Let’s talk, BABIES *whats up Iman

 

YES , I said babies 👶. Of course if you knew me a few years ago , hell my whole life actually up into the last couple months you most likely will take this as a joke. But I warn you this is not a drill.

I’m not sure if it’s the fact that I realized that I’m pushing thirty with no kids of my own, that I have finally become comfortable enough with myself as an adult to give it a try, or that I’ve realized that I can finally truly have a “baby momma”.

Ok so let’s get the dumb questions out of the way 🤦🏾‍♂️. How is man going to have a baby ? Come on people we are in 2017. Google is a thing , use it. But I know sometimes people completely ignorant to queer/trans lifestyles some how find their way to my blog. So for my avid readers bear with me as I clear somethings up for the lost one-gendered people.

Of course being a transman it is still medically and physically possible for me to make a baby. Also being a transman it’s is medically and physically possible for me to carry said child.

Duh.

So let’s travel down memory lane for a second. I have raised children from babies to toddlers to adolescents; from teens to adults & yes even adults to older adults. In my younger years (beside just not liking kids) I put having biological kids out of my mind because, well; I’m the daddy. Meaning I’d rather not procreate with another masculine person.

Now that the black and white area has become grey and I’ve taken more than just a stroll on the queer side I’ve found that having biological kids with a feminine person is not as far fetched as it seems for a guy like me.

So with all that on the table I have made the conscious decision to procreate with another transgender individual. Of course that means I will have to carry the baby myself. Not saying it’s gonna be the best time of my life but you play the cards you’re dealt. This allows me to have a biological child with a feminine person.

Yea I’m talking bout that trans on trans love y’all ❤️. Ha ha.

Now of course this is still somewhat new to society and I am very much prepared for everyone’s opinions (wether I asked for them or not). Backlash from not only the cis-hetero-normative community & the LGB community but also from my own trans community. But we all know Kris gives no fucks. 🤣

To some degree the idea of coparenting still makes me uneasy because of my Virgo characteristics. Knowing that in some instances I will have to compromise on the way I want to raise my child because it will be OUR child (to some luck woman).

But I’ve seen so many baby momma/baby daddy issues it’s more or less in the back of my mind. As long as you coparent with someone you have a strong line of communication with you can get through anything as a family.

So then biggest worry I have with this whole coparenting idea is how it will affect my child. 2 homes. 2 sets of parents. 2 lives. 😔 However I am given hope because I first hand saw how it will affect the child well into adulthood.

So the biggest challenge now would be to find a woman that is willing to procreate and coparent with me😩. I’m not that bad of a guy but then again I ain’t exactly what some would call a “catch”. There is someone for everyone. Or at least what the old folks used to tell the ugly kids growing up.

So in closing; I am now taking applications for baby mother. Inquire within. 😂

Happy hunting !

Instagram: Iman.da.god
Snapchat: Selfmadekris

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Well hello for the 3rd time, NYC

 

I don’t know how I keep ending up coming back to this place 🤦🏾‍♂️ but at least I don’t live here anymore.

Feels so good to say that 😁

Sooo my return trip was a straight shot. One other pick up but not a single layover. Ended up back almost an hour early. Awesome right? Yea until I take the wrong train going the wrong way and totally fuck my life. No big deal reminds me of the first time out here last year attempting to catch the train by myself.

So long story short I took my jet lagged irritated ass topside and just caught a cab from Manhattan to the Bronx.

The cab ride is somewhat bitter sweet….

The fact that I can once again afford cabbies from Manhattan to the Bronx gives me heart palpitations. I’m throwing myself a congratulatory party since I totally deserve it.

I really don’t want to stress out and over analyze everything like I normally do so my goal is to relax , stay calm & remember everything is under control because I am in control.

Yea easier said then done.

A city called Ithaca, A village named Dryden.

 

Everything was a complete success!

😭😭😭😭😭 *tears of joy because I haven’t made that statement in over a year.

Ahh the homely town of Ithaca, NY… where do i start???…

For my fellow New Orleanians I would best describe Ithaca as 60% Metairie & 40% the country. (Y’all know what I mean when I say country) *Lutcher, Gramercy, St James etc

New Yorkers of course probably know how upstate NY is.

And for the rest of the world I would just say it’s a small town🤷🏾‍♂️

The village of Dryden. Yes, population “village”. Few miles and a couple minutes away from downtown Ithaca. Little more out there a little more quiet & a little more country. Population wise this is probably the smallest area I have ever stayed in. Nevertheless I feel like this could be exactly what I need. 🙃

So Monday afternoon I saw 2 different places. The first one was terrible. The house itself, was super nice. The landlord & neighbors not so much. Eh. Long story short as a POC I knew that the wasn’t the best choice 🙄.

That bummed me out for a few minutes. I was so excited I just knew I was going to find the perfect spot on the first day, first try. The next destination; of course, appeared that it was going to be the same prejudice. I mean honestly it was from the patrons when I walked into the bar/restaurant. (Oh yes btw I live directly above a bar/restaurant & also a barbershop, haha)

I’m not the type to just turn around and leave when I get the whole “where did this little black boy come from look?”. The first place was different I was getting all these weird “Get Out” time of vibes from the cat lady type landlord. That was just too many red flags.

I was determined to find something on my second try. Come to find out everyone there is super nice and super caring about their tenants 😁. So I viewed the quiet studio apartment and was I more than surprised. I found my home. Perfect size. Right location. Reasonable Rent. Plus only 16 steps down stairs to an alcoholic beverage. Immediately leaving the apartment I emailed the leasing manager that I had been contacting for the past week. She did not respond immediately 😕. I chalked it up to here being busy which she had advised of prior. Still no response after we left the office from a long day’s work. Now I’m getting a little worried. However I still keep my spirits high. Went about the rest of my evening and semi forgot I was waiting on an email.

 

The next day…

So I get to work in the morning ready to jump right back in from where we left off the afternoon before. My boss asked if I had heard anything back and then I got anxious and by 11am I was making telephone calls.

So I finally got a hold of someone and explained that their space was absolutely perfect. Of course it was the normal proof of income, references, background check yada yada. Definitely was not doing a background check. Because ignorance is bliss 😂. I had a whole list of “references” I was creating. Shout outs to those who answered the call ! ✊🏾 I step outside to smoke not more that 15 from speaking with the property manage I received a return call. Before I had a sent off the email of acquired “references”

#success

So 2 hrs later (if that long) I’m doing the move in walk through. Rent receipt & keys in hand I felt so fulfilled. 😍 The last year of traveling has been so unforgiving.

Right back to work not skipping a beat some where during the work day I almost forgot that I still have to go back to NYC to gather my measly belongings 🤦🏾‍♂️. Called it an early work and I’m still on a mental high. Even as I type this blog it all feels so surreal.(not sure if that’s word I’m looking for, working on 3hrs of sleep)

So now that I’ve FINALLY got everything under control all that’s left is to tie up loose ends and pack and my new life can begin.

See you in a few hours NYC!!!

 

4 weeks in HRT *(again, again)

A month strong (minus one hiccup) in hormone replacement therapy 🙌🏾

The first few weeks are the same every time. Subtle changes in the body here and there; if you know what you’re looking for.

What I can say restarting therapy so many times on different dosages has allowed me to see and understand the effects of my levels vs the amount and speed my body goes through certain changes.

Recap:

Original Dosage : .25
Biweekly

Original Gel Dosage : 1g /day

Restarted Dosage : .50
Weekly

Restarted Gel Dosage : 5g / day

Current Dosage : .25
Biweekly

 

My first levels ever test came back a little over 900. Definitely not good. For those who don’t know target testosterone levels for me are 600-850. *2014
Being more knowledgeable now I also notice that each time I reentered therapy my levels reacted differently excluding the change in dosage. As I suspected back then; the more on the low side my levels are the more rapid my body experiences the “re-puberty”.
So setting my own standards I am putting my target T levels at 650-750. Small window but it’s my transition so I think it’s fair I set my goals and limitations.

Looking back on all the times I began HRT I think the most evolved trait due to the introduction of hormones would be hair. Not so much the end result but the actual journey. To come from a place where peach fuzz took months to come in and regrow and was so thin and light it looked like my hairs could be wiped off. To now where legit stubble arrives at just under a week and and returning sporadic dark whisker patches on the bottom of both of my cheeks. And the icing on the cake my legit stache connects to my valid chin whiskers to make a struggling goatee. None of which I could say I had before. Wont even get started on the chest , belly and back hair.

In & out. Up & down the only thing that seemed to noticeably fluctuate was my weight, fat distribution & sex drive. Still I’ve heard unstable levels over time can be a health concern. But I’m sure everyone here already knows not to follow be behind me. 🤷🏾‍♂️

Personally each time in therapy got a little easier. I understood more. I got insurance. Overcame my phobias of needles (now I just don’t like them). And best of all I’ve learned how to make hormones a priority and actually stick to some type of schedule.

Back to present day…

Same changes around the same time period as the first time in hormone replacement therapy. Maybe a little more prudent because i.e. this isn’t my first rodeo. Hair was already growing there. Fat had been redistributed before. Adam’s apple had already enlarged etc.

Nothing magical…

Wish I could have more to share but the first month is usually boring.

If my calculations are correct my first home self injection should be coming up soon so be on the look out for that.

 

Thank you to all my readers !
-Iman

Living with bipolar depression and anxiety.

 

Or should I say “battling” 🤔

Either way I have been “struggling” with this mental disorder as a child. Yes as a child 😔. Sadly this has been an ongoing battle for as long as I can remember.

It makes life difficult but not impossible…

Let me take you back as far as I can remember;

I was around 5 years old. I had recently been told I was adopted by my mother. As a bright kid I understood what that meant but also as a care free child it didn’t make much sense. I only knew one parent. My mom was my mother irregardless to anything.
Going through court appearances & learning to spell my new name was trying but it didn’t affect me that much (or so I thought).
After i turned 8 I became what was; at the time, “a rebellious child”. My mother started receiving phone calls from the school, I was misbehaving at home & just seemed to always be the one that “did it”… But to me I was just a kid.
So my mom did what most parents did for an over active hyper child in the 90s 🙄 took me to a therapist.
And just like that boom 💥 I was diagnosed with ADHD and depression. I didn’t grasp what that was at all. I knew in the mornings I had to take a pill and at lunch everyday at school I had to take my medicine.
I can’t recall feeling all that different on the antidepressants. But the meds for my attention disorder well they did a number on me. Mostly for the better because I was physically able to keep still with out feeling like I was going to explode. So I guess the did they job.
Skipping a few years into the future I’m approaching my 11 birthday and my favorite phrase and answer for everything was ” I don’t care” at first it was shrugged off my mother. However by Christmas my response to what do I want from was still “I don’t care”. Looking back at in now what i thought was just a phase was a sign to deeper mental problems that would reveal themselves later on in life. Because when the rebuttal to my phrase was “Well what do you care about?” I really didn’t have an honest answer.
So that went on for more than a year. That was my first time dealing with my depression; not knowing exactly what it was at the time. Then the following 2 years were extremely difficult. Experienced my mother having a break down at the lost of her mother, the lost and abandonment I felt during hurricane Katrina and ultimately the lost of my grandmother weakened my strength ever more so. It was during this time that I could be honest with myself that I had a problem. But I down played it a chalked it up to PTSD & not having a loving environment. I had ups and down over the next decade or so.
Fast forwarding to 23 years old when I realized that my depression can in fact be cropping. It was in this 6-8th month breakdown I had 2 suicide attempts, constantly went missing for days & wouldn’t leave the house for months at a time. That was the first time I really reached out for help, professional help. Needless to say I could have used it 4-5 years sooner, but better late than never.
Can’t say this story has a happy fairy tale ending because to this day my life is a struggle dealing with the lack of capability to control my thoughts & emotions all the time and that’s putting it nicely.
I had another breakdown that almost wound me up in psychiatric hospital at the age of 25.

My mental disorders do not define me nor what I can accomplish in life. The do make up a part of who I am but it is not the biggest nor most important part of me.

I am Strong. I am Determined. I am Resilient.

Mental disorders like bipolar depression, PTSD, anxiety, schizophrenia etc are serious issues in our community. They aren’t talked about and even less likely treated or monitored.

So if you have a friend , family or know someone that suffers from these or any mental condition or disorder please let them know you are there for them; sometimes that’s all we need.

Thanks for listening..
-Kristian Iman

Apartment Hunting!!!

It’s currently “too damn early to be up” o’clock.

And once again I am on the road 😁

This time I am heading to Ithaca, New York; to check out some apartments. I’ve been frantically trying to gather information and schedule days and times to view prospective apartments since my return from philly last weekend.

It’s about a 4hr ride from Manhattan to Ithaca; greyhound style. All I want to do right now is nap.

I was able to get some sleep last night somehow and the anxiety didn’t kick in and wake me up till about 1am …yayy

Just my luck I ended up sitting in front of two underage college strangers that want to get to know each other’s whole life story on this greyhound🙄 I don’t know what’s worse the blonde chewing her gum or this guys accent 🤦🏾‍♂️

Anyways….

Keeping my fingers crossed 🤞🏾 that hopefully I find reasonable accommodations today because I would loathe having to come back 2 & 3 times just to apartment hunt.
I learned first hand from Houston, Tx that no matter how much cash you have finding a suitable apartment can sometimes be a long winded game of chess.

The sooner I find a place the sooner I can settle in and the sooner I can begin my dream job.

Think I’ll take a nap for a little while and dream of all the good things to soon come.

Add me on Snapchat @selfmadekris

&

Follow me on Instagram @Iman.da.god

…For live videos and updates from my journey to Ithaca New York.

I’ll be back shortly !

Journey to 360s The first 14days

Day 1 August 8, 2017

Sooo,
Yea 🤷🏾‍♂️ sporadic impulsive Kris has done it yet again 🤦🏾‍♂️

Today was the big chop. I know I said I was going to wait until my birthday but no better time than the present.

Went to a lil barber shop in the duck off of Queensbridge projects. This was my second time at this particular shop and ironically I got the same barber that gave my manbun’s last lining. (R.I.P.)

Within hours of finalizing my decision I was in the barber shop picking my hair out for the last time, and before I knew it I was in the chair. Knee jerk reaction would be putting it lightly.

Just a month shy of my year mark of my last big chop….😭

Of course there is the instant regret as the barber scalps you, then there is the remorse when you stand up out the chair and finally the grieving the morning of the day after…..

 

Day 2 ✌🏾

Ahhh yes the morning after …. 🙄 Well there is no use crying over spilt milk. So after being overly dramatic and saying “I miss my hair😩” 4,389,601,725 times I seem to have gotten over it.

Now the fun part can begin; brushing. Hours and hours of tedious brushing. Cause if it’s one thing I gathered from all my intel on acquiring 360 waves the key element is BRUSHING.

So a morning routine to begin with sounds simple enough. Wake up, peel off durag, wet brush, brush session; easy enough.

Hmmm ..🤔 but what brush is best for me

I wouldn’t exactly say I’m “cheap” but I do despise purchasing a non returnable item and it ends up being wrong.

So what do we do? Test drive!

 

Day 3

This brush is too hard.

 

Day 4

This brush feels nice, but I think it’s too soft.

 

Day 5

Sigh 😔 maybe I should try a different approach. Let’s not forget it’s been almost a year since the top part of my head has got this much action. So let’s take a step back and start looking at other important hair care product necessities.

Wave grease, shampoo & condition, permanent barber… So for now let’s just leave this durag on and hope no one notices how oddly shaped my head is.

However let’s also take a moment to realize that this is a big step and a huge journey that I am about to embark on. Look past the “take your rag off” , “what’s your cut look like” , “oh you cut your manbun/ponytail” and really come to terms with the fact that this is my hair for the next 9-12 months.

 

Day 6

Had my first wash since my scalping. Felt good. However the following brush session did not. Note: Hard brush is not a recommendation during the first week.

Did a little more research on what type of marvelous hair goodies I will need for this journey. Window shopped the hair stores around the neighborhoods I most frequently visit.

Ive come up with my own little night routine. Which is actually a mixture of methods I’ve learned about and a little of what I feel is right for my hair.

I’ve decided to do a brush session followed by the “plastic bag” method then putting my rag on.
Haven’t use any products yet still letting my scalp enjoy the clean pores and fresh air.

Did approximately a total of 3 brush sessions over the course of today. As well as letting them breath for 2 hours a day. And beginning my night routine.

Starting to feel like a “Waver”.

 

Week 2

It’s officially been a week… and my mood on all this is slightly changing. I also think I’m finally over my hair 😭. Either that or I’m stoked because I’ve located my crown, or because I stuck to something an entire week.

So a lot of new things happened in the past week and I’ve learned a little. Most importantly a hard brush is not my friend. I still need to gather more information but I believe I am a “corse hair waver”. I’ve learned what some of my weak points are in my routine. And I brush my hair approximately 2hrs a day now.

Couple baby shadow waves here n there. You can see them when I brush if the lighting is good and you catch me at a certain angle. Mostly on my right side and my top prolly due to the fact that I’m right handed and that’s the areas I hit the hardest during my brush sessions. Common problem easy fix. Trying to really set my crown is more difficult then it seems. It’s like the more I brush to obtain the perfect eye the more confusion I cause 🤷🏾‍♂️. I suppose I’ll figure it out as time progresses.

It takes 14 days to build a habit; 1 week down, one to go.

 

 

Gender Cat***customer review

 

Hey hey 👋🏾

Today I am here to talk about a dick in a box and the adventure that led up to it.

I am doing a review on the Gender Cat Self-adhesive 6″ soft packer.

 

Customer Service ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Just about instant personal response to any an all questions about the company , the product & the shipping process before I even place my order. From the very beginning I felt like a valued customer and that the staff were confident in the product that the company has to offer.

Website/Navigating/Placing Order ⭐️⭐️

The website may not be the fanciest and you may find yourself looking for more links to click. But when it came to placing my online order it was as simple as a few clicks. Received all my confirmation via email once my order had been place and I felt secure in my purchase.

Shipping & Delivery ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Most packers , stp’s , prosthetics etc take forever for production to even begin not to mention some of the outrageous shipping times. Finally some who understands that no one wants to wait forever. The entire process from order to delivery was 15 days. Which could have been shorter but I took an extra few days making sure I pick the right skin tone. *Not to mention the best part the skin tone samples were free and with paid return postage. It was delivered in a digress box with all sorts of little trinkets.

Overall product satisfaction ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I got the 6inch semi hard self adhesive. The only reason why I’m not giving this product 5 stars is because I have only had my product for a few weeks and I can’t yet make a comment on the durability of it. But if I’d had to guess I would assume this dick is gonna be with me for quite some time unless I go all ratchet and clank like I normal do and hack away at it.

 

With everything being new and I’m still learning the tricks and trade to it I am very please with my product in its entirety including ordering, production and shipping.

When ordering from Gender cat once you place your order they send you over 100 skin tone samples free of charge. You pick at your leisure and send the unused samples back in the return pre postage envelope. If you cant find a skin tone that you feel is right for you let them know and they will also make your custom color.

I choose the self adhesive packer because well hey whose heard of a self adhesive packer until now ?

Don’t hesitate go check them out.

http://www.gendercat.com

Check out the review of the 6in super soft on my YouTube channel.

Travel jitters

 

Well it’s been almost a year since I last hopped a bus, train or plane & I seem to have a case of the butterflies.
Philadelphia is a place I haven’t yet been so I am overly anxious to add another notch on my belt. Also the weekend break from NYC will be much appreciated.

What better way to pass a two hour bus ride than to blog 😊.

I am traveling from New York to Philadelphia to attend my first Philly TransHealth conference. I will be going as an official representative from project Freedom Underground / Free Ky. I am also attending to meet and sit with the Creator & Owner of GenderCat. Not to mention all the information and knowledge at my fingertips while I am there.

This is the first conference I have ever attend and I am definitely feeling a mixture of emotions. But over all I’m excited and I can’t wait for the experience.

And me on Snapchat: Selfmadekris & Facebook: Iman King

Follow me on Instagram: Iman.da.god & twitter: imandagod

Don’t forget to subscribe, like, comment & share my YouTube channel. !!

First self injection in 2 years 

Yes newsflash people Kris is back in HRT and back on injections. If you’ve been here then of course you know I’m terrible with my medication. And if you’re just getting here… well, welcome to the shit show.

Recap. It’s been about 3 months since I switch from injections to the Gel. And it’s been about 6 weeks since I’ve basically dropped out of HRT.

What better time then now to get back into the swing of things, right?

It’s been sooo long since I did a self injection the anxiety I have towards needles hit me like a damn truck. But being that I was in the clinic and this was my first self injection class I had no choice but to find my balls and stick myself

After profusely sweating for about 7 mins. Several attempts at actually having the needle make contact with my skin. A handful of cuss words. And of course a few “no I don’t want to, you do it!”‘s (my nurse was the real MVP) I finally gave it all I had, the needle pierced my skin, I pushed the plunger…

And poof, just like that it was all over.

Apparently back in 2014 I skipped the viable skills I needed to learn on how to properly self inject. Not to mention the fact I was given the wrong gauge needles 🙄.

Nevertheless I came and I conquered my fear !!!

My originally dosage for the year was .5 weekly. I hated it. A shot EVERY week, nah. So now that I’ve switched physicians my new dosage is a comfortable .5 biweekly 🙌. These seems manageable for me.

So this week I will be setting up, preparing & injecting my own shot. And btw shout outs to my nurse !!!

Stay tuned for how I deal with being back in HRT with injections.