Want it, think it, have it ..ย 

Familiar with the law of attraction ๐Ÿค”….

“I’ve become pretty good with the force. It’s about a 3-4 month turnaround.”

 I have had a pretty adventurous 2018 so far. Recapping the last month of 2017…. I lost my job, I was already struggling to make ends meet and trying to find balance in my life. But before I knew it my life started to change for the better. 

In the month of January I started a new job. Still struggling to make ends meet but I was making it. I started conveniently working at the restaurant I lived above of. I had experience and paperwork to be hired at least $1.50 above minimum wage but nevertheless I was hired at a dishwasher at $10.00 an hr.

February was an easier month, with finding myself again gainfully employed and no longer stressing the worry of becoming evicted. I continued to bust my ass at work. Picking up all hours I could as the kitchen dishwasher. Even picked up shifts as the opening cleaner. 

Things were continuously looking up as I did the awkward transition from February to March. My hard work did not go unnoticed and I began my training for being not only the night time closing chef but also a promotion to manager with a $2.00 raise.

Now in the first week in May rumors are going around that I am being looked at to replace the current assistant GM (lead chef/white hat in kitchen terms) whom is stepping down to spend more time with his kids. I’ve been giving more responsibility, unsupervised shifts, hiring and firing privileges, recipe creation etc. So it looks like a little over half a year and I’ve moved up from second to last on the totem pole to second to first.

Not bad.

Guess hard work does pay off ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ’ฏ

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The benefits from being around nature.

I’ve always enjoyed having pets. Even if they weren’t really pets. I used to get in so much trouble for sneaking and feeding the stray cats. Causing them to hang out around the house.

Not to mention the stray somehow suprisingly never rabid dogs. I even found much enjoyment and interest in wildlife. Like feeding the birds in squirrels in my back yard. Helping my grandmother in the day Lilly flower beds and rose bushes

Biology was always my favorite subject since elementary. And just being outside was a pleasure…. 

That was until I developed an unhealthy distrust for all human species.

Seeing another creature wether sential or not seems to promote calms and relaxation for me personally. And also usually being stoned it’s fun to watch pets just… live, you know.
Gives me hope ๐Ÿ’—
Never stop appreciation life

Life is AMAZEBALLS ! **NEW PRODUCTS @ GenderCatโ„ข

Or at least products over at GenderCatโ„ข are !! And NOW even BETTER than before !!!

To bring you up to speed ;my first soft intact packer with amazeballs….. Is no more. Long story increasingly shorter, I received my new “and improved” 4inch soft intact packer with amazeballs!

I can feel that material in the sack is stronger and way less likely to tear or bust. Still with awesome floating 3D testicles. It’s been a few weeks but I am already confident and me and my new packer are already inseparable. 

But wait ….. THERE’S MORE !!!!

You can now purchase the awesome body and prosthetics safe soap that is used so GenderCatโ„ข headquarters.

Also prosthetics with the fascination sleeve add on now come with a nifty sleeve insert so you can now adjust the depth of your fascination sleeve or opt out of engaging the sleeve altogether at your leisure.

Once again they are improving the trademark self adhesive sheets we have all grown to adore. Now made with stronger adhesive and easy peel backing. 

“Every time with this company. It’s a swing away and a home-run. I only wish I knew about it sooner”

GenderCat website is now more user friendly head on over and check them out.

Should I move back?

Yea never thought I would be considering this and to be honest I’m not even sure if that’s what I’m really considering.

But yet here I am blogging about it so it must be some kinda subconscious problem. So yup, part of me wants to move back to NYC because it’s familiar for one and living there for almost a year I had built bonds with people and established friendship and daily interactions that I really miss. Then of course with Mardi Gras just passing I am becoming increasingly homesick again. And with nothing of really importance keeping me in my current village my brain is telling me; “Well, why the fuck not? *shrug* ” For no other real reason besides that being  HOME 

All of this stems basically from feeling really isolated and alone. Imagine moving into a dorm but not having a roommate. Going to a 2hr class in the same building 5 days a week. Going off campus once a month and that’s only to get food for your ferret. 95% of all social interaction is through a cell phone. Not to mention running out of bud at least 3 times a month. 

Welcome to my life.”


But it’s not all bad. I’ve managed to secure 2 things in adult life that I hate having to deal with. A place of employment & a place of residence. Neither has very taxing upkeep and both are relatively comfortable considering. And that’s basically why I have been stationary. Somewhat just going with the flow for right now.

Partially because that’s easier than stressing about something that’s not even really a problem yet. Mainly because I dread making decision and hate making bad ones.

Of course I could always pack up everything and move to Cali like I did when I basically backpacked to NYC…

Adulting is hard ๐Ÿ™„

Social anxiety/trust issues + Personal Relationships = ???

Excellent question..

To this very day still solving this equation. Here’s what I’ve found so far.

My social aniexty and my distrust in people go hand in hand. My trust issues cause out of place and what some would call outrageous thinking especially in social interactions and relationships. My thought process on how to deal with and understand other people and how they interact was skewed a long time ago.

…like a glass plate once it’s broken, even if you gather all the peices; it will never be the same.

It is a daily struggle and an ongoing battle for me personally but I have learned that not everyone is out to get me. For the most part. I still think unrealistic pessimistic outcomes in certain social interactions. But not as much as I have in the past.

One of my coping methods that seem to be working is thinking, “What’s the worst that could happen?”. It sounds like thinking like that would actually increase my aniexty. On the contrary it helps. I am an over-thinker, can’t really change that and working on the way I think is still being, well; worked on. So no matter how outrageous and non-likely whatever crazy outcomes my aniexty cause me to come up with I let them play out in my head.

Most of the time these thoughts are so farfetched I end up laughing at myself and realizing how ridiculous I am. Some more realistic thoughts however do require some soul searching. For example: a lot of times I find myself stressing about what people’s intentions are with me. So I map out exactly what’s the worst that could happen if they are in fact out to hurt me in some way. I pretty confident in my ability to protect myself both physical and mentally. So instead of just wondering I prepare. 

The downside to this is it takes a lot of brain power to manifest these thoughts without hurling myself into some kind of depression. I would compare it someone being scared of a rollercoaster. They watching rare videos of people in rollercoaster accidents. Then look up exactly how rollercoasters work, how to spot defects and faults on the tracks; fully understanding the end and outs of the coaster and mapping out all the possibilities that could actually happen should they decided to get on that ride.

“Now that I’m actually writing this… You know what, this will probably only work for my weirdness.”

So technically I’m still working on the answer to the equations above…. 

My BALLS busted…***GENDERCAT AMAZEBALLS DISASTER

At 6 am….

In my bed…

Thank goodness this happened inside and not at my job or on public transportation ๐Ÿ™„

It held up for quite a while considering that it was one of the first beta products. GenderCat is improving their products everyday and now AMAZING BALLS are made with stronger silicone with the same great 3D floating testicles.

Even with the tester product I held up substantially well considering that it was my go-to , everyday packer.

I can’t wait for my new Amazeballs packer !!!

I’ll be sure to do another review once I get it ๐Ÿ˜Š

Order yours today at GenderCat.com

First 6 months in my new apartment

Well well, never thought I’d get this far…

Let’s just say I’m like an adult cat , I can probably take care of myself but someone should be around.

This is the first time that I have lived alone for longer than two weeks in almost in a decade. I usually end up with a roommate or a partner. Yes I am aware I have dependency issues. Anywho, I am remarkable proud of myself for holding my own for this long without adult supervision.

Especially losing my job so suddenly back in late December. With less than $500 in savings I was pretty worried. I don’t normally live above my means anyways. But I did manage to let somethings go that weren’t necessities, like Netflix & my Xbox Game Pass. I work weird hours now so I don’t really have time for all that anyways.

Slipping into a slight depressive state for a  few weeks the end of January; jet lag from all the mistakes I made in 2017 most likely. I kept my mind and my apartment clean so and I’m doing much better.

Still have yet to seek out a physician to get back into therapy. But I’m still recovering from having to go through 3 different doctors in a year. My anxiety isn’t exactly telling me it’s a priority.

I’ve even used the open floor plan of my place to my advantage in my healthy living goals. I’ve been able to do more advanced at home work outs and even do a little yoga once in a while.

Over all I am very proud of myself ๐Ÿ˜Š

“Wonder if you are too…”

Figuring out you have a manipulative partner/friend.

Something that we don’t talk about enough in the transgender community. Men & Women. Let’s be honest; too often we are seen as fetishes, trophy or the “trans friend” everyone is so proud to have. It results in wasted time, broken hearts and unfortunately for some of my sisters a lost of a life. Most of these issues stem from a partner/friend not truly being comfortable with themselves. So they manipulate the situation and perception of it.

The biggest and most dangerous manipulative situation for alot of us is a partner whom is not yet comfortable with themselves trying to reflect that paradigm on their transgender partner. This is detrimental to our mental health and to some who fall into situations with those who would rather take a life than admit attraction to someone who is transgender; is down right deadly.

“Being trans and pursuing a relationship or a friendship is hard.”

Taking being transgender out of the equation (I know not all of my readers are trans) having a partner or friend who is manipulative is sooooo stressful. Manipulate individuals use words and actions to cause others to react the way they want them to. Often times we don’t even realize we are getting manipulated. 

Statements like:

  • “All I want know..”
  • “But it really isn’t my fault..”
  • “You shouldn’t feel that way..”
  • “Well remember when you..”

Are basically avoiding the actual situation being discussed, redistributing fault, and forcing feelings and paradigms on another; usually the one that initiated the conversation. It may seem like the person is listening and understand but subtle words & phrases, such as the ones just started; usually proves otherwise.

Everyone is guilty of this to some extent, myself included. It is not always done maliciously but it can differently take a toll if done repeatedly. Especially if it’s brought up to be received as manipulation or several occasions and it is continued.

As you let someone in and they begin to understand what exactly makes you tock they are also learning what makes you tickets. How to push your buttons. Most of the time these triggers are learned subconsciously and shouldn’t be a problem. You should care for a person through the good, the bad & the ugly. 

It’s when individual take this acquired knowledge and use it to force you in to emotions or actions to benefit them that it becomes manipulation. Everyone, literally everyone does this! *To some extent.

Parents use it to get their children to behave. Companies do it to their employees to get to work diligently. Countries do it to get their citizens to comply. It’s not always malicious, it’s not always negative. But when it’s don’t repeatedly it alters the relationship and communication between whatever parties are involved.

So then how do you know when your friend/partner is actually being manipulative or just being human?

Ahhh, that is the part where it gets complicated and begins to be in a grey area. My personal opinion is to voice how you feeling, should you start feeling manipulated. It will be the person’s reaction and response that will give you all the signs you need to know. Also take into consideration how often you use words and actions to manipulate others and definitely towards your partner/friend that you are having the discussion with.

Understanding is key. Remorsefulness is the deciding factor (for me). 

Sometimes it’s a learned trait, adefense mechanism acquired through life and sometimes it’s just a bad habit picked up.

It takes someone who is truely comfortable with themselves to admit “I am being manipulative in our realtionship and I apologise”

How sugarcoated or how blunt you wish to confront said individual is entirely up to you. However, I can say from experience that sooner rather than later is usually best. No one likes to be manipulated into doing/feeling anything. Holding it in can make the initial conversation hard.  

My advice to anyone would be: First try to understand where the person is at in life and what is causes these actions. Then decide if you want to receive those actions as malacious or just plain old human nature. Lastly have a talk with them and voice how you feel and what you would like to be changed. Most importantly understand that no one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes & they way someone is feeling is never for you to decide if it’s right or wrong. 

 A feeling or emotion is exactly that.

 I hope this blog has helped a least one person begin to understand and figure out which side of a manipulative situation they are on and take the means to correct it. ๐Ÿค—

Thanks for reading!

Dating as A Transgender

Many people have talked about this subject, and I have decided to hop on the band wagon. Ha ha. No seriously. A lot of people miss the actual important difference when dating someone who is transgender vs dating someone who isnt.

Of course the main difference is simply just the word transgender. Notice I say the word instead of actually “being transgender”. Because like most transgender individuals; we realize that it really boils down to that one word. 

Looking at it this way. A transgender male such as my self; either dating a woman who is transgender or a woman who is not transgender. Simply for example, I may have a preference but I do not discriminate.

Now dating someone who is also transgender means I don’t really have to explain in detail what it means to transition and whatnot because my partner has also experienced some type of transition. 

Of course I know that mtf / ftm are also very different transitional experiences but just grabbing the complete concept of transition from one gender to another is difficult without first hand experience.

Also friends and family are already aware; regardless of personal stance, with the term transgender and you don’t get bombarded with the typical “seeing a transgender up close for the first time” questions like:

  • So what was your name
  • Did you have the surgery
  • Do you have before pictures
  • So how do y’all have sex


Yes, I am very aware that you may still receive questions like this from family and friends of your partner. But usually they have already been briefed on what’s PC and what isn’t. Usually…

Vs dating a one gender woman’s whose family and friends MIGHT be familiar with what it means to be transgender. Even though media wise we aren’t shown in the best light all the time. I mean it is 2018. But apparently some people are still ignorant. Then not only do you risk being exposed to those stupid and sometimes triggering questions but you may face people in your partners circle that are more than just ignorant..  yes I’m talking about the transphobic.

Cause let’s face it. As a transperson most of us will not stand to be associated with someone who is transphobic for obvious reasons. But to a one gendered person those reasons and being associated with someone who is transphobic doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. But it would be a big deal to the partner of course.

Now do we see that this is a topic that doesn’t receive a lot of attention…. But really should…

 Again I am not showing favoritism. So like look at this from another angle. If yours truly is dating a one gender woman there is certain aspects of my body she would have more understanding, and I would have less explaining to do; as far as biology goes. Honestly pre/post/non operation status doesn’t matter; at one time both have share experience in the same sex body. (Hope I said that without offending anyone too much)

That is the only Pro I can’t personally vouch for… My apologies.

There’s always pro’s and cons to every relationship cis/one gender or trans; hetero or homosexual. But put the word “Trans” on something and people always go straight for the genitals; “How do you have sex?” A relationship period is more than just sex. Yup, sex with someone who is trans is definitely different, but sex with a little person would be different too. Let’s be a little more concerned with how people love instead of how they have sex.

Gendercat*** 3D Floating Testicles aka “Amazeballs” review

Well they’ve done it again over at GenderCat!!!

Of course we we’re all waiting for the STP to be released but floating 3D testicles ain’t half bad.

GenderCat also sometimes referred as GenderMender wowed it’s audience a few months back and released a pleasure / flesh light type of sleeve dual purposed for pleasure and pumping. Debuted publicly at the Vermont Translating Identity Conference. (Fascination Sleeve)

My promo code for a discount on fascination sleeves #ImanSleeve

So this new available add on to the already pretty neat prosthetics you can get at GenderCat still doesn’t cost you an arm and a leg. It doesn’t add an outrageous production wait time. It’s also available on just about any size, texture or color code.

I’ve had my Amazeballs for a little over a month. As always I am “fascinated” and “amazed” with my GenderCat product. I wanted to know more about packing with realistic testicles instead of the play perspective because there’s 24hrs in a day and personally currently I don’t spend not one of them having sex. However I do tend to sit on my ass alot. Ha ha.

The material inside is not a solid but some type of liquor so of course I was nervous because I didn’t want my nuts to bust, break my balls, etc; but after going on 2 month I am pretty sure they will hold up and withstand most.

” I haven’t been kicked in the balls yet “

I also decided to switch from an 6″ prosthetic to a 4″ intact prosthetic. Figured if the balls were different might as well step outside my comfort zone and try something else new.

(Yayyyy, now I get to do a review on the 4″ intact supersoft.)

I will save the jist of that review for a later day but I can say as a small frame guy I prefer 4″ supersoft in the winter.

Back to these amazing floating testicles.. not only does the skin on the sack rolls, pinches and moves naturally but there’s testicles floating around in there. I loved that the testicles were firm yet soft; completely life-like and natural. They even have gotten “lost” once or twice , moving from the lower natural spot at the bottom of my sack to being up close to my body and at the base of my penis.

They move and adjust like a biological scrotum and it’s so much more comfortable to wear especially in tight fitting boxer briefs. I notice without the add on of “Amazeballs” the sack seems whole and lacks the independent movement of each side of the sack. Causing more friction with movement which leads to adjustments and can cause the prosthetic to sit a unnatural way and be uncomfortable and even worse shift out of original placement.

“I still like the standard models, but who doesn’t like an upgrade…. Let’s face it balls are important.”

Again ๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒŸ for just about everything; from the product, to the company, to the customer service.

Check out GenderCat’s website here

Or check out some of my GenderCat YouTube reviews for other products like the 6″ Supersoft , Fascination Sleeve stand alone & helpful how to vids on the Self Adhesive Sheets

Don’t forget promo code (#IAmIman) for paid in full orders only !!!!!

Happy packing 

Underwear: GenderCat 
Socks: Hustlers
Photo cred: Kristian King