Dating as A Transgender

Many people have talked about this subject, and I have decided to hop on the band wagon. Ha ha. No seriously. A lot of people miss the actual important difference when dating someone who is transgender vs dating someone who isnt.

Of course the main difference is simply just the word transgender. Notice I say the word instead of actually “being transgender”. Because like most transgender individuals; we realize that it really boils down to that one word. 

Looking at it this way. A transgender male such as my self; either dating a woman who is transgender or a woman who is not transgender. Simply for example, I may have a preference but I do not discriminate.

Now dating someone who is also transgender means I don’t really have to explain in detail what it means to transition and whatnot because my partner has also experienced some type of transition. 

Of course I know that mtf / ftm are also very different transitional experiences but just grabbing the complete concept of transition from one gender to another is difficult without first hand experience.

Also friends and family are already aware; regardless of personal stance, with the term transgender and you don’t get bombarded with the typical “seeing a transgender up close for the first time” questions like:

  • So what was your name
  • Did you have the surgery
  • Do you have before pictures
  • So how do y’all have sex


Yes, I am very aware that you may still receive questions like this from family and friends of your partner. But usually they have already been briefed on what’s PC and what isn’t. Usually…

Vs dating a one gender woman’s whose family and friends MIGHT be familiar with what it means to be transgender. Even though media wise we aren’t shown in the best light all the time. I mean it is 2018. But apparently some people are still ignorant. Then not only do you risk being exposed to those stupid and sometimes triggering questions but you may face people in your partners circle that are more than just ignorant..  yes I’m talking about the transphobic.

Cause let’s face it. As a transperson most of us will not stand to be associated with someone who is transphobic for obvious reasons. But to a one gendered person those reasons and being associated with someone who is transphobic doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. But it would be a big deal to the partner of course.

Now do we see that this is a topic that doesn’t receive a lot of attention…. But really should…

 Again I am not showing favoritism. So like look at this from another angle. If yours truly is dating a one gender woman there is certain aspects of my body she would have more understanding, and I would have less explaining to do; as far as biology goes. Honestly pre/post/non operation status doesn’t matter; at one time both have share experience in the same sex body. (Hope I said that without offending anyone too much)

That is the only Pro I can’t personally vouch for… My apologies.

There’s always pro’s and cons to every relationship cis/one gender or trans; hetero or homosexual. But put the word “Trans” on something and people always go straight for the genitals; “How do you have sex?” A relationship period is more than just sex. Yup, sex with someone who is trans is definitely different, but sex with a little person would be different too. Let’s be a little more concerned with how people love instead of how they have sex.

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What’s Iman’s religious beliefs?

Sure,  for those who don’t know; let’s change that. 

So I was baptized and raised in a Catholic home. Went to Catholic School. Catholic Church. Bible study. First Communion. Catechism. The whole sha-bang. 

Even at a young age, 7ish ;I wasn’t really “sold” on the whole ideology of Christianity and Jesus Christ. So I began to question it, but only to myself. Up until about age 11 I still blessed my food, and said my prayers when instructed but other than that I just wasn’t with it.

After the devastation my family, my city and my self felt from the wrath of the the flood waters following hurricane Katrina; on top of losing my grandmother my faith in “God” was completely gone. After praying and praying that she would be found safe and alive then one day after school being told she was found dead in her home I started to hate “God” and just about everything Christianity stood for. I soon found it was easier to dismiss that “God” really exsisted instead of having so much hate toward someone I wasn’t even sure was real in the first place. 

Between ages 15-17 I had dismissed any religious beliefs that were taught to me but it wasn’t until about age 22 when I had the urge to seek out something to believe or have faith in. Around this time now being an adult I was free to explore different religions and soon found myself at a Muslim errr umm.. church (pretty sure that’s the wrong word, sorry) I didn’t agree with all of their views and eventually we hit an ice breaker. 

Any type of organized religion,.. religion, period isn’t really for me.”

So I decided to revisit an bootleg DVD a found at my mother’s house titled “The Secret” and gave the ideology of the law of attraction a second thought. So it was this time; around 2013 that I labeled myself a spiritual person instead of a religious one.
And so well that’s where I’ve been since. I don’t knock anyone’s religion. I just rather just chill.

You either are a good person or you aren’t, ya know; and I try to be a good person.”

So now everyone knows 😊.

Smoke and be happy

An official Affiliate !!!

Of Solidarity Soap Change Project πŸ’―πŸ˜ŽπŸ“’

If you’ve read some of my prior blogs you may have stumbled on a review I did on the awesome transpride candle I purchased from them. I was so excited that someone was not only making products that cater to the trans community but also actively gives back by donating a percentage of certain sales to pointofpride.

So of course what does Iman do…..

“Oo , oo ; I can help! I want to help! This is awesome! What you’re doing is awesome! I want to help!”

And sooner rather than later I was receiving an email stating that I had been accepted into the affiliate program πŸ™ŒπŸΎ. At first I was nervous because even though I am pretty active in the community with things such as this; but being “Official” was somewhat unnerving. Again Mr Steven was great and answered all my questions and concerned. Success! 

What better way to kick off the new year than an awesome giveaway with some amazing products! As per usual Iman is still tardy to the party… But not by as much as I normally am πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ #improvement 

Time frame to enter is today(started @9am , sorry) until Friday 1/12/2018 @9pm. Rules for entree are simple and you can find them on most of my social platforms, i.e. Instagram, Facebook etc. Or you can watch me mix up my words in this unedited YouTube video here:

 Or click some of these links to learn more 😊

https://www.instagram.com/iman.da.god
https://www.facebook.com/ImanKing
https://www.solidaritysoaps.com/?tap_a=28385-061d88&tap_s=208457-6a1a09
Promo code #IMANNFRIENDS

New DAY’s Resolutions

Yup, cause that’s just how often I’mma f*ck up this year. Not saying I’m planning to fail. Just being realistic; EVERY DAY of the “New Year” will be new and unfamiliar in some way & I’m definitely not perfect. So there’s gonna be times where I fail at life miserably.

But hey that’s why we make resolutions in the first place 

Here’s a short list of things I plan to take a swing at every day of 2018:

  1. Stop apologizing so much
  2. Quiting cigarettes
  3. Focusing on my goals
  4. Prioritizing myself
  5. Smell more flowers
  6. Healthy living habits
  7. Stop letting people mistreat me
  8. Stop letting people use me.
  9. Reach out to more POC
  10. Support black business

    That’s just a very, very small list. 

    But I’m not going to say, New Year; New Me. Rather: “New Year, Same Me, Better Decisions”. A lot of folxs go into a new year expecting for change to come overnight which is just about impossible. You have to first fix your behavior and then your personality will shift. Can’t expect to become a better person when you are not reprimanding your own actions & holding yourself accountable.

    Be Great Everyone

    -Iman

    Dear LGB , T , QAI , etc

    I fight back…

    And we all know my blogs are unfiltered and I will read you your rights.

    But apparently it would seem that my image had gone soft….

    Just because I don’t address everything doesn’t mean I don’t see it or I don’t feel some type of way about it. I practice a lot more self care now and have greatly reduced the amount of stress I put myself through on a daily basis.

    I still see the transphobia, the loss of unity within our community, the judgement, the shade, the hate, the comparison, I see it and it STILL makes me sick. I have just choosen to live more healthy lately.

    Oh but I still see you and ya bullshit.

    I don’t care who you are but I will not tolerate any negative energy, vibes or statements aimed at LGB , T or Q community and it’s individuals. With that being said emphasis on the “I don’t care who you are” ; meaning if you are part of any of the communities mentioned prior and think that because you are “part of the community” you are safe to say whatever hurtful, negative or triggering bullshit you want to those also in the community.

    BECAUSE I WILL CALL YO BITCH ASS OUT!

    ” Iman, what do you mean? “

    I mean exactly what the fuck I said. Cause apparently the last time I blogged about how we should protect and pick each other up in a calm reasonable manner no one listened so nowwwwwwww, now I gotta get ignant πŸ™„.
    Just because you are a transman don’t mean you can down talk other Tguys on how the choose to transition or what they decided to do with their bodies.

    Just because your gay/lesbian & one gender doesn’t mean you can question transgender people on why they “just didn’t stay gay/straight”

    Just because you’re GNC does not give you the right or reason to misgender and judge those who choose to transition. AND VERS VISE.

    Just because you are a heterosexual transgender individual doesn’t mean it’s ok to speak down or negatively on the trans folxs that identify as bi or pansexual.

    Just because you identify as a lesbian doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to misgender and invalidate transmen.

    Just because you identify as a gay male doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to misgender and invalidate transwomen.

    Transmen. It is NOT ok to disrespect transwomen.

    Transwomen. It is NOT ok to disrespect transmen.

    Just because your are a transwoman it doesn’t make it ok for you to judge other transwomen by the way they choose to transition or live their lives.

    Just because your transgender doesn’t mean you can misgender or judge individuals who identify as GNC or A gender.
    If you don’t know by now I don’t play with all this damn hate and judgement inside our own community walls. I can’t stress enough that we ALL have to face the negativity of cis heteronormative assholes…. Let’s not do this to each other.

    ” Get your shit together people ! “

    Social platform handles

    IG : iman.da.god

    Twitter rants: iman_da_god

    AMOSC: Selfmadekris

    Β Losing my job a week before Christmas…

    Hey readers, can’t say this blog will be any good news sorry…

    But yes I did lose my job a week before Christmas πŸ˜₯…

    The news totally came as a shock to me. I went through so many emotions in the matter of a few hours. My stress was at an all-time high and my confidence in myself was at a low it hadn’t seen in a while. 12 hours in I found myself still somewhat flabbergasted but had already began the stages of grief. 

    “It really hurts man. I thought I’d be making prosthetics forever.”

    It was hard copping with such a drastic and abrupt change in my everyday life; my way of living. Already having gone through several life altering events and having mental disorders I did what I could to fight off depression and not go down the ugly cold dark road. 

    My termination was not yet public knowledge but due to my line of work I had to somewhat explain to customers why I would no longer be able to help them. That was probably one of the worst things about being fired. 

    About 2 days in I found myself snapping back and on the job hunt again. It was still pretty tough getting out of bed and putting on clothes to go out into the world but it was even tougher looking myself in mirror and thinking about just giving up.

    ” I got fired. A week before Christmas. Through a text message. On my day off. ” , Now tell me that ain’t some shitty type of luck.

    As always though I had some amazing black girl magic to help me pick my self off the ground and keep on pushing. My moms, my sister & of course my girlfriend. My recovery time was way less than alot of the life changing events I had been through in the past. Considering it’s severity I would say it’s a new record. And I owe it all to my support system of women who love me unconditionally.

    So it’s only been a 2 days shy of a week since the whole ordeal and maybe it’s the holidays or just me mature and not being so angry all the time now but I am extremely optimistic about everything Iman.

    Thanks for reading.

    *Special thanks to all those who knew and reached out on more than one occasion to check on me, I really appreciated that πŸ’―

    ” Whose hiring ? “πŸ˜‚

    Letter to my exes…

    No , no don’t panic. This is not a petty blog..

    Dear Ex,

    What we had was special. At the time, I’m assuming; maybe not. That was then. This is me now. For whatever reason you didn’t make it to this chapter of my life; but that is neither here nor there now. I came to say that you taught me something. Wether it was a painful lesson or a bittersweet memory. No, you did not make me who I am today but you are forever part of my past. Something that can never be erased only learned from. However the promises I may have made, promises that I intended to keep; are no more. The past is the past for a reason. Irregardless to the facts and circumstances that lead you to becoming an Ex, I am grateful for all the learning experiences. And I am overjoyed to tell you that I am not the broken person you once knew… 

    -I am Iman

    I am a sensitive little b*tch..

    No seriously…

    Since I’ve transitioned and started living my truth I’ve allowed myself to really become in tune with my emotions and my feelings. Either that or I transformed into a sensitive little bitch πŸ™„πŸ˜‚

    Being that I honestly don’t give a shit about what anybody thinks and having self awareness. Yes, I am more sensitive since I’ve transitioned.

    It came on gradually after the initial breakdown my very first time in therapy but over time I noticed the shift little by little. I still have my dark humor but certain commercials or scenarios on TV had my eye all swelly and watery. And I don’t mean those deep ASPCA commercials with Sarah McLachlan singing in the background with close ups of helpless abused animals. But regular paper towel kid helps dad clean up mess , gives big hug and BOOM !; here come the water works. Then it got to the point where I would randomly think of a happy memory give a little chuckle and all of a sudden I have happy tears on my sleeve. When people tell me something that a normal person would just go “aww” and go about their day I’m clairvoyantly in a pile of empathetic borrowed emotions on the floor.

    Not once was I like “Men Don’t Cry.”

    But I applauded myself for letting my guards down and for once in my adult life truely allowing myself to feel. Feel everything. Not just happy and sad but a wide range of emotions.

    So eh, if I’m a sensitive little bitch so be it …

    90 days in Dryden.

    It seems like so much longer than that…

    Only because I’ve done so much since September. Several trips to NYC, a few trips to Philly, a road trip to Vermont & solemn return home. Conferences, marches, birthdays, funerals, vacations, just becauses. My travels over the last 3 months were strenuous, interesting, enjoyable and even heartbreaking.

    I’ve had ups and downs. Ha ha’s and oh shit’s. But still the end of 2017 was better than the beginning of it and for that I am totally grateful. 

    My 360 wave journey has been a rough one but as it should be I hate dealing with my hair. I wanted to get a little more in shape and bulk up a little but… holidays 🀦. In good news in these few months I’ve got to try something amazing products and I can’t wait to see what type of Christmas goodies I get.

    I didn’t think I would like this small village… Jury is still out, but I don’t hate it.

    Here’s to new beginnings πŸ’―πŸ’―

    The secret to my facial hair growth. v2.0

    I’VE DONE IT!!!!!

    I FOUND THE KEY TO GROWING FACIAL HAIR….

    Sorry if you don’t smoke marijuana.. this maybe out of your reach unless you have pothead friends🀘😎

    Yes. The key is weed.

    As we all should know, marijuana has several helpful uses. Treating diseases like cancer. Helping mental disorders like anxiety. Improving appetite and cognitive function.

    A Tbro of mine hipped me to the secret last year… I’m pretty gullible for old wives remedies and natural herbs for ailments. And of course it was always on hand with me 😎 especially at the time.

    “Weed ashes bro.”

    “Weed ashes bro?”

    And that’s how it all began….

    I originally started randomly ashing the blunt in my hand and rubbing on my chin. Didn’t really think too much of it and any new whiskers I came across I chalked it up to being remotely still somewhat in therapy. But as the months progressed and I again found myself weaned out of therapy the gains were still apparent, and still happening. So then I started to put more thought into.

    Fast forwarding to a few months ago when I moved into my apartment (by this time I am convinced the ashes do help stimulate hair growth), from the first blunt I smoked in my house to this very day I have been ashing my blunts,joints, bowls etc into a small container. I knew that I would eventually find a way to combine the ashes with other natural products in hope to create my own beard oil/cream.

    Almost to current time now..

    About 6 weeks ago I ran across a unique concoction of natural oils that help facial hair growth AND that also didn’t smell like ass. So of course now I have to figure out how I was going to mix the ash and the oils & how I planned to apply it to my face.

    4 weeks ago at the beginning of “No Shave November” I said fuck it and just went for it. At this point I have been out of therapy for just about 2 months. Also attended my Aunt’s funeral the first week of November so I was clean shaven to my normal stache and struggling goatee. 

    Soo with all of the variables going in to the month of November compared to the gains documented during December I believe it’s safe to say; “By George! I think he’s got it!”

    So with the confidence that I now I have in all this January will be my official documents of the gains from my “not officially named yet” beard oil. 😎

    Never too old to discover your hidden talent. That’s why its called “hidden” talent.

    -Iman