Figuring out you have a manipulative partner/friend.

Something that we don’t talk about enough in the transgender community. Men & Women. Let’s be honest; too often we are seen as fetishes, trophy or the “trans friend” everyone is so proud to have. It results in wasted time, broken hearts and unfortunately for some of my sisters a lost of a life. Most of these issues stem from a partner/friend not truly being comfortable with themselves. So they manipulate the situation and perception of it.

The biggest and most dangerous manipulative situation for alot of us is a partner whom is not yet comfortable with themselves trying to reflect that paradigm on their transgender partner. This is detrimental to our mental health and to some who fall into situations with those who would rather take a life than admit attraction to someone who is transgender; is down right deadly.

“Being trans and pursuing a relationship or a friendship is hard.”

Taking being transgender out of the equation (I know not all of my readers are trans) having a partner or friend who is manipulative is sooooo stressful. Manipulate individuals use words and actions to cause others to react the way they want them to. Often times we don’t even realize we are getting manipulated. 

Statements like:

  • “All I want know..”
  • “But it really isn’t my fault..”
  • “You shouldn’t feel that way..”
  • “Well remember when you..”

Are basically avoiding the actual situation being discussed, redistributing fault, and forcing feelings and paradigms on another; usually the one that initiated the conversation. It may seem like the person is listening and understand but subtle words & phrases, such as the ones just started; usually proves otherwise.

Everyone is guilty of this to some extent, myself included. It is not always done maliciously but it can differently take a toll if done repeatedly. Especially if it’s brought up to be received as manipulation or several occasions and it is continued.

As you let someone in and they begin to understand what exactly makes you tock they are also learning what makes you tickets. How to push your buttons. Most of the time these triggers are learned subconsciously and shouldn’t be a problem. You should care for a person through the good, the bad & the ugly. 

It’s when individual take this acquired knowledge and use it to force you in to emotions or actions to benefit them that it becomes manipulation. Everyone, literally everyone does this! *To some extent.

Parents use it to get their children to behave. Companies do it to their employees to get to work diligently. Countries do it to get their citizens to comply. It’s not always malicious, it’s not always negative. But when it’s don’t repeatedly it alters the relationship and communication between whatever parties are involved.

So then how do you know when your friend/partner is actually being manipulative or just being human?

Ahhh, that is the part where it gets complicated and begins to be in a grey area. My personal opinion is to voice how you feeling, should you start feeling manipulated. It will be the person’s reaction and response that will give you all the signs you need to know. Also take into consideration how often you use words and actions to manipulate others and definitely towards your partner/friend that you are having the discussion with.

Understanding is key. Remorsefulness is the deciding factor (for me). 

Sometimes it’s a learned trait, adefense mechanism acquired through life and sometimes it’s just a bad habit picked up.

It takes someone who is truely comfortable with themselves to admit “I am being manipulative in our realtionship and I apologise”

How sugarcoated or how blunt you wish to confront said individual is entirely up to you. However, I can say from experience that sooner rather than later is usually best. No one likes to be manipulated into doing/feeling anything. Holding it in can make the initial conversation hard.  

My advice to anyone would be: First try to understand where the person is at in life and what is causes these actions. Then decide if you want to receive those actions as malacious or just plain old human nature. Lastly have a talk with them and voice how you feel and what you would like to be changed. Most importantly understand that no one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes & they way someone is feeling is never for you to decide if it’s right or wrong. 

 A feeling or emotion is exactly that.

 I hope this blog has helped a least one person begin to understand and figure out which side of a manipulative situation they are on and take the means to correct it. πŸ€—

Thanks for reading!

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Dating as A Transgender

Many people have talked about this subject, and I have decided to hop on the band wagon. Ha ha. No seriously. A lot of people miss the actual important difference when dating someone who is transgender vs dating someone who isnt.

Of course the main difference is simply just the word transgender. Notice I say the word instead of actually “being transgender”. Because like most transgender individuals; we realize that it really boils down to that one word. 

Looking at it this way. A transgender male such as my self; either dating a woman who is transgender or a woman who is not transgender. Simply for example, I may have a preference but I do not discriminate.

Now dating someone who is also transgender means I don’t really have to explain in detail what it means to transition and whatnot because my partner has also experienced some type of transition. 

Of course I know that mtf / ftm are also very different transitional experiences but just grabbing the complete concept of transition from one gender to another is difficult without first hand experience.

Also friends and family are already aware; regardless of personal stance, with the term transgender and you don’t get bombarded with the typical “seeing a transgender up close for the first time” questions like:

  • So what was your name
  • Did you have the surgery
  • Do you have before pictures
  • So how do y’all have sex


Yes, I am very aware that you may still receive questions like this from family and friends of your partner. But usually they have already been briefed on what’s PC and what isn’t. Usually…

Vs dating a one gender woman’s whose family and friends MIGHT be familiar with what it means to be transgender. Even though media wise we aren’t shown in the best light all the time. I mean it is 2018. But apparently some people are still ignorant. Then not only do you risk being exposed to those stupid and sometimes triggering questions but you may face people in your partners circle that are more than just ignorant..  yes I’m talking about the transphobic.

Cause let’s face it. As a transperson most of us will not stand to be associated with someone who is transphobic for obvious reasons. But to a one gendered person those reasons and being associated with someone who is transphobic doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. But it would be a big deal to the partner of course.

Now do we see that this is a topic that doesn’t receive a lot of attention…. But really should…

 Again I am not showing favoritism. So like look at this from another angle. If yours truly is dating a one gender woman there is certain aspects of my body she would have more understanding, and I would have less explaining to do; as far as biology goes. Honestly pre/post/non operation status doesn’t matter; at one time both have share experience in the same sex body. (Hope I said that without offending anyone too much)

That is the only Pro I can’t personally vouch for… My apologies.

There’s always pro’s and cons to every relationship cis/one gender or trans; hetero or homosexual. But put the word “Trans” on something and people always go straight for the genitals; “How do you have sex?” A relationship period is more than just sex. Yup, sex with someone who is trans is definitely different, but sex with a little person would be different too. Let’s be a little more concerned with how people love instead of how they have sex.

Dear LGB , T , QAI , etc

I fight back…

And we all know my blogs are unfiltered and I will read you your rights.

But apparently it would seem that my image had gone soft….

Just because I don’t address everything doesn’t mean I don’t see it or I don’t feel some type of way about it. I practice a lot more self care now and have greatly reduced the amount of stress I put myself through on a daily basis.

I still see the transphobia, the loss of unity within our community, the judgement, the shade, the hate, the comparison, I see it and it STILL makes me sick. I have just choosen to live more healthy lately.

Oh but I still see you and ya bullshit.

I don’t care who you are but I will not tolerate any negative energy, vibes or statements aimed at LGB , T or Q community and it’s individuals. With that being said emphasis on the “I don’t care who you are” ; meaning if you are part of any of the communities mentioned prior and think that because you are “part of the community” you are safe to say whatever hurtful, negative or triggering bullshit you want to those also in the community.

BECAUSE I WILL CALL YO BITCH ASS OUT!

” Iman, what do you mean? “

I mean exactly what the fuck I said. Cause apparently the last time I blogged about how we should protect and pick each other up in a calm reasonable manner no one listened so nowwwwwwww, now I gotta get ignant πŸ™„.
Just because you are a transman don’t mean you can down talk other Tguys on how the choose to transition or what they decided to do with their bodies.

Just because your gay/lesbian & one gender doesn’t mean you can question transgender people on why they “just didn’t stay gay/straight”

Just because you’re GNC does not give you the right or reason to misgender and judge those who choose to transition. AND VERS VISE.

Just because you are a heterosexual transgender individual doesn’t mean it’s ok to speak down or negatively on the trans folxs that identify as bi or pansexual.

Just because you identify as a lesbian doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to misgender and invalidate transmen.

Just because you identify as a gay male doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to misgender and invalidate transwomen.

Transmen. It is NOT ok to disrespect transwomen.

Transwomen. It is NOT ok to disrespect transmen.

Just because your are a transwoman it doesn’t make it ok for you to judge other transwomen by the way they choose to transition or live their lives.

Just because your transgender doesn’t mean you can misgender or judge individuals who identify as GNC or A gender.
If you don’t know by now I don’t play with all this damn hate and judgement inside our own community walls. I can’t stress enough that we ALL have to face the negativity of cis heteronormative assholes…. Let’s not do this to each other.

” Get your shit together people ! “

Social platform handles

IG : iman.da.god

Twitter rants: iman_da_god

AMOSC: Selfmadekris

The secret to my facial hair growth. v2.0

I’VE DONE IT!!!!!

I FOUND THE KEY TO GROWING FACIAL HAIR….

Sorry if you don’t smoke marijuana.. this maybe out of your reach unless you have pothead friends🀘😎

Yes. The key is weed.

As we all should know, marijuana has several helpful uses. Treating diseases like cancer. Helping mental disorders like anxiety. Improving appetite and cognitive function.

A Tbro of mine hipped me to the secret last year… I’m pretty gullible for old wives remedies and natural herbs for ailments. And of course it was always on hand with me 😎 especially at the time.

“Weed ashes bro.”

“Weed ashes bro?”

And that’s how it all began….

I originally started randomly ashing the blunt in my hand and rubbing on my chin. Didn’t really think too much of it and any new whiskers I came across I chalked it up to being remotely still somewhat in therapy. But as the months progressed and I again found myself weaned out of therapy the gains were still apparent, and still happening. So then I started to put more thought into.

Fast forwarding to a few months ago when I moved into my apartment (by this time I am convinced the ashes do help stimulate hair growth), from the first blunt I smoked in my house to this very day I have been ashing my blunts,joints, bowls etc into a small container. I knew that I would eventually find a way to combine the ashes with other natural products in hope to create my own beard oil/cream.

Almost to current time now..

About 6 weeks ago I ran across a unique concoction of natural oils that help facial hair growth AND that also didn’t smell like ass. So of course now I have to figure out how I was going to mix the ash and the oils & how I planned to apply it to my face.

4 weeks ago at the beginning of “No Shave November” I said fuck it and just went for it. At this point I have been out of therapy for just about 2 months. Also attended my Aunt’s funeral the first week of November so I was clean shaven to my normal stache and struggling goatee. 

Soo with all of the variables going in to the month of November compared to the gains documented during December I believe it’s safe to say; “By George! I think he’s got it!”

So with the confidence that I now I have in all this January will be my official documents of the gains from my “not officially named yet” beard oil. 😎

Never too old to discover your hidden talent. That’s why its called “hidden” talent.

-Iman

Let’s talk How do you feel about living stealth* #WhatsUpIman

First off, too each their ownπŸ˜‡βœŒοΈ…

And I’ve said this multiple times., Personally I am DADT (don’t ask don’t tell). 

I also understand when people live stealth for certain reasons like safety or comfort. Just like those who choose to live unapologetically out loud like advocates.

Same as those who choose to go through legal transition, therapy & SRS; you do and live how best suits your needs and what is important to you.

So I can say that this is going to be a lengthy blog because this is more of an opinion than actual facts.

“…Because there is no way that you can fuck up every day living so bad that you might die.”

However I will say this… Eventually,now that I’m older and “cis passing” way more than the first time I blogged about this subject; I can see me living more out loud then DADT. I have taken this into consideration not only with my recent career change which puts my face out there more than before in the queer community but also because I CAN live my truth. I’ve never been one to rub my trans status it someone said face or always bringing it up in conversation outside of context. But I am fortunate enough that I can live my truth safely and comfortablely. Which not alot of trans and queer people can say. Those that can seem to forget that someone’s , guilty as charge. So I do see myself living a little more outloud in the future 😎

-Iman

πŸ’FAN APPRECIATION GIVE AWAYS !!!

Hey readers, welcome back !!
Today I am here to talk about the FAN APPRECIATION GIVE AWAYS I will be doing every weekend for the month November !!!

I am hosting this via my YouTube channel in celebration and gratitude of all the love and support I have received from my fans since my channel debuted back in late August. 

Here’s my most recent video in case you might have missed it:

I wasn’t expecting the amount of people I would reach & would actually be interested and definitely never would have thought I would have this much support and such awesome fans.

600+ views & 60+ subscribers !!!!

You all are awesome and I appreciate everyone πŸ˜ŠπŸ€—πŸ’.

Soooo… to show my appreciation I am giving a #IAmIman T-shirt (with my cool new custom made logo) to an awesome fan once a week, every week in November.

To enter into the give away all you have to do is share the official trailer of my YouTube channel 

Click here: … https://youtu.be/ANbg_-Gbr8c … to be brought to the trailer

Multiple entries are allowed with a maximum daily entree of three(3).

You can share the video on many different social platforms, even ones I am not currently on.

I am trying to make these giveaways as simple and user friendly as possible while making in accessible to my fans on every social site. However this is my first give away so please continue to bare with me.

Here is a few ways to share the trailer

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/imanking

I will try my best to keep in towards the top of my timeline so you can easily find it. Simply find the public status advertising “FAN APPRECIATION GIVE AWAYS” click share , write post, and then tag my facebook account Iman King.

Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/iman_da_god

Probably the easiest way to share and enter the give away. Retweet my current pinned tweet for an entree. Retweet the retweet for multiple entrees. Too bad nobody is on Twitter these days 🀣

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iman.da.god

Not as simple as Facebook but definitely easy to share and tag. Screenshot the photo of the screenshot of the Facebook status advertising about the “FAN APPRECIATION GIVE AWAYS” (sounds complicated, but it’s not) and post it on your Instagram page. Make sure to tag me or use the hashtag #IamIman. **Remember if your page is private I won’t receive the tag or be able to search the hash tag.

Snapchat – AMOSC: selfmadekris

This may be the most complicated way to enter, but I don’t want to leave my Snapchat fans out. So you can screenshot any advertising from any social platforms (Snapchat included) and post on your story, then take a screenshot of your story and snapchat it to me 

And of course to my readers…. You basically have all of those options to choose from.

Any screenshot of sharing the trailer on media sites not mentioned above are still valid but it is only one entree per day. Sorry but this is because I don’t have a way to verify entree on platforms I do not have and I feel like that’s not fair to everyone else.

If you have problems trying to share for a chance to win please let me know on the specific platform you are trying to share and I’ll fix it so it is available. Help me make this run as smooth as possible.

If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to ask.

Good luck everyone 🀞 and thanks again for your support it is greatly appreciated 😊.

-Iman King

Failing at HRT, again x6 maybe 7..

πŸ™„πŸ™„

But this time it’s not totally my fault..

Ok, well maybe it is..πŸ€”

So as you know by now I have relocated to upstate NY which means I SHOULD switch my PCP to a new doctor and pharmacy in the area. And herein lies the problem; I had just found a doctor a liked. My original plan was to keep my same physician in the Bronx and just go once a month to refill my prescription and get blood work done. Then I started thinking, well that isn’t very smart. Which it still doesn’t seem to be. But I really rather not go through that aniexty of a new office, nurses and physician. So it may not be the smartest or cheapest way; but it is (what seems to be) the least stressful option.

Iman is a habitual procrastinator. Iman has problems making appointments. Iman has his priorities all mixed up..maybe..

So long story short I have yet to either switch to a new PCP or to see my old one and fill my prescription. So now am behind on my therapy…. Yet again. In my defense however; my stress & aniexty are still high from the move, new surrounds, new job, new everyday life. Not to mention working 6 days a week 50+ hrs & traveling every weekend, I have only had 1 or 2 chances to do either. We all know it takes me a few times to actually jump off the porch.

Lately I seem to have been doing better at adjusting and this should only be the only week I miss. Next weekend is self-care and I will be taking some down time to really recharge and relax. Life got overwhelming for a minute.

But I brought up this “fail” (again) at HRT because this time I do have a few changes to announce some good some bad. 

If you are up to date then you are aware that my dosage has changed again, this time amount and administration. Currently I am on .50 subcutaneous weekly injections in the fatty tissue of my belly.

So immediatly following the first week of the shot I experienced a 100% in my sex drive and overall physical stamina and endurance. Followed by a lost of appetite, which is weird because the actual amount of food I could consume in one sitting drastically increased.

Rounding my second weekly injections I starting experience “growing pains” in my muscles in my chest and upper back before I started my home work out routine.

After the first few days following my missed shot I started experiencing mood swings, a decrease in sex drive and an increase in appetite.

I don’t know exactly why third time in therapy it seems to be such drastic and apparent changes but I would like to assume that it’s because I switched from intramuscular to subcutaneous; I have absolutely no facts or proff of that, besides my gut feeling and know how my body normally reacts to therapy.

Hopefully this is the last missed shot and the last restart of HRT. With me, we can only hope for the best πŸ˜‚πŸ€ž

-Thanks for reading

Let’s talk RELATIONSHIPS *#What’sUpIman

Hey readers, welcome back; today we a pulling a question out of the #WHATSUPIMAN hat !

So the original question pulled was:

“Are you in a relationship/ Which gender(s) do you date?”

Yup, so some readers who know me personally already know the answer to this question but for those who don’t know.. ..

What’s up Iman !?!

A few years ago at the very beginning of my transition I began to internally question my sexuality since I myself had recently become “the grey area” ;so to speak. At the time I was married to a onegender woman. Which had already made unrelated comments about how she felt about transrelationships & transgender people being interested in the same sex. I had also assumed that I was going to be with that person for the rest of my life so I figure it didn’t really matter what gender I was attracted to, I was already married and off the market.

Yes at the time I was somewhat in denial or just didn’t want to face the fact that I had become curious in relationships not only out of the cisgender heteronormative spectrum but also outside of the homosexual normative (apparently). 

I was always “bicurious” but I quickly realized that being transgender that umbrella in itself didn’t quite fit in the rap sheet…

As my marriage came to an end I was free to explore my sexuality and then I came across the term “pansexual”. Of course I’m not big on labels, but being pansexual seemed about as labeless as I was going to find. Not long after my discovery I started completely living in my truth; not just a transman but a pansexual.

For those who don’t know the definition of pansexual in laymen’s terms: I am attracted to any and all human genders. Male, female, transfemale, transmale, GNC etc.

I am still growing and coming in to myself so there’s is much more to learn about my self and my attractions.

I am currently in a relationship with a transwoman, we have been dating for about 7 months now and I must admit this is the most understanding relationship I have been in since/regarding my transition. I personally find onegender women don’t really get me like transwomen. 

*****

My advice for “dating while trans” , is to first make sure you are comfortable enough with yourself before you try and date anyone regardless of gender. Dating and maintaining a relationship is hard enough. Adding mood swings, dysphoria, searching for validation, surgeries, etc will only add on to the stress of making even the easiest relationship work.

If you are not yet comfortable with yourself, your body or where you are at in your transition how can you expect to be comfortable enough to be with someone else?

If you have any further questions about my sexuality or ftm/mtf relationship feel free to ask & I’ll make sure to cover them in the next episode of #WhatsUpIman .

As always thanks for stopping by.

-Iman

Let’s talk, BABIES *whats up Iman

 

YES , I said babies πŸ‘Ά. Of course if you knew me a few years ago , hell my whole life actually up into the last couple months you most likely will take this as a joke. But I warn you this is not a drill.

I’m not sure if it’s the fact that I realized that I’m pushing thirty with no kids of my own, that I have finally become comfortable enough with myself as an adult to give it a try, or that I’ve realized that I can finally truly have a “baby momma”.

Ok so let’s get the dumb questions out of the way πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™‚οΈ. How is man going to have a baby ? Come on people we are in 2017. Google is a thing , use it. But I know sometimes people completely ignorant to queer/trans lifestyles some how find their way to my blog. So for my avid readers bear with me as I clear somethings up for the lost one-gendered people.

Of course being a transman it is still medically and physically possible for me to make a baby. Also being a transman it’s is medically and physically possible for me to carry said child.

Duh.

So let’s travel down memory lane for a second. I have raised children from babies to toddlers to adolescents; from teens to adults & yes even adults to older adults. In my younger years (beside just not liking kids) I put having biological kids out of my mind because, well; I’m the daddy. Meaning I’d rather not procreate with another masculine person.

Now that the black and white area has become grey and I’ve taken more than just a stroll on the queer side I’ve found that having biological kids with a feminine person is not as far fetched as it seems for a guy like me.

So with all that on the table I have made the conscious decision to procreate with another transgender individual. Of course that means I will have to carry the baby myself. Not saying it’s gonna be the best time of my life but you play the cards you’re dealt. This allows me to have a biological child with a feminine person.

Yea I’m talking bout that trans on trans love y’all ❀️. Ha ha.

Now of course this is still somewhat new to society and I am very much prepared for everyone’s opinions (wether I asked for them or not). Backlash from not only the cis-hetero-normative community & the LGB community but also from my own trans community. But we all know Kris gives no fucks. 🀣

To some degree the idea of coparenting still makes me uneasy because of my Virgo characteristics. Knowing that in some instances I will have to compromise on the way I want to raise my child because it will be OUR child (to some luck woman).

But I’ve seen so many baby momma/baby daddy issues it’s more or less in the back of my mind. As long as you coparent with someone you have a strong line of communication with you can get through anything as a family.

So then biggest worry I have with this whole coparenting idea is how it will affect my child. 2 homes. 2 sets of parents. 2 lives. πŸ˜” However I am given hope because I first hand saw how it will affect the child well into adulthood.

So the biggest challenge now would be to find a woman that is willing to procreate and coparent with me😩. I’m not that bad of a guy but then again I ain’t exactly what some would call a “catch”. There is someone for everyone. Or at least what the old folks used to tell the ugly kids growing up.

So in closing; I am now taking applications for baby mother. Inquire within. πŸ˜‚

Happy hunting !

Instagram: Iman.da.god
Snapchat: Selfmadekris

Travel jitters

 

Well it’s been almost a year since I last hopped a bus, train or plane & I seem to have a case of the butterflies.
Philadelphia is a place I haven’t yet been so I am overly anxious to add another notch on my belt. Also the weekend break from NYC will be much appreciated.

What better way to pass a two hour bus ride than to blog 😊.

I am traveling from New York to Philadelphia to attend my first Philly TransHealth conference. I will be going as an official representative from project Freedom Underground / Free Ky. I am also attending to meet and sit with the Creator & Owner of GenderCat. Not to mention all the information and knowledge at my fingertips while I am there.

This is the first conference I have ever attend and I am definitely feeling a mixture of emotions. But over all I’m excited and I can’t wait for the experience.

And me on Snapchat: Selfmadekris & Facebook: Iman King

Follow me on Instagram: Iman.da.god & twitter: imandagod

Don’t forget to subscribe, like, comment & share my YouTube channel. !!