My life as a “Cute” grown ass man..

Some people have cute smiles. Some people have cute personalities. Some people have cute bodies. You can see where I’m going with this.

I have way too many cute attributes. Especially as society expects a grown man of color to be portrayed as.

Now before you think I’m sucking my own dick let me explain I am no way in any form bragging on my cuteness. Honestly the shits not all it’s cracked up to be after age 5.

Just to emphasize; I went through an ugly duckling phase. Weirdly enough I was an adorable little girl then matured into this awkward prepubescent and then evolved in to this adolescent social butterfly.

Between the ages of 5 – 9 I was adorable my dimple would always get my way and my thick eyebrows and hyperjetic facial expressions got me out of almost anything.

As a child I always heard “you are so cute ” “oh wow she is so adorable” I’d give a little fake smile yada yada.

Fast forwarding here cause we are getting off track ; Now at almost 26 years old this “cute thing” does more harm then good in soooo many different ways. Yes of course I’m going to explain.

It’s is so hard to look my age. A simply task, taken for granted; that so many of you do naturally. It’s the 8th wonder of the world for me. I struggle from what style clothes I should wear. The way I wear my hair. Even the way I walk into a business or establishment. It’s a bother it is. And it’s rooted in the basic fact that I have a cute face. When you hear cute facial features your brain doesn’t necessarily think “man” now does it. So put a cute face on a individual the size of a teenager most likely in a Pokémon Tee plus the amount of facial hair (mainly peach fuzz) of a prepubescent male. You see a sweet innocent cute young man. In some instances I’ve gotten as young as 14 (Caucasian) an in the rare occasion besides when someone guesses my correct age I’ve only gotten as old as 24 on a good day. You know nice suit fresh shave pep in his step kinda days.

Damn this cute face.

Mistaken identity; believe it or not me being so often perceived as a cute little young boy I get mistaken as such like for real. I’ve gotten stopped for being “truant” at 11:30 on a school day. Getting carded while my young barely legal associates walk right on through. And yes even embarrassingly enough mistook for a son when I was a boyfriend. Issa boyfriend. More recently being hit on by girls that are barely half my age. That’s appalling and disturbing to say the least. Not to mention that 16 year olds are staring to look at attempt to act like grown women. But this hasn’t just happen. This has been going on for quite some time in my liddo ol life. Interesting story about my first age ain’t nothing but a number till ha ppl find out scare. But will save that for another day. Point is when you look young you like shift into a whole other age bracket. And that sucks when it’s like been there done that.

Not being taken seriously. One person has a pit bull as a watch dog , another person has a chihuahua as a watch dog. Which person to you think is getting robbed more ? Maybe an extreme analogy but stay with me. Because this cute attribute makes every day like stressful to some extent. Especially when a person like me is already wary of relationships with other humans. Nice guys finish last but cute guys never finished. When you suffer from a cute personality people often see you as docile calm and in no way a  threat. And it’s not like a brightly color “oh that’s cute but that shit can fuck me up cause it’s probably poisonous”. Its like that kid that stalks a harmless butterfly because it’s “cute” and then squashes it because it’s in now way shape or form dangerous.

With that being said take into consideration that I am that cute little butterfly every day of my life.

 

 

So I ask you is being cute all that it’s cracked up to be

Empty promises

Well hello everyone. I’m gonna skip past the ‘my faults’ & ‘Ive been caught ups’ , Y’all know my ADHD be having me stretched too thin to blog all the time. Plus my life really isn’t that interesting so I don’t have much to blog about. I literally need a months worth of adventures to have an intriguing entry.

Anywhose…

Picking up where ever we left off 3/12 would have been my 3rd month consecutively in therapy but I could say less because if you are an avid reader then you know.
So technically this is my 12th week in therapy and my 9th week on hormones.

Long story short work schedule got crazy , cut loose on vacation , and I still don’t like needles. 

I’ll take a minute to point out that lately I have been asked what’s the side effects of going on and off hormones or skipping multiple doses. Personally I have never experienced any negative effects due to lack of doses. If I can remember correctly the main warning concerning dosage was not to take more than prescribed, which I’m pretty sure everyone knows that. Also I recall coming across articles , blogs & media about individuals having to pause or even stop taking hormones completely due to medical reasons and sometimes even surgeries. 
***Just a reminder majority of the changes your body experiences while on hormones are either permanent or can take years to revert depending on your body , the length of time on & your dosage amount.
SWATBS.,

After a nearly 3 week hiatus I found the courage to drag my black ass to my doctor…. Only to find that my primary doctor was no longer at that location.. fortunately I still had my same crew of nurses there. 

Not much had changed during the 3 weeks I went missing in actions. Not sure how it effected my beard growth because lately I’ve been solely working on a baby goatee. My attitude has been up and down anyways due to the stress of adulting. Felt a major shift in my appetite , going 2 days with out a hot meal not notice it & I lost about 7lbs.

Seemed to have a little drop in energy but still could achieve top ‘get up & go speeds’ if I get a good running start.

The most major change was my sex drive. After a week and a half with out the stuff my libido sky rocketed & I felt like the main character of a Zane book. Going in to the 3 weeks cold turkey it’s like my dick broke. I had no drive or desire what so ever.

Now my first 3 days back on my sex drive is through the roof so it’s safe to say that libido is the first prisoner to be pardoned by the warden.

Also decided to make another sad attempt to grow a beard. 7 days no shave and I have annoying stubble patches under my cheeks right below my jaw bone.
I feel a little under the weather so I can’t really report much on energy or stamina.
Y’all know I’m a man of few words. 
All of my media sites are under construction so stay tuned…