Failing at HRT, again x6 maybe 7..

πŸ™„πŸ™„

But this time it’s not totally my fault..

Ok, well maybe it is..πŸ€”

So as you know by now I have relocated to upstate NY which means I SHOULD switch my PCP to a new doctor and pharmacy in the area. And herein lies the problem; I had just found a doctor a liked. My original plan was to keep my same physician in the Bronx and just go once a month to refill my prescription and get blood work done. Then I started thinking, well that isn’t very smart. Which it still doesn’t seem to be. But I really rather not go through that aniexty of a new office, nurses and physician. So it may not be the smartest or cheapest way; but it is (what seems to be) the least stressful option.

Iman is a habitual procrastinator. Iman has problems making appointments. Iman has his priorities all mixed up..maybe..

So long story short I have yet to either switch to a new PCP or to see my old one and fill my prescription. So now am behind on my therapy…. Yet again. In my defense however; my stress & aniexty are still high from the move, new surrounds, new job, new everyday life. Not to mention working 6 days a week 50+ hrs & traveling every weekend, I have only had 1 or 2 chances to do either. We all know it takes me a few times to actually jump off the porch.

Lately I seem to have been doing better at adjusting and this should only be the only week I miss. Next weekend is self-care and I will be taking some down time to really recharge and relax. Life got overwhelming for a minute.

But I brought up this “fail” (again) at HRT because this time I do have a few changes to announce some good some bad. 

If you are up to date then you are aware that my dosage has changed again, this time amount and administration. Currently I am on .50 subcutaneous weekly injections in the fatty tissue of my belly.

So immediatly following the first week of the shot I experienced a 100% in my sex drive and overall physical stamina and endurance. Followed by a lost of appetite, which is weird because the actual amount of food I could consume in one sitting drastically increased.

Rounding my second weekly injections I starting experience “growing pains” in my muscles in my chest and upper back before I started my home work out routine.

After the first few days following my missed shot I started experiencing mood swings, a decrease in sex drive and an increase in appetite.

I don’t know exactly why third time in therapy it seems to be such drastic and apparent changes but I would like to assume that it’s because I switched from intramuscular to subcutaneous; I have absolutely no facts or proff of that, besides my gut feeling and know how my body normally reacts to therapy.

Hopefully this is the last missed shot and the last restart of HRT. With me, we can only hope for the best πŸ˜‚πŸ€ž

-Thanks for reading

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Fright Fest !!! πŸŽƒ First time in New Jersey

It’s the weekend so you know what means…

Iman is on the move, again.

So this weekend adventure is a two-fer. My first time in New Jersey and my first time at Fright Fest. So I left work about an early to catch my 4 hour bus ride to NYC (let’s hope for the best). And tomorrow morning I’ll be back on a bus heading to New Jersey for an entire day at Six flags Great Adventure theme park.

I haven’t been to a Six flags in easily over a decade and a half. I haven’t been on a rollercoaster in 2 years (counting the up and down thingy at the aquarium when I was in Houston). Let’s hope I don’t toss my cookies, pass out or shit my pants. Or go into cardiac arrest cause sometimes I forget how old I am πŸ˜‚.

Nervousness, aniexty, excitement are a few emotions I can currently pin point.. but then again I’ve been pretty scattered brain all day yesterday

πŸ€”I did have a latte instead of coffee this morning… I usually only have lattes on Sundays..

Guess I’ll see you guys on the other side 🀞

Best hair cut EVER !!!

And then I fucked it up…πŸ™„

So for the weekend of the Philly Trans March as you may or may not know did not go as planned. Among other things that went wrong I totally wrong I completely missed my non-english speaking barber in the Bronx. So I assumed the worse I would have to get a rush cut from some unknown barber some where in Philly.

But here comes the bro to save the day! I was able to get one of the best hair cuts of my adult life. Shout outs to “Marley, da barber”. Ever had a cut so good and so relaxing that you start falling alseep and wake up looking and feeling like a brand new man. Cheeeezus Crice! Ooweee ✊ He hooked up the jacked lining that I got from my no Bueno barber.
But….. Then I fucked it up.

So of course the madness an chaos continued throughout the weekend and well into the week. “How could I possibly make this trip any worse?”… Oh I know I’ll leave not only my durag but my hard brush and “ol reliable”
All I had was a new soft brush I had bought since it was my second official haircut. The Titan # keep me fresh all but 4 days. And not being able to protect my waves at night made me not want to brush at all..  

Which by day 7 I didn’t 😭

So what was a perfect opportunity for gains turned into the waste of a perfect cut. Again I am so disappointed in myself. But in my defense managing work, relationships, self care, money, & social image is an unfamiliar task.

I am now being proactive and will probably take the initiative to self manage my hair in between cuts. This most likely will include several different fails that I will regrettably upload to YouTube at a later date.

Iman’s Idea for this week:

Have extra brushes and back up durags or wave caps to avoid unexpected interruptions in training and maintenance.

Thanks for waving with me, stay wet.

Let’s talk RELATIONSHIPS *#What’sUpIman

Hey readers, welcome back; today we a pulling a question out of the #WHATSUPIMAN hat !

So the original question pulled was:

“Are you in a relationship/ Which gender(s) do you date?”

Yup, so some readers who know me personally already know the answer to this question but for those who don’t know.. ..

What’s up Iman !?!

A few years ago at the very beginning of my transition I began to internally question my sexuality since I myself had recently become “the grey area” ;so to speak. At the time I was married to a onegender woman. Which had already made unrelated comments about how she felt about transrelationships & transgender people being interested in the same sex. I had also assumed that I was going to be with that person for the rest of my life so I figure it didn’t really matter what gender I was attracted to, I was already married and off the market.

Yes at the time I was somewhat in denial or just didn’t want to face the fact that I had become curious in relationships not only out of the cisgender heteronormative spectrum but also outside of the homosexual normative (apparently). 

I was always “bicurious” but I quickly realized that being transgender that umbrella in itself didn’t quite fit in the rap sheet…

As my marriage came to an end I was free to explore my sexuality and then I came across the term “pansexual”. Of course I’m not big on labels, but being pansexual seemed about as labeless as I was going to find. Not long after my discovery I started completely living in my truth; not just a transman but a pansexual.

For those who don’t know the definition of pansexual in laymen’s terms: I am attracted to any and all human genders. Male, female, transfemale, transmale, GNC etc.

I am still growing and coming in to myself so there’s is much more to learn about my self and my attractions.

I am currently in a relationship with a transwoman, we have been dating for about 7 months now and I must admit this is the most understanding relationship I have been in since/regarding my transition. I personally find onegender women don’t really get me like transwomen. 

*****

My advice for “dating while trans” , is to first make sure you are comfortable enough with yourself before you try and date anyone regardless of gender. Dating and maintaining a relationship is hard enough. Adding mood swings, dysphoria, searching for validation, surgeries, etc will only add on to the stress of making even the easiest relationship work.

If you are not yet comfortable with yourself, your body or where you are at in your transition how can you expect to be comfortable enough to be with someone else?

If you have any further questions about my sexuality or ftm/mtf relationship feel free to ask & I’ll make sure to cover them in the next episode of #WhatsUpIman .

As always thanks for stopping by.

-Iman

Looking for products to promote (queer only)

Hey everyone, doing something a little different in my blogs today; hope it doesn’t throw anyone off too much.

So I am hopeful that all of my readers are aware of my YouTube channel, if not you can find my most recent video here:

I want to personally use my platforms to help other queer folk reach a bigger audience. So this is a call to all my fellow LGBTAIQ* entrepreneurs and business/company owners !!! 

I am looking to buy new products and do reviews (and shoutouts) for my social platforms ie Instagram, Facebook, YouTube etc.

You get publicity , I get nifty new toys to play with and something interesting to share with my viewers/readers. All the queers win !!!
These are some products I am looking for…

Natural hair / 360 waver haircare products

Custom made clothing (tshirts, hats etc)

Transgear
I am also looking for long term partnerships with talented queers such as.. 

Graphic designers

Music producers, singers, songwriters

Web designers

Animation producers
And I’m always looking for fellow YouTubers (especially outside of the USA) to give shouts to and maybe even collaborate. Never know untill you ask..

Hope to hear from you soon & as always thanks for stopping by.
All business inquiries please email me

Imandagod@gmail.com

First week of my NEW workout routine

Hey my fitness junkies & gym rats. Welcome.

My mission with this new work out routine is achieve my body goals in 6months no later than the summer of 2018.

Accompanying my *home routine workout is a not so strick healty diet but more importantly self-care. I’m not sure about any of you but nothing, especially nothing new is going to get accomplished in life if I’m not practicing self-care.

So for my first week I am eliminating red meat from my diet and focusing on my target area (Arms & Chest). Since I despise cardio I have instead decided to substitute by taking the stairs whenever possible. Office is on the 3 floor so it seems like an even enough trade off.

So my plan is for the first 3 weeks build my routine from the ground up and find what works for me and what doesn’t. Supposedly to be something like this:

Week 1: Arms & Chest
Week 2: Legs & Glutes
Week 3: Abs & Back

For week one my goal is to do 33 push ups a day, changing the type of push up daily hopefully to hit different muscle groups in that area i.e. close , open , triangle , wide , elevated etc. I choose 33 mainly because 15 is a comfort amount before the muscle group realizes it’s being worked. I can do about 23 in a row before the struggle. Also have to remember that I wanted to set a number realistically possible to reach EVERY day for 7 days IN A ROW. After crunching some numbers and deciding 33 was the easiest to remember and the most attractive number of my options. 20-40.

Honestly readers, I’m not sure how this is going to go; considering my track record πŸ€”. BUT things have been failing into place to maybe a physical fit body and a healthy diet will follow suit. Haven’t decided if I want to do weekly vlog wrap up the fails could make for good footage πŸ˜‚ 

Wish me luck !!!

Translating Identity Conference

The 15th annual Translating Identity Conference held at the University of Vermont in Burlington. 

This was my second one and I can honestly say even with my social aniexty I do enjoy these conferences. Being around trans, queers & allies in a safe environment is awesome. Again I was lucky enough to meet a bunch of awesome people and be introduced to cool organizations I were previously unaware of. 

I’m so excited to order from all these new companies and I can’t wait to show you guys demos on YouTube and write reviews here on my blog.

A special shout out to  http://www.gc2b.co for being an awesome company I hope to see you at another conference ! Make sure to check out their binders available in a variety of sizes in half and full styles and now come in nude/flesh colors !

Some of the products in line for reviews are a fairly new and a bit unorthodox binding* company called “Shapeshifters”. An awesome clothing an apparel company; “Inciting Defiance” featuring an awesome line of handmade graphic T shirts. You can also order custom pins, magnets, light switch covers, appreciation cards and so much more. “Rocket Erotic” offers a full array of sex toys including dildos, collars & chains, vibrators and harnesses; as well as several different books. 

There are so many other great companies, organizations and people there I apologise if I left anyone out. It’s already been a 12hr day and I have about 5hrs of travel time back to New York. I wanted to blog while everything was still relatively fresh in my mind. Ha ha… relatively.

Thank you to the University of Vermont for hosting the conference. Being knowledgeable and having gender neutral restrooms was excellent. 

Can’t wait till the next conference !

-Iman

Approaching 90days HRT

Hello readers, it’s been a few weeks since I gave y’all any update on HR therapy. 

Well I believe this go round I am currently approaching 90 days in hormone replacement therapy. This particular time in therapy I have decided to stick it out with injections and I must say at first it was unpleasant.

However I have switched from intramuscular injections in my thighs to subcutaneous injections in my belly. Much easier for me personally because the shorter needle gives me less aniexty and since it’s not as deep as intramuscular I don’t experience feeling a needle piercing my muscle.

So update on my dosage: I am now .50 weekly subcutaneous.

This will be my 3rd week doing subcutaneous self injections so I figure I would do a video showing how I do that and explaining a little bit more in depth on my feelings out looks and expectations this time in therapy

So the first 3 months this time in HRT is basically equivalent to the previous times minus I knew what to expect it just happened slightly more rapidly.

Also seems like either the more my body is introduced to hormones or just me being older this time around that I and completely getting better results from therapy. 

I am still experiencing some body fat shift in my chest, waist and glutes. Steadily increasing in over all body hair. And a beautiful surprise of new placed facial hair and darkening/thickening of hairs that have been with me from the very beginning. 

I haven’t had such an incredible in energy and stamina since my first time in therapy (’14-’15). But I love it. Feels like I have also gained in total strength I’ll know that for sure in my next trip to the gym.

My bottom growth has returned bringing my sex drive back with a vengeance. I really could do with out the random boners. I can’t say much for actual growth because I never lost what I gained and I have also took up pumping so I can’t really judge what’s from horomones and what’s from pumping.

I am excited to see how the change from intramuscular to subcutaneous will effect the progress of my therapy.

Thanks for dropping by !!

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Let’s talk, BABIES *whats up Iman

 

YES , I said babies πŸ‘Ά. Of course if you knew me a few years ago , hell my whole life actually up into the last couple months you most likely will take this as a joke. But I warn you this is not a drill.

I’m not sure if it’s the fact that I realized that I’m pushing thirty with no kids of my own, that I have finally become comfortable enough with myself as an adult to give it a try, or that I’ve realized that I can finally truly have a “baby momma”.

Ok so let’s get the dumb questions out of the way πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™‚οΈ. How is man going to have a baby ? Come on people we are in 2017. Google is a thing , use it. But I know sometimes people completely ignorant to queer/trans lifestyles some how find their way to my blog. So for my avid readers bear with me as I clear somethings up for the lost one-gendered people.

Of course being a transman it is still medically and physically possible for me to make a baby. Also being a transman it’s is medically and physically possible for me to carry said child.

Duh.

So let’s travel down memory lane for a second. I have raised children from babies to toddlers to adolescents; from teens to adults & yes even adults to older adults. In my younger years (beside just not liking kids) I put having biological kids out of my mind because, well; I’m the daddy. Meaning I’d rather not procreate with another masculine person.

Now that the black and white area has become grey and I’ve taken more than just a stroll on the queer side I’ve found that having biological kids with a feminine person is not as far fetched as it seems for a guy like me.

So with all that on the table I have made the conscious decision to procreate with another transgender individual. Of course that means I will have to carry the baby myself. Not saying it’s gonna be the best time of my life but you play the cards you’re dealt. This allows me to have a biological child with a feminine person.

Yea I’m talking bout that trans on trans love y’all ❀️. Ha ha.

Now of course this is still somewhat new to society and I am very much prepared for everyone’s opinions (wether I asked for them or not). Backlash from not only the cis-hetero-normative community & the LGB community but also from my own trans community. But we all know Kris gives no fucks. 🀣

To some degree the idea of coparenting still makes me uneasy because of my Virgo characteristics. Knowing that in some instances I will have to compromise on the way I want to raise my child because it will be OUR child (to some luck woman).

But I’ve seen so many baby momma/baby daddy issues it’s more or less in the back of my mind. As long as you coparent with someone you have a strong line of communication with you can get through anything as a family.

So then biggest worry I have with this whole coparenting idea is how it will affect my child. 2 homes. 2 sets of parents. 2 lives. πŸ˜” However I am given hope because I first hand saw how it will affect the child well into adulthood.

So the biggest challenge now would be to find a woman that is willing to procreate and coparent with me😩. I’m not that bad of a guy but then again I ain’t exactly what some would call a “catch”. There is someone for everyone. Or at least what the old folks used to tell the ugly kids growing up.

So in closing; I am now taking applications for baby mother. Inquire within. πŸ˜‚

Happy hunting !

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Snapchat: Selfmadekris

Living with bipolar depression and anxiety.

 

Or should I say “battling” πŸ€”

Either way I have been “struggling” with this mental disorder as a child. Yes as a child πŸ˜”. Sadly this has been an ongoing battle for as long as I can remember.

It makes life difficult but not impossible…

Let me take you back as far as I can remember;

I was around 5 years old. I had recently been told I was adopted by my mother. As a bright kid I understood what that meant but also as a care free child it didn’t make much sense. I only knew one parent. My mom was my mother irregardless to anything.
Going through court appearances & learning to spell my new name was trying but it didn’t affect me that much (or so I thought).
After i turned 8 I became what was; at the time, “a rebellious child”. My mother started receiving phone calls from the school, I was misbehaving at home & just seemed to always be the one that “did it”… But to me I was just a kid.
So my mom did what most parents did for an over active hyper child in the 90s πŸ™„ took me to a therapist.
And just like that boom πŸ’₯ I was diagnosed with ADHD and depression. I didn’t grasp what that was at all. I knew in the mornings I had to take a pill and at lunch everyday at school I had to take my medicine.
I can’t recall feeling all that different on the antidepressants. But the meds for my attention disorder well they did a number on me. Mostly for the better because I was physically able to keep still with out feeling like I was going to explode. So I guess the did they job.
Skipping a few years into the future I’m approaching my 11 birthday and my favorite phrase and answer for everything was ” I don’t care” at first it was shrugged off my mother. However by Christmas my response to what do I want from was still “I don’t care”. Looking back at in now what i thought was just a phase was a sign to deeper mental problems that would reveal themselves later on in life. Because when the rebuttal to my phrase was “Well what do you care about?” I really didn’t have an honest answer.
So that went on for more than a year. That was my first time dealing with my depression; not knowing exactly what it was at the time. Then the following 2 years were extremely difficult. Experienced my mother having a break down at the lost of her mother, the lost and abandonment I felt during hurricane Katrina and ultimately the lost of my grandmother weakened my strength ever more so. It was during this time that I could be honest with myself that I had a problem. But I down played it a chalked it up to PTSD & not having a loving environment. I had ups and down over the next decade or so.
Fast forwarding to 23 years old when I realized that my depression can in fact be cropping. It was in this 6-8th month breakdown I had 2 suicide attempts, constantly went missing for days & wouldn’t leave the house for months at a time. That was the first time I really reached out for help, professional help. Needless to say I could have used it 4-5 years sooner, but better late than never.
Can’t say this story has a happy fairy tale ending because to this day my life is a struggle dealing with the lack of capability to control my thoughts & emotions all the time and that’s putting it nicely.
I had another breakdown that almost wound me up in psychiatric hospital at the age of 25.

My mental disorders do not define me nor what I can accomplish in life. The do make up a part of who I am but it is not the biggest nor most important part of me.

I am Strong. I am Determined. I am Resilient.

Mental disorders like bipolar depression, PTSD, anxiety, schizophrenia etc are serious issues in our community. They aren’t talked about and even less likely treated or monitored.

So if you have a friend , family or know someone that suffers from these or any mental condition or disorder please let them know you are there for them; sometimes that’s all we need.

Thanks for listening..
-Kristian Iman