10 months of wearing a crown…

Yes I am back again to complain about my hair…๐Ÿ™„

Almost a year and it feels like I’ve been fighting with this hair for over a decade. It’s been over 6 weeks since I’ve had a valid set of braids and it’s been an experience to say the least. Fortunately for me I have had enough growth to wear a man bun for almost the last 2 and a half months. With the help of a blow dryer of course cause the skrinkage is all too real.
It is however with a heavy heart that I announce that I will be permanently retiring my man bun approaching my 26th birthday.
Ironically enough I will be indulging in a new hair journey “waves 2018”
Some what of a new feat for me but not completely. If you personally know me then you know I’ve had low Caesar with waves before. I never took the time to train or maintain my waves they just kind of happened, so now I’m curious to see what will happen with a little effort. Way more excited for the big chop x2 then I am for actually basically growing my hair out all over again but I do enjoy picking up new habit ; even tho I rarely finish things.
So stay tuned for a recap of this year’s hair journey & the next journey to come…

My life as a “Cute” grown ass man..

Some people have cute smiles. Some people have cute personalities. Some people have cute bodies. You can see where I’m going with this.

I have way too many cute attributes. Especially as society expects a grown man of color to be portrayed as.

Now before you think I’m sucking my own dick let me explain I am no way in any form bragging on my cuteness. Honestly the shits not all it’s cracked up to be after age 5.

Just to emphasize; I went through an ugly duckling phase. Weirdly enough I was an adorable little girl then matured into this awkward prepubescent and then evolved in to this adolescent social butterfly.

Between the ages of 5 – 9 I was adorable my dimple would always get my way and my thick eyebrows and hyperjetic facial expressions got me out of almost anything.

As a child I always heard “you are so cute ” “oh wow she is so adorable” I’d give a little fake smile yada yada.

Fast forwarding here cause we are getting off track ; Now at almost 26 years old this “cute thing” does more harm then good in soooo many different ways. Yes of course I’m going to explain.

It’s is so hard to look my age. A simply task, taken for granted; that so many of you do naturally. It’s the 8th wonder of the world for me. I struggle from what style clothes I should wear. The way I wear my hair. Even the way I walk into a business or establishment. It’s a bother it is. And it’s rooted in the basic fact that I have a cute face. When you hear cute facial features your brain doesn’t necessarily think “man” now does it. So put a cute face on a individual the size of a teenager most likely in a Pokรฉmon Tee plus the amount of facial hair (mainly peach fuzz) of a prepubescent male. You see a sweet innocent cute young man. In some instances I’ve gotten as young as 14 (Caucasian) an in the rare occasion besides when someone guesses my correct age I’ve only gotten as old as 24 on a good day. You know nice suit fresh shave pep in his step kinda days.

Damn this cute face.

Mistaken identity; believe it or not me being so often perceived as a cute little young boy I get mistaken as such like for real. I’ve gotten stopped for being “truant” at 11:30 on a school day. Getting carded while my young barely legal associates walk right on through. And yes even embarrassingly enough mistook for a son when I was a boyfriend. Issa boyfriend. More recently being hit on by girls that are barely half my age. That’s appalling and disturbing to say the least. Not to mention that 16 year olds are staring to look at attempt to act like grown women. But this hasn’t just happen. This has been going on for quite some time in my liddo ol life. Interesting story about my first age ain’t nothing but a number till ha ppl find out scare. But will save that for another day. Point is when you look young you like shift into a whole other age bracket. And that sucks when it’s like been there done that.

Not being taken seriously. One person has a pit bull as a watch dog , another person has a chihuahua as a watch dog. Which person to you think is getting robbed more ? Maybe an extreme analogy but stay with me. Because this cute attribute makes every day like stressful to some extent. Especially when a person like me is already wary of relationships with other humans. Nice guys finish last but cute guys never finished. When you suffer from a cute personality people often see you as docile calm and in no way aย  threat. And it’s not like a brightly color “oh that’s cute but that shit can fuck me up cause it’s probably poisonous”. Its like that kid that stalks a harmless butterfly because it’s “cute” and then squashes it because it’s in now way shape or form dangerous.

With that being said take into consideration that I am that cute little butterfly every day of my life.

 

 

So I ask you is being cute all that it’s cracked up to be

Follow your dreams

Peace my readers & hello to some strangers I’m assuming..

I’ve had quite bit of writer’s block due to the amount of new projects I’ve been taking on mixed with the changes of the current in the ocean of life. 

But I can muster up the intellectual ability to express the valid need to live your dreams. All to often people question my motive of being so careful and well travelled. “How can you just pick up and leave” , “It doesn’t scare you not knowing” , “I wish I had the courage like you”.  It saddens me a great deal crossing paths with people that I can see want to live their dream but are yet so afraid of failure they don’t even try .

Don’t get me wrong travelling and living life at the helm can be scary , nerve wrecking and even stressful at time but I stay course because knowing that should my heart stopped today I lived yesterday to my liking and standards.

Please don’t think that living your dream is also always about knowing where you are going and what your immediate step is cause I’m living proof is easy to get lost in the sauce.

Came to NYC to experience the bright lights and found myself lost in the system working for the man with nothing to show but a few selfies in my work uniform. I turned into something I despise the most and still convinced myself that I was following my dreams. 

Yes I am currently living in the big Apple. Queer & unapologetic. With strong grassroots from the south. BUT I was still working at a hypocritical company surviving paycheck to paycheck.

I lost touch with my talents. Lost touch with my skills. Lost touch with fans and even lost touch with the me I had just found after all these years.

So with that being said I have once , yes yet again ; decided to get back in the swing of going with the current of positive vibes instead of what’s fast and flashy. Far from saying I’m done traveling just figure this might be a little more serious than just a routine oil change. 

Till next week โœŒ
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