Social anxiety/trust issues + Personal Relationships = ???

Excellent question..

To this very day still solving this equation. Here’s what I’ve found so far.

My social aniexty and my distrust in people go hand in hand. My trust issues cause out of place and what some would call outrageous thinking especially in social interactions and relationships. My thought process on how to deal with and understand other people and how they interact was skewed a long time ago.

…like a glass plate once it’s broken, even if you gather all the peices; it will never be the same.

It is a daily struggle and an ongoing battle for me personally but I have learned that not everyone is out to get me. For the most part. I still think unrealistic pessimistic outcomes in certain social interactions. But not as much as I have in the past.

One of my coping methods that seem to be working is thinking, “What’s the worst that could happen?”. It sounds like thinking like that would actually increase my aniexty. On the contrary it helps. I am an over-thinker, can’t really change that and working on the way I think is still being, well; worked on. So no matter how outrageous and non-likely whatever crazy outcomes my aniexty cause me to come up with I let them play out in my head.

Most of the time these thoughts are so farfetched I end up laughing at myself and realizing how ridiculous I am. Some more realistic thoughts however do require some soul searching. For example: a lot of times I find myself stressing about what people’s intentions are with me. So I map out exactly what’s the worst that could happen if they are in fact out to hurt me in some way. I pretty confident in my ability to protect myself both physical and mentally. So instead of just wondering I prepare. 

The downside to this is it takes a lot of brain power to manifest these thoughts without hurling myself into some kind of depression. I would compare it someone being scared of a rollercoaster. They watching rare videos of people in rollercoaster accidents. Then look up exactly how rollercoasters work, how to spot defects and faults on the tracks; fully understanding the end and outs of the coaster and mapping out all the possibilities that could actually happen should they decided to get on that ride.

“Now that I’m actually writing this… You know what, this will probably only work for my weirdness.”

So technically I’m still working on the answer to the equations above…. 

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My BALLS busted…

At 6 am….

In my bed…

Thank goodness this happened inside and not at my job or on public transportation πŸ™„

It held up for quite a while considering that it was one of the first beta products. GenderCat is improving their products everyday and now AMAZING BALLS are made with stronger silicone with the same great 3D floating testicles.

Even with the tester product I held up substantially well considering that it was my go-to , everyday packer.

I can’t wait for my new Amazeballs packer !!!

I’ll be sure to do another review once I get it 😊

Order yours today at GenderCat.com

First 6 months in my new apartment

Well well, never thought I’d get this far…

Let’s just say I’m like an adult cat , I can probably take care of myself but someone should be around.

This is the first time that I have lived alone for longer than two weeks in almost in a decade. I usually end up with a roommate or a partner. Yes I am aware I have dependency issues. Anywho, I am remarkable proud of myself for holding my own for this long without adult supervision.

Especially losing my job so suddenly back in late December. With less than $500 in savings I was pretty worried. I don’t normally live above my means anyways. But I did manage to let somethings go that weren’t necessities, like Netflix & my Xbox Game Pass. I work weird hours now so I don’t really have time for all that anyways.

Slipping into a slight depressive state for a  few weeks the end of January; jet lag from all the mistakes I made in 2017 most likely. I kept my mind and my apartment clean so and I’m doing much better.

Still have yet to seek out a physician to get back into therapy. But I’m still recovering from having to go through 3 different doctors in a year. My anxiety isn’t exactly telling me it’s a priority.

I’ve even used the open floor plan of my place to my advantage in my healthy living goals. I’ve been able to do more advanced at home work outs and even do a little yoga once in a while.

Over all I am very proud of myself 😊

“Wonder if you are too…”

2 month wolfΒ 

πŸ™„πŸΊ…

Hey wavers, I know I’ve quiet about my waves for a minute now. πŸ€”

I’ve been wolfing to the max. If you read and recall last time I chemically burned my scalp, intensely damaged my hair and almost completely annihilated my wave pattern. What made the recovery even more difficult I had to go to an unknown barber who scalped my crown and on top of that a misplaced brushes and rags.

Some how I stuck to my guns almost the entire wolf, up until the last 2 of the 8 weeks. My corse hair of course, loves to curl up and be pretty rebellious after reaching a certain length. We all know I have zero to no type of patience when it comes to my hair not cooperating. So I basically stopped brushing my hair for a week. Amazing how you don’t notice when you always have a rag on.

This extra long wolf session was not planned or really wanted , but being optimistic about it all. I’ve never wolfed for more than 4-5 weeks. Also really got some good comb sessions in before everything went to complete shits. So I’m extremely curious to see what’s underneath and what does my wave pattern look like now. Plus the best part is I get a fresh cut. 

This time I will be going to a different baber (again) , fingers crossed I get a cut that I am pleased with. Especially since I’m going super low to a 1wtg no taper. Going low so I can really stick to the gains I got from this winter wolf. Even though I can’t see them, I know they’re there. Skipping the bald taper this time because I want to build my waves on the outer edges of my hair. During this wolf I found out that my edges get wavey too. So of course, let’s make this journey more complicated than it already is.

Be on the look out for my next Wavey YouTube video feature a spoiler alert for this coming spring!!!😎

Thanks for stopping by 

Gendercat*** 3D Floating Testicles aka “Amazeballs” review

Well they’ve done it again over at GenderCat!!!

Of course we we’re all waiting for the STP to be released but floating 3D testicles ain’t half bad.

GenderCat also sometimes referred as GenderMender wowed it’s audience a few months back and released a pleasure / flesh light type of sleeve dual purposed for pleasure and pumping. Debuted publicly at the Vermont Translating Identity Conference. (Fascination Sleeve)

My promo code for a discount on fascination sleeves #ImanSleeve

So this new available add on to the already pretty neat prosthetics you can get at GenderCat still doesn’t cost you an arm and a leg. It doesn’t add an outrageous production wait time. It’s also available on just about any size, texture or color code.

I’ve had my Amazeballs for a little over a month. As always I am “fascinated” and “amazed” with my GenderCat product. I wanted to know more about packing with realistic testicles instead of the play perspective because there’s 24hrs in a day and personally currently I don’t spend not one of them having sex. However I do tend to sit on my ass alot. Ha ha.

The material inside is not a solid but some type of liquor so of course I was nervous because I didn’t want my nuts to bust, break my balls, etc; but after going on 2 month I am pretty sure they will hold up and withstand most.

” I haven’t been kicked in the balls yet “

I also decided to switch from an 6″ prosthetic to a 4″ intact prosthetic. Figured if the balls were different might as well step outside my comfort zone and try something else new.

(Yayyyy, now I get to do a review on the 4″ intact supersoft.)

I will save the jist of that review for a later day but I can say as a small frame guy I prefer 4″ supersoft in the winter.

Back to these amazing floating testicles.. not only does the skin on the sack rolls, pinches and moves naturally but there’s testicles floating around in there. I loved that the testicles were firm yet soft; completely life-like and natural. They even have gotten “lost” once or twice , moving from the lower natural spot at the bottom of my sack to being up close to my body and at the base of my penis.

They move and adjust like a biological scrotum and it’s so much more comfortable to wear especially in tight fitting boxer briefs. I notice without the add on of “Amazeballs” the sack seems whole and lacks the independent movement of each side of the sack. Causing more friction with movement which leads to adjustments and can cause the prosthetic to sit a unnatural way and be uncomfortable and even worse shift out of original placement.

“I still like the standard models, but who doesn’t like an upgrade…. Let’s face it balls are important.”

Again 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 for just about everything; from the product, to the company, to the customer service.

Check out GenderCat’s website here

Or check out some of my GenderCat YouTube reviews for other products like the 6″ Supersoft , Fascination Sleeve stand alone & helpful how to vids on the Self Adhesive Sheets

Don’t forget promo code (#IAmIman) for paid in full orders only !!!!!

Happy packing 

Underwear: GenderCat 
Socks: Hustlers
Photo cred: Kristian King

An official Affiliate !!!

Of Solidarity Soap Change Project πŸ’―πŸ˜ŽπŸ“’

If you’ve read some of my prior blogs you may have stumbled on a review I did on the awesome transpride candle I purchased from them. I was so excited that someone was not only making products that cater to the trans community but also actively gives back by donating a percentage of certain sales to pointofpride.

So of course what does Iman do…..

“Oo , oo ; I can help! I want to help! This is awesome! What you’re doing is awesome! I want to help!”

And sooner rather than later I was receiving an email stating that I had been accepted into the affiliate program πŸ™ŒπŸΎ. At first I was nervous because even though I am pretty active in the community with things such as this; but being “Official” was somewhat unnerving. Again Mr Steven was great and answered all my questions and concerned. Success! 

What better way to kick off the new year than an awesome giveaway with some amazing products! As per usual Iman is still tardy to the party… But not by as much as I normally am πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ #improvement 

Time frame to enter is today(started @9am , sorry) until Friday 1/12/2018 @9pm. Rules for entree are simple and you can find them on most of my social platforms, i.e. Instagram, Facebook etc. Or you can watch me mix up my words in this unedited YouTube video here:

 Or click some of these links to learn more 😊

https://www.instagram.com/iman.da.god
https://www.facebook.com/ImanKing
https://www.solidaritysoaps.com/?tap_a=28385-061d88&tap_s=208457-6a1a09
Promo code #IMANNFRIENDS

New DAY’s Resolutions

Yup, cause that’s just how often I’mma f*ck up this year. Not saying I’m planning to fail. Just being realistic; EVERY DAY of the “New Year” will be new and unfamiliar in some way & I’m definitely not perfect. So there’s gonna be times where I fail at life miserably.

But hey that’s why we make resolutions in the first place 

Here’s a short list of things I plan to take a swing at every day of 2018:

  1. Stop apologizing so much
  2. Quiting cigarettes
  3. Focusing on my goals
  4. Prioritizing myself
  5. Smell more flowers
  6. Healthy living habits
  7. Stop letting people mistreat me
  8. Stop letting people use me.
  9. Reach out to more POC
  10. Support black business

    That’s just a very, very small list. 

    But I’m not going to say, New Year; New Me. Rather: “New Year, Same Me, Better Decisions”. A lot of folxs go into a new year expecting for change to come overnight which is just about impossible. You have to first fix your behavior and then your personality will shift. Can’t expect to become a better person when you are not reprimanding your own actions & holding yourself accountable.

    Be Great Everyone

    -Iman

    Β Losing my job a week before Christmas…

    Hey readers, can’t say this blog will be any good news sorry…

    But yes I did lose my job a week before Christmas πŸ˜₯…

    The news totally came as a shock to me. I went through so many emotions in the matter of a few hours. My stress was at an all-time high and my confidence in myself was at a low it hadn’t seen in a while. 12 hours in I found myself still somewhat flabbergasted but had already began the stages of grief. 

    “It really hurts man. I thought I’d be making prosthetics forever.”

    It was hard copping with such a drastic and abrupt change in my everyday life; my way of living. Already having gone through several life altering events and having mental disorders I did what I could to fight off depression and not go down the ugly cold dark road. 

    My termination was not yet public knowledge but due to my line of work I had to somewhat explain to customers why I would no longer be able to help them. That was probably one of the worst things about being fired. 

    About 2 days in I found myself snapping back and on the job hunt again. It was still pretty tough getting out of bed and putting on clothes to go out into the world but it was even tougher looking myself in mirror and thinking about just giving up.

    ” I got fired. A week before Christmas. Through a text message. On my day off. ” , Now tell me that ain’t some shitty type of luck.

    As always though I had some amazing black girl magic to help me pick my self off the ground and keep on pushing. My moms, my sister & of course my girlfriend. My recovery time was way less than alot of the life changing events I had been through in the past. Considering it’s severity I would say it’s a new record. And I owe it all to my support system of women who love me unconditionally.

    So it’s only been a 2 days shy of a week since the whole ordeal and maybe it’s the holidays or just me mature and not being so angry all the time now but I am extremely optimistic about everything Iman.

    Thanks for reading.

    *Special thanks to all those who knew and reached out on more than one occasion to check on me, I really appreciated that πŸ’―

    ” Whose hiring ? “πŸ˜‚

    Letter to my exes…

    No , no don’t panic. This is not a petty blog..

    Dear Ex,

    What we had was special. At the time, I’m assuming; maybe not. That was then. This is me now. For whatever reason you didn’t make it to this chapter of my life; but that is neither here nor there now. I came to say that you taught me something. Wether it was a painful lesson or a bittersweet memory. No, you did not make me who I am today but you are forever part of my past. Something that can never be erased only learned from. However the promises I may have made, promises that I intended to keep; are no more. The past is the past for a reason. Irregardless to the facts and circumstances that lead you to becoming an Ex, I am grateful for all the learning experiences. And I am overjoyed to tell you that I am not the broken person you once knew… 

    -I am Iman

    I am a sensitive little b*tch..

    No seriously…

    Since I’ve transitioned and started living my truth I’ve allowed myself to really become in tune with my emotions and my feelings. Either that or I transformed into a sensitive little bitch πŸ™„πŸ˜‚

    Being that I honestly don’t give a shit about what anybody thinks and having self awareness. Yes, I am more sensitive since I’ve transitioned.

    It came on gradually after the initial breakdown my very first time in therapy but over time I noticed the shift little by little. I still have my dark humor but certain commercials or scenarios on TV had my eye all swelly and watery. And I don’t mean those deep ASPCA commercials with Sarah McLachlan singing in the background with close ups of helpless abused animals. But regular paper towel kid helps dad clean up mess , gives big hug and BOOM !; here come the water works. Then it got to the point where I would randomly think of a happy memory give a little chuckle and all of a sudden I have happy tears on my sleeve. When people tell me something that a normal person would just go “aww” and go about their day I’m clairvoyantly in a pile of empathetic borrowed emotions on the floor.

    Not once was I like “Men Don’t Cry.”

    But I applauded myself for letting my guards down and for once in my adult life truely allowing myself to feel. Feel everything. Not just happy and sad but a wide range of emotions.

    So eh, if I’m a sensitive little bitch so be it …