The benefits from being around nature.

I’ve always enjoyed having pets. Even if they weren’t really pets. I used to get in so much trouble for sneaking and feeding the stray cats. Causing them to hang out around the house.

Not to mention the stray somehow suprisingly never rabid dogs. I even found much enjoyment and interest in wildlife. Like feeding the birds in squirrels in my back yard. Helping my grandmother in the day Lilly flower beds and rose bushes

Biology was always my favorite subject since elementary. And just being outside was a pleasure…. 

That was until I developed an unhealthy distrust for all human species.

Seeing another creature wether sential or not seems to promote calms and relaxation for me personally. And also usually being stoned it’s fun to watch pets just… live, you know.
Gives me hope πŸ’—
Never stop appreciation life

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Minding your OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS!!!!!

“If you don’t have something nice to say; don’t say anything at all… If it doesn’t concern you, it isn’t any of your concern… What ever happened to that?..”

I’m starting to find as I get older and mature my patience for people not minding their own business, and not shutting the fuck up is fleeting. Like that shit really grinds my gears. 

Sometimes even though an issue doesn’t directly involve you but you still have a valid part as an ally. For instance: Men considering themselves feminist. Directly indirectly involved. 

By all means stand up for what’s right. I’m referring to people speaking up on with negative opinions on things are aren’t directly affecting them.  Key word here being negative.

So many times on social media I come across people spewing hatred and negativity on situations that don’t involve them directly or indirectly. 

Don’t mind me, I’m just venting….

Hard work pays off

..  or I just have really good luck

Either way life has been going good. Recall me blogging about abruptly losing one job back in December (a week before christmas) then I got hired 3 days later and starting working a week later. Well things have come a long way since then.

This dish washing job was what I thought was just something that would keep me afloat untill I either won the lottery or figured out life. However it quickly turned into something great. Of course I was putting in an enormous amount of hard work and effort into it. Because this was the only thing I had at the time to keep me from sinking.

Originally hired as “kitchen help” I learned a new skill as far as cooking; πŸ˜‹ now I know how to toss dough, 😏 been tossing salads for a while now tho. Of course me being my own worst critic and never ever having tossed dough let alone do anything else with a pizza besides either order, put it in the over or eat it. I quickly got frustrated a seized the opportunity to quietly maneuver to busboy/dishwasher. 

“Like always pot brings people together.”

Just so happen that the current dishwasher wasn’t thrilled about coming to work. Probably a college kid just look to have something to do sometimes a a small paycheck. So soon it went from picking up his shifts, to; “you’re the only dishwasher”. Seems like a miniscule job, one the someone would not desire. Nope. Not me. Doing pretty much mindless one task labor for a decent amount is fine with me. Can’t go to work stoned of you’re an accountant or a brain surgeon. Think about.

Still, the “decent” amount of money wasn’t really making me smile on paydays exactly. So I worked a little harder. Picked up extra deep cleaning shifts. Made my schedule completely flexible. Stood out there. Went above and beyond. Showed up and showed out. At first I felt like I wasn’t being taken seriously then *boom* I came in the clutch. Earned some respect, recognition and not to mention hours and money.

And now. .    it was time for my demands. I started asking around; who does what & why and how long before I can start to do that??? Still seemed like I wasn’t getting the results I wanted so I snatch my chance like women snatch they edges. 

Made the leap from dish to expo. When they needed a hand I was there. Slowly at first then a little more confident and a lot less mistakes. Still, effort for no movement. But I was waiting on a raise from my MVP moment so I was content and enjoy the switch from dish to expo at my leisure. Since my title was still dish but also liked to lend a hand and give my brain different task.

“Some have greatness thrust apon them”

The light at the beginning of the tunnel. A morning chef was calling it quits and enough faith had already been proven from my part that the position was mine. It came as more of a question than a statement. However, I was still being called for those hail Mary plays and, well my arm was getting tired. And let’s not forget IMAN IS NOT A MORNING PERSON. So now I’m starting to think this isn’t really the tunnel I want.

Originally reluctantly I had to speak up that I was getting burned out with working my normal nights , then detailed mornings. Much less reluctant when me mentioning another raise got brushed off like a snow flurry. Whilst asking me to do additional mornings for training. Still waiting for a raise. Not to mention on top of insomnia and my sleep pattern officially going to shit around that time.

Still I rise, tho. Keep working hard, giving 109% and most importantly having a flexible work availability schedule. Immediately after dropping the details to focus on morning trainings. Things get switched again. And not only do I keep my nights instead of having to train in the mornings (at open btw) but a closing manager position opens up and my training started the following shift, which happened to be that same night. Plus I am currently working at my new wages πŸ’―

Present day:

Working 2 weeks straight putting in extra time and effort into my training and once again proving that I am that MVP. Already 2 weeks into to the 6 of +40hrs/week you need to qualify for full time benefits. Hopefully here after my training it will simmer down and I can work a set schedule 40 and can go back to having a normal life.

Thanks for stopping by

I don’t know if it was hard work, because I’ve put in hard work before and got nothing. But I’ve literally have done no work not even fake work and been lucky. So maybe this time it’s a little bit of both πŸ‘ŒπŸΎ

Hidden Talents/Hobbies

When I was around the age of 8 or 9 I got my first Rubik’s cube. Of course at that age and my attention span it quickly became a misplaced toy or something gathering dust on a book case.

“The quickest thing I learned about the (Rubik’s)cube was how to take it apart.”

I revisited the cube a few times sporadically in my early teens and then the little paper that came with it made a little more sense. Its bright colors and ability to intice my brain still was in my spirit as an adult. 

But within the last 4 years it has been increasingly attracting my attention, so a few weeks ago I sought out to master the Rubik’s cube. Suprisingly it was a whole lot easier to solve then I originally thought. If you know something about Rubik’s cubes or know how to solve one then you know it just requires memory and basic understanding on how the peices move separately and in it’s entirety.

Within a few days I went from barely being able to solve the middle layer to solving the entire cube in just over and hour. Practice makes muscle memory, muscle memory makes improvement.

Too often I find myself not really able to point out my hobbies or skills or something Im good at and also enjoy. Little knick knacks things, odd jobs that I am unique at. I can honestly say the frustration I experienced the first time I picked up a Rubik’s cube never would have led me to imagine that one day I would be able to solve it.

Can you solve a Rubik’s cubeβ„’ ?

Social anxiety/trust issues + Personal Relationships = ???

Excellent question..

To this very day still solving this equation. Here’s what I’ve found so far.

My social aniexty and my distrust in people go hand in hand. My trust issues cause out of place and what some would call outrageous thinking especially in social interactions and relationships. My thought process on how to deal with and understand other people and how they interact was skewed a long time ago.

…like a glass plate once it’s broken, even if you gather all the peices; it will never be the same.

It is a daily struggle and an ongoing battle for me personally but I have learned that not everyone is out to get me. For the most part. I still think unrealistic pessimistic outcomes in certain social interactions. But not as much as I have in the past.

One of my coping methods that seem to be working is thinking, “What’s the worst that could happen?”. It sounds like thinking like that would actually increase my aniexty. On the contrary it helps. I am an over-thinker, can’t really change that and working on the way I think is still being, well; worked on. So no matter how outrageous and non-likely whatever crazy outcomes my aniexty cause me to come up with I let them play out in my head.

Most of the time these thoughts are so farfetched I end up laughing at myself and realizing how ridiculous I am. Some more realistic thoughts however do require some soul searching. For example: a lot of times I find myself stressing about what people’s intentions are with me. So I map out exactly what’s the worst that could happen if they are in fact out to hurt me in some way. I pretty confident in my ability to protect myself both physical and mentally. So instead of just wondering I prepare. 

The downside to this is it takes a lot of brain power to manifest these thoughts without hurling myself into some kind of depression. I would compare it someone being scared of a rollercoaster. They watching rare videos of people in rollercoaster accidents. Then look up exactly how rollercoasters work, how to spot defects and faults on the tracks; fully understanding the end and outs of the coaster and mapping out all the possibilities that could actually happen should they decided to get on that ride.

“Now that I’m actually writing this… You know what, this will probably only work for my weirdness.”

So technically I’m still working on the answer to the equations above…. 

First 6 months in my new apartment

Well well, never thought I’d get this far…

Let’s just say I’m like an adult cat , I can probably take care of myself but someone should be around.

This is the first time that I have lived alone for longer than two weeks in almost in a decade. I usually end up with a roommate or a partner. Yes I am aware I have dependency issues. Anywho, I am remarkable proud of myself for holding my own for this long without adult supervision.

Especially losing my job so suddenly back in late December. With less than $500 in savings I was pretty worried. I don’t normally live above my means anyways. But I did manage to let somethings go that weren’t necessities, like Netflix & my Xbox Game Pass. I work weird hours now so I don’t really have time for all that anyways.

Slipping into a slight depressive state for a  few weeks the end of January; jet lag from all the mistakes I made in 2017 most likely. I kept my mind and my apartment clean so and I’m doing much better.

Still have yet to seek out a physician to get back into therapy. But I’m still recovering from having to go through 3 different doctors in a year. My anxiety isn’t exactly telling me it’s a priority.

I’ve even used the open floor plan of my place to my advantage in my healthy living goals. I’ve been able to do more advanced at home work outs and even do a little yoga once in a while.

Over all I am very proud of myself 😊

“Wonder if you are too…”

Figuring out you have a manipulative partner/friend.

Something that we don’t talk about enough in the transgender community. Men & Women. Let’s be honest; too often we are seen as fetishes, trophy or the “trans friend” everyone is so proud to have. It results in wasted time, broken hearts and unfortunately for some of my sisters a lost of a life. Most of these issues stem from a partner/friend not truly being comfortable with themselves. So they manipulate the situation and perception of it.

The biggest and most dangerous manipulative situation for alot of us is a partner whom is not yet comfortable with themselves trying to reflect that paradigm on their transgender partner. This is detrimental to our mental health and to some who fall into situations with those who would rather take a life than admit attraction to someone who is transgender; is down right deadly.

“Being trans and pursuing a relationship or a friendship is hard.”

Taking being transgender out of the equation (I know not all of my readers are trans) having a partner or friend who is manipulative is sooooo stressful. Manipulate individuals use words and actions to cause others to react the way they want them to. Often times we don’t even realize we are getting manipulated. 

Statements like:

  • “All I want know..”
  • “But it really isn’t my fault..”
  • “You shouldn’t feel that way..”
  • “Well remember when you..”

Are basically avoiding the actual situation being discussed, redistributing fault, and forcing feelings and paradigms on another; usually the one that initiated the conversation. It may seem like the person is listening and understand but subtle words & phrases, such as the ones just started; usually proves otherwise.

Everyone is guilty of this to some extent, myself included. It is not always done maliciously but it can differently take a toll if done repeatedly. Especially if it’s brought up to be received as manipulation or several occasions and it is continued.

As you let someone in and they begin to understand what exactly makes you tock they are also learning what makes you tickets. How to push your buttons. Most of the time these triggers are learned subconsciously and shouldn’t be a problem. You should care for a person through the good, the bad & the ugly. 

It’s when individual take this acquired knowledge and use it to force you in to emotions or actions to benefit them that it becomes manipulation. Everyone, literally everyone does this! *To some extent.

Parents use it to get their children to behave. Companies do it to their employees to get to work diligently. Countries do it to get their citizens to comply. It’s not always malicious, it’s not always negative. But when it’s don’t repeatedly it alters the relationship and communication between whatever parties are involved.

So then how do you know when your friend/partner is actually being manipulative or just being human?

Ahhh, that is the part where it gets complicated and begins to be in a grey area. My personal opinion is to voice how you feeling, should you start feeling manipulated. It will be the person’s reaction and response that will give you all the signs you need to know. Also take into consideration how often you use words and actions to manipulate others and definitely towards your partner/friend that you are having the discussion with.

Understanding is key. Remorsefulness is the deciding factor (for me). 

Sometimes it’s a learned trait, adefense mechanism acquired through life and sometimes it’s just a bad habit picked up.

It takes someone who is truely comfortable with themselves to admit “I am being manipulative in our realtionship and I apologise”

How sugarcoated or how blunt you wish to confront said individual is entirely up to you. However, I can say from experience that sooner rather than later is usually best. No one likes to be manipulated into doing/feeling anything. Holding it in can make the initial conversation hard.  

My advice to anyone would be: First try to understand where the person is at in life and what is causes these actions. Then decide if you want to receive those actions as malacious or just plain old human nature. Lastly have a talk with them and voice how you feel and what you would like to be changed. Most importantly understand that no one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes & they way someone is feeling is never for you to decide if it’s right or wrong. 

 A feeling or emotion is exactly that.

 I hope this blog has helped a least one person begin to understand and figure out which side of a manipulative situation they are on and take the means to correct it. πŸ€—

Thanks for reading!

420 experiment; Stems.

The age old question, is there enough THC in stems to get you high????

I was forced to find the answer to this question πŸ™„

In between careers, low on cash lead to the event we are about to discuss. It was going on close to a week since I had a proper dose of THC. Stress levels were increasingly high and I had become desperate. Google assistant of course found some nice articles about cannis plants and the how much THC is in every part of the plant.

 So I had the GREEN light 

 Actually I didn’t really read the article top to bottom, I got my answer and I proceeded. Missed the minor note that it may cause headaches; on top of several other reasons I would have probably got a headache today anyways. Ohhhhh man was is bad I had to wrap some ice in a towel and put it in the base of my neck to fall asleep. Before that pain was so excruciating I could barely see street. 

The buzz wasn’t even worth. But there indeed was a 30-50mins period where I was back to my normal relaxed self. And the headache didn’t get bad till almost 8hrs later & it didn’t turn into migraine until 12hrs after the first rip.

It’s mostly likely nearly impossible to simply roll a spliff full of sticks and stems and it be very successful. But a grinder and a water bong did about as much justice as it could.

Would I suggest it on a regular basis, probably not. But hey I definitely know the struggle. It’s hard out here for a pimp.

They should just legalize it πŸ™„

Dear LGB , T , QAI , etc

I fight back…

And we all know my blogs are unfiltered and I will read you your rights.

But apparently it would seem that my image had gone soft….

Just because I don’t address everything doesn’t mean I don’t see it or I don’t feel some type of way about it. I practice a lot more self care now and have greatly reduced the amount of stress I put myself through on a daily basis.

I still see the transphobia, the loss of unity within our community, the judgement, the shade, the hate, the comparison, I see it and it STILL makes me sick. I have just choosen to live more healthy lately.

Oh but I still see you and ya bullshit.

I don’t care who you are but I will not tolerate any negative energy, vibes or statements aimed at LGB , T or Q community and it’s individuals. With that being said emphasis on the “I don’t care who you are” ; meaning if you are part of any of the communities mentioned prior and think that because you are “part of the community” you are safe to say whatever hurtful, negative or triggering bullshit you want to those also in the community.

BECAUSE I WILL CALL YO BITCH ASS OUT!

” Iman, what do you mean? “

I mean exactly what the fuck I said. Cause apparently the last time I blogged about how we should protect and pick each other up in a calm reasonable manner no one listened so nowwwwwwww, now I gotta get ignant πŸ™„.
Just because you are a transman don’t mean you can down talk other Tguys on how the choose to transition or what they decided to do with their bodies.

Just because your gay/lesbian & one gender doesn’t mean you can question transgender people on why they “just didn’t stay gay/straight”

Just because you’re GNC does not give you the right or reason to misgender and judge those who choose to transition. AND VERS VISE.

Just because you are a heterosexual transgender individual doesn’t mean it’s ok to speak down or negatively on the trans folxs that identify as bi or pansexual.

Just because you identify as a lesbian doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to misgender and invalidate transmen.

Just because you identify as a gay male doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to misgender and invalidate transwomen.

Transmen. It is NOT ok to disrespect transwomen.

Transwomen. It is NOT ok to disrespect transmen.

Just because your are a transwoman it doesn’t make it ok for you to judge other transwomen by the way they choose to transition or live their lives.

Just because your transgender doesn’t mean you can misgender or judge individuals who identify as GNC or A gender.
If you don’t know by now I don’t play with all this damn hate and judgement inside our own community walls. I can’t stress enough that we ALL have to face the negativity of cis heteronormative assholes…. Let’s not do this to each other.

” Get your shit together people ! “

Social platform handles

IG : iman.da.god

Twitter rants: iman_da_god

AMOSC: Selfmadekris

Β Losing my job a week before Christmas…

Hey readers, can’t say this blog will be any good news sorry…

But yes I did lose my job a week before Christmas πŸ˜₯…

The news totally came as a shock to me. I went through so many emotions in the matter of a few hours. My stress was at an all-time high and my confidence in myself was at a low it hadn’t seen in a while. 12 hours in I found myself still somewhat flabbergasted but had already began the stages of grief. 

“It really hurts man. I thought I’d be making prosthetics forever.”

It was hard copping with such a drastic and abrupt change in my everyday life; my way of living. Already having gone through several life altering events and having mental disorders I did what I could to fight off depression and not go down the ugly cold dark road. 

My termination was not yet public knowledge but due to my line of work I had to somewhat explain to customers why I would no longer be able to help them. That was probably one of the worst things about being fired. 

About 2 days in I found myself snapping back and on the job hunt again. It was still pretty tough getting out of bed and putting on clothes to go out into the world but it was even tougher looking myself in mirror and thinking about just giving up.

” I got fired. A week before Christmas. Through a text message. On my day off. ” , Now tell me that ain’t some shitty type of luck.

As always though I had some amazing black girl magic to help me pick my self off the ground and keep on pushing. My moms, my sister & of course my girlfriend. My recovery time was way less than alot of the life changing events I had been through in the past. Considering it’s severity I would say it’s a new record. And I owe it all to my support system of women who love me unconditionally.

So it’s only been a 2 days shy of a week since the whole ordeal and maybe it’s the holidays or just me mature and not being so angry all the time now but I am extremely optimistic about everything Iman.

Thanks for reading.

*Special thanks to all those who knew and reached out on more than one occasion to check on me, I really appreciated that πŸ’―

” Whose hiring ? “πŸ˜‚