Follow your dreams

Peace my readers & hello to some strangers I’m assuming..

I’ve had quite bit of writer’s block due to the amount of new projects I’ve been taking on mixed with the changes of the current in the ocean of life. 

But I can muster up the intellectual ability to express the valid need to live your dreams. All to often people question my motive of being so careful and well travelled. “How can you just pick up and leave” , “It doesn’t scare you not knowing” , “I wish I had the courage like you”.  It saddens me a great deal crossing paths with people that I can see want to live their dream but are yet so afraid of failure they don’t even try .

Don’t get me wrong travelling and living life at the helm can be scary , nerve wrecking and even stressful at time but I stay course because knowing that should my heart stopped today I lived yesterday to my liking and standards.

Please don’t think that living your dream is also always about knowing where you are going and what your immediate step is cause I’m living proof is easy to get lost in the sauce.

Came to NYC to experience the bright lights and found myself lost in the system working for the man with nothing to show but a few selfies in my work uniform. I turned into something I despise the most and still convinced myself that I was following my dreams. 

Yes I am currently living in the big Apple. Queer & unapologetic. With strong grassroots from the south. BUT I was still working at a hypocritical company surviving paycheck to paycheck.

I lost touch with my talents. Lost touch with my skills. Lost touch with fans and even lost touch with the me I had just found after all these years.

So with that being said I have once , yes yet again ; decided to get back in the swing of going with the current of positive vibes instead of what’s fast and flashy. Far from saying I’m done traveling just figure this might be a little more serious than just a routine oil change. 

Till next week ✌
πŸ†•πŸ†•πŸ†•πŸ†•πŸ†•

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The best is yet to come.,

So Ive been in this crazy new fast paced city for almost a month now & it has been an eye opener to say the least. I have learned sooo much about myself in these last 30 days. Things i thought I could never do on my own I’ve done. Things that bothered me that id never thought I’d have the confidence to speak up about I have. This has truely been a growth experience for me in every way possible; in every way imaginable. I cant really get into detail because its so much & I still cant quite put my finger on exactly what has happened or where the change and epiphany occured but stay tuned I should have it figured out before too long.

Just know if you have been following me since the beginning these blogs to come are from an entirely different man…

Well, well, well…

Peace & blessings readers. Again I apologize for my tardiness. Handling the culture shock, my recent separation & the struggles of starting over has been leaving me too drained to blog, vlog or anything else for that matter.Β  But I have made the decision to push through it all and keep fighting; which brings me here. Ha ha.

Sooooo where to start?…

Let’s start of with the level of cultural shock that I am experiencing from moving from the dirty south to the damn north pole. Weather. I am in total shock that my body has fought off developing any kind of cold. I did take the precaution and get a flu shot this winter. Yea yea I know I have no idea whats in the needle,Β  but shit I’m miserable enough with the freezing temperatures & disrespectful ass wind chills. I dont want to speak too soon but I believe my immune system is handling the cold better than my body and attitude. Have you ever cussed the wind out? Moved to New York , I swear you will several times a day.

As far as interpersonal cultural shock it is entirely waayyyy too crowded out here. From the streets to public transportation. Ugh, people. Took me a few days and a lot of deep breaths but I’m not as anxious as I was when i first arrive 2 weeks ago. Still trying to understanding the. “Lingo”. “Deadass” “lit” “tight” but I’m coming around with the help of my translator. The amount of police (ops) out here was unnerving at first but now i feel a little more safe I suppose. Witnessing the ignorance in New Orleans go from a gesture to a slur to a fight to a shoot out, and then in New York seeing it rarely escalate to more than a simple shrug and a walk away… Well, woooowwww, is all I can say.

On a personally level my anxiety and bipolar symptoms are at an all time high but it’s ok because its teaching me to have more self control and at the least selfawarenes of my feelings and emotions. In good progress in a few days I will be sitting in a doctor’s office in the Bronx getting poked and proded in order to begin therapy again. Im excited and nervous but happy more than anything.

Do I feel homesick?..
Eh, at times I feel homesick & sometimes I feel really homesick. Usually when I need a translator for a normal conversation or when I get lost on the subway or when I have the urge to hear the beat. Its usually only for a moment because all the bright lights and hustle and bussle of the big city is a huge distraction from missing my past.

On a more deeper personal level (not going into details) I have learned sooo much about myself as far as what I want, what I dont want & how much it usually doesn’t matter. Working on all of that and growing everyday is proving to be a challenging journey with no particular destination but nevertheless I journey that is welcomed with open arms & one that has been long overdue.

Well, thats all for now; hopefully my next blog entry will be a little more structured. But then again with a guy like me, you never know. Till next time everyone.
Namaste.

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Today I saw an angel…

 

πŸ‘Ό
She was beautiful,
She was kind.
And on her face,
Was a gentle smile.

I couldn’t help but notice,
I could barely control it.
Praying,
Wishing,
Hoping..

That one day she’d be mine.

She took me on a journey,
To a place I’ve never been.
And tomorrow,
We’ll do it again.

The lights,
The sounds,
I’ll remember it all.
The world seemed to stall.

Everything else,
Seemed to fade away.
The only part that hurt,
Was the end of the day.

But still I smile,
She’d be back in a while.
Waiting,
Waiting.

For my angel to return,
The one with the brown eyes….

By: Kristian King

*Dedicated

One long bus ride pt. 5

The last and finally stretch… I have just under an hour until I reach New York.

This has legit been the longest aggyiest uncomfortable bus ride of my 25 years. I will be freakin ecstatic when its all over.

I havent been this hungry in a while. And I hope to never feel this stomach pain from malnutrition ever again. 😒

Now that Im just about in arms reach of the door to my future… Im nervous as hell.
See on the bus, I have a destination, a goal. Once I step foot in New York I have no idea what my next step is. But I’m going to keep putting one foot in front of the other & keep my eyes focused on my goal.

Oh, whats my goal you ask?…

For now, just to be better than I was yesterday.

Thanks for reading & be on the look out for the video footage mash up “On the road”

YT: Mr Iman King

One long bus ride pt. 4

Second to last pit stop…

I finally got some sleep on this long ass bus ride; somewhere between VA & NC I think. From 4 to about 8am.
No more long layovers thank Jah.

I didnt do much personal thinking this stretch of highway because someone important needed my attention. Homestly all I can think about is food now anyways. I strongly advise anyone taking a 26hr+ bus or train right stock zoozoos properly. I dont know how I burned calories & energy by simply sitting on a bus.

I think I’ll take a nap until the finally pit stop.. 6 more hours to go.

I dont think I’ve ever been this nervous & anxious in my life…

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IG: k.king_legendary
SC: selfmadekris
YT: Mr Iman King
TW: kristianimankin

One long bus ride pt. 3

Finally….

That 3hr layover in Atlanta nearly killed me ugh. But finally back on this highway, this is one long ass bus ride.

Having some time to think to myself
(ignoring the social media stalking from a VERY bitter ex wife) I had an epiphany. Before transitioning I really wasnt torn about my gender or sexuality. Now that I have learned the dynamics & aspects of society & its ridiculous cis gender binary I realize that I might be more fluid than I thought at first.

I know I gender wise fit the male spectrum ( I refuse to use the term “umbrella” , i hate it). I use male pronouns & I embrace my male privilege. But again, going back to compare to the gender binary. There is some “discrepancies”. Jajaja
I do have more feminine tendencies; such as talking with my hands, softer walk, fluctuation & inflection when I speak and I overall do have certaint flamboyant (also dislike using that word in this context) or “gay” personality. I dont force myself to completely to fit into the male spectrum & I embrace all my characteristics wether they are masc or femme.

Coming to terms with the fact that I do have femme qualities I started to really embrace and find myself. I dropped the whole heterosexual male act and really did some soul searching.Β  My gender identity doest change; I am a male. However my gender personality is somewhat fluid. Sometimes Im in a masc space and attitude & sometimes I’m in a more femme mood. My gender itself is always and will always be male. Couldnt change that if I wanted do. (Clearly after 20+ years of crossdressing haha)

As far as embrancing my pansexuality I realize that I am more sexually attracted to femininity. Not necessarily female bodied individuals. So that of course takes me out the category heterosexuality, because I could be sexually attracted to a male bodied/masc person that gives femininity.
Embracing even further I find myself to be more completely attracted to people and not gender or femme or masc. So that also could leave a door open to be somewhat sexually attracted to a masc/male bodied indiviual that shows no feminity what so ever. If I first find attraction with them as a person.

Hmm so yup yup…

Guess i did learn somethin about myself on this long ass bus ride haha

One long bus ride pt. 2

Made it to my first pit stop in Mobile, AL with a layover of an hour…

A small pit stop compared to all the ones I will take over the course of the next day & a half. Bummed that I misplaced my ipod charger so vloggin is going to be crappy quality but I’m still vloggin anyways ha ha.

Doing alot of thinking on this bus ride & in these terminals, hopefully soon ill have some type of break through because this crook in my neck is blowing it.

One long bus ride pt. 1

So I am currently on a speeding greyhound with just under 26hrs till I reach my destination. I figure wen why not tap into my mind and find my thoughts on this day long bus ride.

My current feeling would be a total concoction of emotions; so I rather not frustrate myself by trying to put it into words. Just know Im all over the place, but in a good way ja ja ja.

For once I have made a decision all by myself. Yes 25 years of life and I can count on one hand how many choices or decisions I’ve made completely on my own. Being transparent, with my readers; the most recent one prior to this was my choice to transistion from one gender to another.

Yea, I’ve been slacking in the “Me” department, hence this soul searching journey….

I feel invigorated and powerful, yea its been a looong time…

Dont go no where!!!..
Ill be here for the next 24hrs..
Ha Ha

New Beginnings

In less than 4 days I will (yet again) be leaving my hometown of New Orleans and venture off to another part of the US.

This chapter will begin this Saturday afternoon when I touch down in New York City. Focusing on my transition into successful manhood. During this time I will explore my many talents that have been dormant and suffocated for so long. Hopefully finding new skills as well.
I will be blogging as well as now vlogging alot more frequently and look forward to continuously having some kind of current update.

IG: k.king_legendary
SC: selfmadekris
YT: mrimanking