Should I move back?

Yea never thought I would be considering this and to be honest I’m not even sure if that’s what I’m really considering.

But yet here I am blogging about it so it must be some kinda subconscious problem. So yup, part of me wants to move back to NYC because it’s familiar for one and living there for almost a year I had built bonds with people and established friendship and daily interactions that I really miss. Then of course with Mardi Gras just passing I am becoming increasingly homesick again. And with nothing of really importance keeping me in my current village my brain is telling me; “Well, why the fuck not? *shrug* ” For no other real reason besides that being  HOME 

All of this stems basically from feeling really isolated and alone. Imagine moving into a dorm but not having a roommate. Going to a 2hr class in the same building 5 days a week. Going off campus once a month and that’s only to get food for your ferret. 95% of all social interaction is through a cell phone. Not to mention running out of bud at least 3 times a month. 

Welcome to my life.”


But it’s not all bad. I’ve managed to secure 2 things in adult life that I hate having to deal with. A place of employment & a place of residence. Neither has very taxing upkeep and both are relatively comfortable considering. And that’s basically why I have been stationary. Somewhat just going with the flow for right now.

Partially because that’s easier than stressing about something that’s not even really a problem yet. Mainly because I dread making decision and hate making bad ones.

Of course I could always pack up everything and move to Cali like I did when I basically backpacked to NYC…

Adulting is hard πŸ™„

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First 6 months in my new apartment

Well well, never thought I’d get this far…

Let’s just say I’m like an adult cat , I can probably take care of myself but someone should be around.

This is the first time that I have lived alone for longer than two weeks in almost in a decade. I usually end up with a roommate or a partner. Yes I am aware I have dependency issues. Anywho, I am remarkable proud of myself for holding my own for this long without adult supervision.

Especially losing my job so suddenly back in late December. With less than $500 in savings I was pretty worried. I don’t normally live above my means anyways. But I did manage to let somethings go that weren’t necessities, like Netflix & my Xbox Game Pass. I work weird hours now so I don’t really have time for all that anyways.

Slipping into a slight depressive state for a  few weeks the end of January; jet lag from all the mistakes I made in 2017 most likely. I kept my mind and my apartment clean so and I’m doing much better.

Still have yet to seek out a physician to get back into therapy. But I’m still recovering from having to go through 3 different doctors in a year. My anxiety isn’t exactly telling me it’s a priority.

I’ve even used the open floor plan of my place to my advantage in my healthy living goals. I’ve been able to do more advanced at home work outs and even do a little yoga once in a while.

Over all I am very proud of myself 😊

“Wonder if you are too…”

Β Losing my job a week before Christmas…

Hey readers, can’t say this blog will be any good news sorry…

But yes I did lose my job a week before Christmas πŸ˜₯…

The news totally came as a shock to me. I went through so many emotions in the matter of a few hours. My stress was at an all-time high and my confidence in myself was at a low it hadn’t seen in a while. 12 hours in I found myself still somewhat flabbergasted but had already began the stages of grief. 

“It really hurts man. I thought I’d be making prosthetics forever.”

It was hard copping with such a drastic and abrupt change in my everyday life; my way of living. Already having gone through several life altering events and having mental disorders I did what I could to fight off depression and not go down the ugly cold dark road. 

My termination was not yet public knowledge but due to my line of work I had to somewhat explain to customers why I would no longer be able to help them. That was probably one of the worst things about being fired. 

About 2 days in I found myself snapping back and on the job hunt again. It was still pretty tough getting out of bed and putting on clothes to go out into the world but it was even tougher looking myself in mirror and thinking about just giving up.

” I got fired. A week before Christmas. Through a text message. On my day off. ” , Now tell me that ain’t some shitty type of luck.

As always though I had some amazing black girl magic to help me pick my self off the ground and keep on pushing. My moms, my sister & of course my girlfriend. My recovery time was way less than alot of the life changing events I had been through in the past. Considering it’s severity I would say it’s a new record. And I owe it all to my support system of women who love me unconditionally.

So it’s only been a 2 days shy of a week since the whole ordeal and maybe it’s the holidays or just me mature and not being so angry all the time now but I am extremely optimistic about everything Iman.

Thanks for reading.

*Special thanks to all those who knew and reached out on more than one occasion to check on me, I really appreciated that πŸ’―

” Whose hiring ? “πŸ˜‚

90 days in Dryden.

It seems like so much longer than that…

Only because I’ve done so much since September. Several trips to NYC, a few trips to Philly, a road trip to Vermont & solemn return home. Conferences, marches, birthdays, funerals, vacations, just becauses. My travels over the last 3 months were strenuous, interesting, enjoyable and even heartbreaking.

I’ve had ups and downs. Ha ha’s and oh shit’s. But still the end of 2017 was better than the beginning of it and for that I am totally grateful. 

My 360 wave journey has been a rough one but as it should be I hate dealing with my hair. I wanted to get a little more in shape and bulk up a little but… holidays 🀦. In good news in these few months I’ve got to try something amazing products and I can’t wait to see what type of Christmas goodies I get.

I didn’t think I would like this small village… Jury is still out, but I don’t hate it.

Here’s to new beginnings πŸ’―πŸ’―

A year of houselessness..

 ’16-’17 was a tough yearπŸ™„

From being dead broke recently divorced and packing up what little life I had left and blindly moving to New York…

To battling homelessness, heartbreak, extreme social anxiety & a complete fear and paranoia that everyone was out to destroy me…

And finally relocating to a small town, starting a career at a job I love, being financially stable and falling in love…

From the end of 2016 to a year later in ending in late 2017 life seemed to throw just about every curve ball possible at me. 

It started going downhill in Spring of 2016 as I struggled to understand my transition and where I wanted my new life to go I watched my marriage fall apart and what I that was my life explode. Not to mention the affair and jail time the year prior still causing me an extreme amount of stress.

Between my confusion in my transition and basically having my life turned upside down I began wanting to run. Run away from my problems. Run away from my mistakes. Run away from myself. So I did. I started running, or at least trying. 

Found myself leaving my home renting a room in a area of town where know  one knew my name, closing off from the world, barely even seen by my roommates but I didn’t seem to be escaping from what ever I was running from. So I ran farther. I ended up it Texas. Houston I believe. Paying weekly in hotel rooms, doing temp work, doing an assortment of drugs & trying to forget who I was/I am.

Eventually I ran out of money and mental strength to deal with people. By this time I believe I started to slip into depression. I still felt my demons on my shoulders, like I hadn’t ran at all. So I figure if I’m going to be broke, homeless and depressed I might as well go back to where it all started. Plus Texas is fucking stupid.

So somehow up I ended back in New Orleans, Metairie to be technical. A young broken man on the verge of a self destructive path. Fortunately I was taken in by my gay mother that had adopted me a few years prior. She tried her best to help me stand but mentally I was a complete fucking mess. And seemed like the more she tried to help the more it reminded me that my life used to be so great and it was completely falling apart all around me and there was nothing I could do about it only made me worse.

I went from being at depression’s doorstep to being hurled through the front door. Shit was bad. I mean like REALLY bad. Almost ended up in a psych hospital..

*Takes bong rip

Reaching my breaking point and still wanting to run away from it all, when the opportunity came for me to be able to run away 13000 miles away I took it.

Packed what I had left which ended up being a army duffle bag and 2 book bags and headed to the Greyhound station. I had no money in my pockets but I know if I didn’t do this and let my soul fly I would never get better & I might never figure out what I wanted to be in life.

“…But Son, what makes you happy?..”

You can read my blogs from my 26hr Greyhound bus trip from New Orleans to New York in my “Road Trip” section of my blog. 😊

Of course with no money in my pockets and not knowing anyone in NYC I ended up in the shelter system for the first few months and then renting rooms and eventually back in the shelter system. Seemed like everything was still going wrong. Getting lost. Being Robbed. Freezing temperatures. Injured at work. Losing my wallet. Getting played. 

But I felt like I had some how found what I was running to. I thought I was running FROM my problems but I was actually running to my life. My new life. The life my soul was searching for. Even with all the shitty stuff that was still happening I was happy. I felt like I made a decision that made me happy. Of course it wasn’t all shits and giggles and sparkles at first or for the first 6 months. There was times I wanted to give up but I refuse to just go home where I had found what I almost died searching for. So I stuck it out and eventually….

Well, eventually…😎

Well hello for the 3rd time, NYC

 

I don’t know how I keep ending up coming back to this place πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™‚οΈ but at least I don’t live here anymore.

Feels so good to say that 😁

Sooo my return trip was a straight shot. One other pick up but not a single layover. Ended up back almost an hour early. Awesome right? Yea until I take the wrong train going the wrong way and totally fuck my life. No big deal reminds me of the first time out here last year attempting to catch the train by myself.

So long story short I took my jet lagged irritated ass topside and just caught a cab from Manhattan to the Bronx.

The cab ride is somewhat bitter sweet….

The fact that I can once again afford cabbies from Manhattan to the Bronx gives me heart palpitations. I’m throwing myself a congratulatory party since I totally deserve it.

I really don’t want to stress out and over analyze everything like I normally do so my goal is to relax , stay calm & remember everything is under control because I am in control.

Yea easier said then done.

A city called Ithaca, A village named Dryden.

 

Everything was a complete success!

😭😭😭😭😭 *tears of joy because I haven’t made that statement in over a year.

Ahh the homely town of Ithaca, NY… where do i start???…

For my fellow New Orleanians I would best describe Ithaca as 60% Metairie & 40% the country. (Y’all know what I mean when I say country) *Lutcher, Gramercy, St James etc

New Yorkers of course probably know how upstate NY is.

And for the rest of the world I would just say it’s a small townπŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™‚οΈ

The village of Dryden. Yes, population “village”. Few miles and a couple minutes away from downtown Ithaca. Little more out there a little more quiet & a little more country. Population wise this is probably the smallest area I have ever stayed in. Nevertheless I feel like this could be exactly what I need. πŸ™ƒ

So Monday afternoon I saw 2 different places. The first one was terrible. The house itself, was super nice. The landlord & neighbors not so much. Eh. Long story short as a POC I knew that the wasn’t the best choice πŸ™„.

That bummed me out for a few minutes. I was so excited I just knew I was going to find the perfect spot on the first day, first try. The next destination; of course, appeared that it was going to be the same prejudice. I mean honestly it was from the patrons when I walked into the bar/restaurant. (Oh yes btw I live directly above a bar/restaurant & also a barbershop, haha)

I’m not the type to just turn around and leave when I get the whole “where did this little black boy come from look?”. The first place was different I was getting all these weird “Get Out” time of vibes from the cat lady type landlord. That was just too many red flags.

I was determined to find something on my second try. Come to find out everyone there is super nice and super caring about their tenants 😁. So I viewed the quiet studio apartment and was I more than surprised. I found my home. Perfect size. Right location. Reasonable Rent. Plus only 16 steps down stairs to an alcoholic beverage. Immediately leaving the apartment I emailed the leasing manager that I had been contacting for the past week. She did not respond immediately πŸ˜•. I chalked it up to here being busy which she had advised of prior. Still no response after we left the office from a long day’s work. Now I’m getting a little worried. However I still keep my spirits high. Went about the rest of my evening and semi forgot I was waiting on an email.

 

The next day…

So I get to work in the morning ready to jump right back in from where we left off the afternoon before. My boss asked if I had heard anything back and then I got anxious and by 11am I was making telephone calls.

So I finally got a hold of someone and explained that their space was absolutely perfect. Of course it was the normal proof of income, references, background check yada yada. Definitely was not doing a background check. Because ignorance is bliss πŸ˜‚. I had a whole list of “references” I was creating. Shout outs to those who answered the call ! ✊🏾 I step outside to smoke not more that 15 from speaking with the property manage I received a return call. Before I had a sent off the email of acquired “references”

#success

So 2 hrs later (if that long) I’m doing the move in walk through. Rent receipt & keys in hand I felt so fulfilled. 😍 The last year of traveling has been so unforgiving.

Right back to work not skipping a beat some where during the work day I almost forgot that I still have to go back to NYC to gather my measly belongings πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™‚οΈ. Called it an early work and I’m still on a mental high. Even as I type this blog it all feels so surreal.(not sure if that’s word I’m looking for, working on 3hrs of sleep)

So now that I’ve FINALLY got everything under control all that’s left is to tie up loose ends and pack and my new life can begin.

See you in a few hours NYC!!!

 

Apartment Hunting!!!

It’s currently “too damn early to be up” o’clock.

And once again I am on the road 😁

This time I am heading to Ithaca, New York; to check out some apartments. I’ve been frantically trying to gather information and schedule days and times to view prospective apartments since my return from philly last weekend.

It’s about a 4hr ride from Manhattan to Ithaca; greyhound style. All I want to do right now is nap.

I was able to get some sleep last night somehow and the anxiety didn’t kick in and wake me up till about 1am …yayy

Just my luck I ended up sitting in front of two underage college strangers that want to get to know each other’s whole life story on this greyhoundπŸ™„ I don’t know what’s worse the blonde chewing her gum or this guys accent πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™‚οΈ

Anyways….

Keeping my fingers crossed 🀞🏾 that hopefully I find reasonable accommodations today because I would loathe having to come back 2 & 3 times just to apartment hunt.
I learned first hand from Houston, Tx that no matter how much cash you have finding a suitable apartment can sometimes be a long winded game of chess.

The sooner I find a place the sooner I can settle in and the sooner I can begin my dream job.

Think I’ll take a nap for a little while and dream of all the good things to soon come.

Add me on Snapchat @selfmadekris

&

Follow me on Instagram @Iman.da.god

…For live videos and updates from my journey to Ithaca New York.

I’ll be back shortly !