.
I lost touch with my talents. Lost touch with my skills. Lost touch with fans and even lost touch with the me I had just found after all these years.
So with that being said I have once , yes yet again ; decided to get back in the swing of going with the current of positive vibes instead of what’s fast and flashy. Far from saying I’m done traveling just figure this might be a little more serious than just a routine oil change.
Till next week ✌
Instagram : iman.da.god
Twitter : imandagod
Facebook : Iman King
Gmail : imandagod
Except this time I think this could really be a new me this year. Finally learned to put my pride aside and do whats best for me. So one of the slogans for this year is “fuxkyofeels” seems a little harsh but for the last 4 years its been fuxk Kris’ feelings , so I think a switch up is over due. Now dont get me wrong I’m still a sweet taddy bear with a big gold heart but I’m not staying in situations that make me feel uncomfortable. One wrong move and your out. That 3 strike shit is a thing of the past. 2016. This year everyone gets one chance & one chance only. I refuse to bite my tongue, adapt or change for anyone. It was 22 long miserable years that I was uncomfortable with who I was & who I choose to identify as. Now that I’m just about completely (minus a few flaws) comfortable with myself & who I am, I am no longer making it my mission to make other around me comfortable. So with that being said let me give you a quick run down of deal breakers.
-Im an introvert.
Constant useless nonsense chatter grinds my gears. If all you can bring to the conversation is latest trends, useless fad and negativity; stay away that shit is annoying, toxic& just tew much for my mind space.
-I loveeeee animals.
Yup all shapes sizes and breeds. #allspeciesmatter. So if your the type to constantly pig out on animals productions wear fur or watching animal planet for hours bore you, sorry we wont have much in common. I have a hobby of collective exotic pets so if rats, snakes, spiders etc give you the hebbie gebbies you wont be spending much time at my habitat.
-Im a Virgo. Cut and dry.
If you dont know much about September virgos I suggest you do so research. We are literal & anal beings. I hate using or expression my emotions and despise people that cant keep their feelings in check. So as long as your not overly dramatic, can give me my space when I need it & understand that talking, expressing or even thinking about my emotions makes everything awkward and stressful for me then we should be good.
-I hate people.
And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Ironically enough I tend to attract people & come of a bit of a people person that gets along with most. But I have a very small circle of people I consider friends. So; no, i dont want to meet your friends..no I dont want to go to a rad party or a jumping new club. Take me to a museum, a quite walk in a park or just leave my ass inside.
-I love country music.
Yes. Yes I do. I was raised on country music from the 80s & 90s and r&b and soul music from the 50s & 60s. So if country music puts a bad taste in your ear I suggest you keep your opinions to yourself & call an uber.
-I love the outdoors.
Minus people of course. I do love being inside immersed in a new video game or an interesting documentary but I just as easy get cabin fever sometimes. So I do enjoy a outdoor festival or activity once in a while. Dont over do it of course. But if all you want to do is stay inside and stare at a screen you will become surprisingly aware that I can get bored extremely quickly.
-I have a temper.
Wow? Really? Yes I do. Lucky enough for most they usually dont get to see it. But say you catch me at a bad time; keep dying on the exact same spot on a game for hours, encountering a bully, seeing any kind of abuse or just somedays when I wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Good news is Im not violent or physically abusive when losing my temper.
-Diagnosed bipolar at an early age.
Chea. A real young age. 8. I try to deny it. Say I have it under control (like most who are bipolar) but yeaaaa,… I dont. But each day gets better I supposed. So with that being established on occasions I go through hyper mania moods were I’m extra hyper and happy with life for no reason & I also go though bouts of sever depression followed my uncontrollable fits of tears & just being upset with the world.
Alot to deal with, I know.
But wait… Theres more
– I suffer from ADHD.
Most people think its a made up disorder. Some parents(like mine) want to dope their kids up with OTC drugs to get them to sit still. But now as an adult who suffers with attention deficit hyperactive disorder I see that maybe the Dr’s werent so far of all those years ago. In laymans terms however all that means is my ass cant always pay attention for long periods of time. I may be looking straight at you, but I promise you I didnt hear anything you said. Also I tend to get hyper & goofy (at the worst possible times) if I’ve had to stay quiet and subtle for to long.
-Im random & sporadic.
All. The. Damn. Time. Legit its hard as hell for me to make my mind up most of the time and normally when I’ve made up my mind it usually changes within the next minute or two. This applies to just about every aspect of my life. So most of the time I go with the flow.
I need attention, I wouldnt say I need alot of attention cause sometimes people creep me out but if I feel like your attention is divided.. Well lets just say, you would have been better off ignoring me. So if u take hours & days to respond dont be shocked when I cut you off.
-Im sexually fluid. (*pansexual)
I enjoy femininity & masculinity. So no im not gay but i wouldnt exactly fit in the hetrosexual category either. So if your one of those people thats all hopped on the gender binary, toxic masculinity views & ideas etc. Pleaseeeee stay far away from me. Keep your labels to yourself and your cans.
And the most important deal breaker of them all….
-I CHERISH MY PERSONAL SPACE.
SERIOUSLY. If you cant understand that there is really nothing else to discuss. Sometimes Im going to leave a party early. Sometimes I am going to sit off to the side at a group setting. Sometimes I’m going to want the house to myself. Sometimes I’m not gonna want you in my personal bubble. Nothing is wrong… OH. MY. GODDDD. NOTHING IS WRONG! I just really enjoy myself more than anyone else on this dying planet.
Well shit got real personal.
Ha ha. Figured most have been around have long enough to learn a little about the man behind the keyboard & give the new comers fair warning about exactly whose blog they stumbled on.
Glad to have yall with me as we go into another year & I hope 2017 is everything you are hoping it will be.
Peace ✌ & blessings ❤
*Taking questions and topic suggestions throughout January via ask.fm/inspiredtad
Social media handles:
FB: Kristian King
So Ive been in this crazy new fast paced city for almost a month now & it has been an eye opener to say the least. I have learned sooo much about myself in these last 30 days. Things i thought I could never do on my own I’ve done. Things that bothered me that id never thought I’d have the confidence to speak up about I have. This has truely been a growth experience for me in every way possible; in every way imaginable. I cant really get into detail because its so much & I still cant quite put my finger on exactly what has happened or where the change and epiphany occured but stay tuned I should have it figured out before too long.
Just know if you have been following me since the beginning these blogs to come are from an entirely different man…
Peace & blessings readers. Again I apologize for my tardiness. Handling the culture shock, my recent separation & the struggles of starting over has been leaving me too drained to blog, vlog or anything else for that matter. But I have made the decision to push through it all and keep fighting; which brings me here. Ha ha.
Sooooo where to start?…
Let’s start of with the level of cultural shock that I am experiencing from moving from the dirty south to the damn north pole. Weather. I am in total shock that my body has fought off developing any kind of cold. I did take the precaution and get a flu shot this winter. Yea yea I know I have no idea whats in the needle, but shit I’m miserable enough with the freezing temperatures & disrespectful ass wind chills. I dont want to speak too soon but I believe my immune system is handling the cold better than my body and attitude. Have you ever cussed the wind out? Moved to New York , I swear you will several times a day.
As far as interpersonal cultural shock it is entirely waayyyy too crowded out here. From the streets to public transportation. Ugh, people. Took me a few days and a lot of deep breaths but I’m not as anxious as I was when i first arrive 2 weeks ago. Still trying to understanding the. “Lingo”. “Deadass” “lit” “tight” but I’m coming around with the help of my translator. The amount of police (ops) out here was unnerving at first but now i feel a little more safe I suppose. Witnessing the ignorance in New Orleans go from a gesture to a slur to a fight to a shoot out, and then in New York seeing it rarely escalate to more than a simple shrug and a walk away… Well, woooowwww, is all I can say.
On a personally level my anxiety and bipolar symptoms are at an all time high but it’s ok because its teaching me to have more self control and at the least selfawarenes of my feelings and emotions. In good progress in a few days I will be sitting in a doctor’s office in the Bronx getting poked and proded in order to begin therapy again. Im excited and nervous but happy more than anything.
Do I feel homesick?..
Eh, at times I feel homesick & sometimes I feel really homesick. Usually when I need a translator for a normal conversation or when I get lost on the subway or when I have the urge to hear the beat. Its usually only for a moment because all the bright lights and hustle and bussle of the big city is a huge distraction from missing my past.
On a more deeper personal level (not going into details) I have learned sooo much about myself as far as what I want, what I dont want & how much it usually doesn’t matter. Working on all of that and growing everyday is proving to be a challenging journey with no particular destination but nevertheless I journey that is welcomed with open arms & one that has been long overdue.
Well, thats all for now; hopefully my next blog entry will be a little more structured. But then again with a guy like me, you never know. Till next time everyone.
FB: Kristian King
The last and finally stretch… I have just under an hour until I reach New York.
This has legit been the longest aggyiest uncomfortable bus ride of my 25 years. I will be freakin ecstatic when its all over.
I havent been this hungry in a while. And I hope to never feel this stomach pain from malnutrition ever again. 😢
Now that Im just about in arms reach of the door to my future… Im nervous as hell.
See on the bus, I have a destination, a goal. Once I step foot in New York I have no idea what my next step is. But I’m going to keep putting one foot in front of the other & keep my eyes focused on my goal.
Oh, whats my goal you ask?…
For now, just to be better than I was yesterday.
Thanks for reading & be on the look out for the video footage mash up “On the road”
YT: Mr Iman King
Second to last pit stop…
I finally got some sleep on this long ass bus ride; somewhere between VA & NC I think. From 4 to about 8am.
No more long layovers thank Jah.
I didnt do much personal thinking this stretch of highway because someone important needed my attention. Homestly all I can think about is food now anyways. I strongly advise anyone taking a 26hr+ bus or train right stock zoozoos properly. I dont know how I burned calories & energy by simply sitting on a bus.
I think I’ll take a nap until the finally pit stop.. 6 more hours to go.
I dont think I’ve ever been this nervous & anxious in my life…
YT: Mr Iman King
That 3hr layover in Atlanta nearly killed me ugh. But finally back on this highway, this is one long ass bus ride.
Having some time to think to myself
(ignoring the social media stalking from a VERY bitter ex wife) I had an epiphany. Before transitioning I really wasnt torn about my gender or sexuality. Now that I have learned the dynamics & aspects of society & its ridiculous cis gender binary I realize that I might be more fluid than I thought at first.
I know I gender wise fit the male spectrum ( I refuse to use the term “umbrella” , i hate it). I use male pronouns & I embrace my male privilege. But again, going back to compare to the gender binary. There is some “discrepancies”. Jajaja
I do have more feminine tendencies; such as talking with my hands, softer walk, fluctuation & inflection when I speak and I overall do have certaint flamboyant (also dislike using that word in this context) or “gay” personality. I dont force myself to completely to fit into the male spectrum & I embrace all my characteristics wether they are masc or femme.
Coming to terms with the fact that I do have femme qualities I started to really embrace and find myself. I dropped the whole heterosexual male act and really did some soul searching. My gender identity doest change; I am a male. However my gender personality is somewhat fluid. Sometimes Im in a masc space and attitude & sometimes I’m in a more femme mood. My gender itself is always and will always be male. Couldnt change that if I wanted do. (Clearly after 20+ years of crossdressing haha)
As far as embrancing my pansexuality I realize that I am more sexually attracted to femininity. Not necessarily female bodied individuals. So that of course takes me out the category heterosexuality, because I could be sexually attracted to a male bodied/masc person that gives femininity.
Embracing even further I find myself to be more completely attracted to people and not gender or femme or masc. So that also could leave a door open to be somewhat sexually attracted to a masc/male bodied indiviual that shows no feminity what so ever. If I first find attraction with them as a person.
Hmm so yup yup…
Guess i did learn somethin about myself on this long ass bus ride haha
Made it to my first pit stop in Mobile, AL with a layover of an hour…
A small pit stop compared to all the ones I will take over the course of the next day & a half. Bummed that I misplaced my ipod charger so vloggin is going to be crappy quality but I’m still vloggin anyways ha ha.
Doing alot of thinking on this bus ride & in these terminals, hopefully soon ill have some type of break through because this crook in my neck is blowing it.