My New Favorite Movie Genre

Another daily blog post from yours truly as promised. (And on time)

If you know me personally then you know for at least a decade my favorite movie genre was scary horror/thriller films. As of last night my new favorite is survivalist movies like The Descent and The Ruins. What sealed the deal was The Jungle starring Daniel Radcliffe. I won’t spoil the ending because I truly hate spoilers. If I may implore you to go watch it if you have the time. Well worth the watch even if it’s not something you would normally be interested in.

Since I was younger I enjoyed horror films like the Chucky films , the Conjuring series and nearly all of the Haunting in ** movies. Seed of Chucky, The Conjuring 2 and Haunting in Connecticut being my favorites. Then along came 47 Meters Down and I slowly started to rethink my preferences. I can say with much conviction that I despise and don’t enjoy chick flicks or love films like The Notebook at all.

I generally also enjoy apocalyptic movies like Bird Box and A Quiet Place but now that my vision of moving off grid at some point is crystal clear survivalist type movies seem to draw me in a lot more. Of course I still enjoy jump scares so movies with those qualities as well as a man vs nature type settings move to the top of the list hands down.

Watching these types of movies also sparked the realization in me that humans are the most ill-equipted species to simply survive on this planet which years ago would have probably triggered some kind of depressive state. Like when I realized the way we house and kill mass amounts of animals like livestock such as cows, pigs, chickens and even smaller game like rabbits. Needless to say I handled that information quite poorly as I allowed myself to spiral into depression and had my first and hopefully last suicide attempts. Trying to make myself feel better about being human I went vegan for some time and started to repurpose everything almost becoming what most would call a hoarder. Slowly I pulled myself out of that and took the knowledge and instead of sulking forever evolved into the more self conscious man I am today.

It’s comforting to know that I have a skill set that would get me by for at least a little while should society as we know it crumble or I become stranded in the wilderness. Skills a bit more that just how to create fire, shelter and hunt small game. However I do intend to improve and build on those skills tremendously over the next year or so as I prepare for the disconnect from the rat race of what is “normal” life. How often do you think how helpless you would be if you couldn’t go to the store and pick food from the shelf or suddenly lost the privilege of clean running water at a moments notice? Even simple things like having shoes could dramatically alter your every day life. Scary isn’t it? Most of us go day to day with out even the thought. But let me stay on topic.

I can’t stress enough how the movie The Jungle sat with me, to the point the ending gave me chills and that heavy feeling in your stomach like your crying on the inside. At least give it a try I’m pretty sure we get pressured to watch movies just because “rotten tomatoes” gives it a million thumbs up or whatever when in reality it’s just another movie. I can remember how much they pushed Black Panther on us all. I still haven’t watched it mainly because I’m not really into DC or marvel superhero type films but mostly because I like going against the grain and as a black man it felt as if I was expected by everyone to go see it because of the all black cast. In hindsight I can recall how much Bird Box was pushed as well and I simply refused to watch it because of all the publicity. I watched it maybe 6 months to a year later and I was actually very impressed. Do y’all remember all of the “take your blindfold off” memes ha ha. So I guess don’t judge a movie by it’s box office numbers

I can’t recall the name of the movie but it was about 3 people trapped on the thingy that brings skiers to the top of the slopes, that was a very good movie as well another one of my top picks of the survivalist type movies. As of now the fore mentioned movie and The Ruins are my top 2 and I probably will rewatch them when given the chance. Oddly enough I’m not a big fan of tv shows with the same theme like Naked and Afraid. Man vs Wild with Bear Grylls was intriguing for a while but it loses me because he is basically out there with a camera crew wether they assist him or not.

At some point I will make a list of “must see” movies ifyou are like me and find the genre at all the least bit intriguing. Simply searching “survivalist films” brings up a really weird algorithm and makes it difficult to really pinpoint the good ones. Originally I thought the post would contain a lot more words but I seem to have run out of steam and I’m holding back the spoilers like a dump you need to get rid of at a carnival. No one spoiled it for me so I would like to give my readers the same opportunity. BUT if you HAVE seen The Jungle please by all means let’s talk about it at some point.

As always, thanks for reading and supporting.

-K

10/29/2020..

Title is when blog was actually written..

So it’s 2 days before all hallows eve and believe it or not but this blog is coming out of thin air. The last almost 2 months worth of blogs were prewritten quite some time ago. A little at a time and then all at once and then nothing.

Hindsight is still 20/20, check. Looking back now I can see how I manifest so many things in my blog without intentionally meaning to. No need to get into detail because as far as the regular scheduled programming you are most likely expecting some type of update or big announcement of some new project. Well returning readers have I got some news for you. And if you are a new subscriber hold on to you seats!

At this point my life feels as it was on pause. Addiction can and will really steal your time , waste and destroy your life. Looking back as I’d there was another person living my life and that couldn’t have been me. Oh but it was and it is NO LONGER. Grow and evolve. I told a lot of lives, broke a lot of promises, made a lot of regrets. So in a nutshell my blogs rolled out 3x a week on auto post while I quietly lost the battle with addiction.

I am proud to say that I did not lose the war. Tomorrow I will be an entire week clean. I changed me environment, my mindset and my goals & so far so good. Still taking it one day at a time. I have made more mistakes than I would ever wish to admit and hurt people I may never deserve complete forgiveness from. After all of that self destruction the Kris that rose from the ashes is a lot stronger and wiser, I am an author to my own story.

An update in one sentence: My bully and I now live in NYC with a support system and attend meetings regularly.

A statement I tell myself every day is “Never Give Up”.

I’ll try my best to keep the blows flowing on time maybe not the same times but still two times a week. Enjoy your weekend and follow my son on youtube

Stocks for Dummies

Hey readers, hope everyone enjoyed the holiday weekend that recently passed. Today I’m writing about something I know basically nothing about. Ok, so I wouldn’t say nothing, but I am definately not a broker or even close to a professional stock trader. I’m just a guy with a few extra dollars trying to squeeze a dollar out of a nickel. So in no way is this supposed to be trading advice or how to get into the stock market this is just me talking about my experiences.

I learned a little about stocks maybe in junior high but never paid much attention to it in my adult life. Now that I’m a year shy of the dirty 30 and the economy is basically gone to shit why not waste a dollar that’s drastically about to drop in value anyways. From what I can clearly recall the stock market is this big place where people are dressed in suits and constantly shouting “buy” “sell”. Not that I am an adult it does seem about the same. However awesome apps make it easy for even a simpleton like myself.

Given the times that we are in I wasn’t really sure what to invest in but if I can remember anything from school it’s “buy low, sell high”. I also was taught to buy realistically. With all of the things right now I’m not sure what’s realistic. But I do know what’s familiar and I do know what company’s I use on an average basis. And a lot of those companies were way outside of my budget. Next best things was to find something cheap and isn’t plummeting into the abyss with the soon to be recession. If it can happen to australia it can happen to america.

So what was my first stock? Well with only about $20 I was willing to lose in my first investment I went with what I know and what might make a turn around. I came across alot of companies that appear to be the on the rise through it all but still just above my budget cap at $80-$100ish a share. So I set my eye on the good ol wholesome company that already have proven tried and true to still be around and worth at least something. Basically if I can recall a company from the 90s and it’s still kicking even with a few dips in the market, I’ll out my faith in that. Even with a recent thumbs down from JP Morgan I went ahead and bought a few share in General Electric (GE).

So what do I do now? Nothing. You sit. You wait. You watch. And eventually you SELL. I figure with the share prices so low there’s almost a guarantee that I can make a few bucks at least. Or the bare minimum and break even. See, told you I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m trying to make my money work for me. Why have all your money in a checking account collecting dust when it could be in a savings account collecting interest. You should never leave money on the table.

Just another added part to my morning routine. Check my investments in the stock market and hopes that one day soon I’ll make a profit. There’s a few higher budget share companies if anyone is interested and want to know what I think. Again I am not a stock broker or a professional. Just a guy with a few bucks trying to make a few more. Happy fall everyone, don’t forget to stop check out the changing leaves on a tree, it’s oddly satisfying.

29 years later.

Corny title I know but here we are. I didn’t think I’d live to see 21 let alone make it this close to 30 years of life. We all can admit that 2020 has been a shittt year no matter which way you turn the Rubik’s cube. Unfortunately we are still in the year 2020 and things are still , things… So for me I am going to revamp going into another year of life even if it is only approaching the end of the worse year America has seen in quite some time. So yayyyyy happy 29th birthday to me.(soon)

So here we go with the new year (of life)resolutions and I do believe I have good ones and you’ll get to seem some of the cooler ones this week.

Instead of going in order I’m going to go by what excites me the most. And currently, because Sunday morning came alot faster than predicted; a new venture coming into my life is furry fatherhood. Yup, I’m going to be a pet dad. Yes, I am still into my fish husbandry but there’s nothing like having one of man’s best friends around. I am getting a dog. I know the ups and downs, ins and outs, pros and cons of it all as well as some really juicy spoilers. But first let me as you, “What breed do you think would be a good fit for me?”.

Next one, not excited for the journey but super excited for the results. This goal is fitness, planet fitness to be exact. Yes, yes I know the world is coming to a bitter end but that’s still not much of an excuse to take care of your physical form. With the Covid running rampant I don’t know if I’ll actually be able to get into a gym let alone feel comfortable in one. Should the opportunity arise that’s my go to gym. Until that time I have taking my exercise serious again and with the help of Yang gang fitness on Twitter I find myself running on the beach at least twice a week sometimes more.

As mentioned briefly in the first paragraph I still have updates coming from my Zen garden aquarium as well as a new aqueon tank that got set up soon than expected and stocked heavier than my budget. I don’t want to give away too much on this subject because it is a category all by itself as well as a key point branching off to other platforms. So sit tight bud, I’ll be right back with that.

Smaller things include refinding my love in alot of different hobbies I’ve enjoyed over the last decade; video games, drawing, poetry, diy’s, comedy, etc. I know I promised something that would knock your socks off Sunday morning but cut me a break here, it’s Sunday morning.🤣 In all seriousness though, I am excited for what’s coming soon and I am passed excited to get my life back on track and focused towards doing things that I wholeheartedly enjoy & of course sharing all that stuff with all of my readers.

Let’s be productive this week! Nothing beats a failure but a try.

Follow/Add me on the few platforms I still use. To stay up to date with my movement through out the week. AMOSC: Selfmadekris Twitter: MrImanKing

Making Hard Decisions

Ahh the dreaded decision.. I say that because normally any decision I have to make causes me quite a bit of stress and anxiety. Not as much as it used to, its something I have been working on recently through therapy and groups. So for normal people let’s talk about decisions that would be harder than most. For instance; leaving or starting a new job, starting a family, moving across the country or (for some) out of state, dating or breaking up with someone, who to vote for etc.

What makes these decision so hard? Most of the times for a lot of people it is the judgement from other because of the decisions. For more anxious people it can be the idea that the decision made was not the right or the best one. Some might even shy away from making a decision because of whom it could effect, those people may be slightly on the anxious side as well.

So skip to the good part, how do I make these decisions easier. Well let’s calm down and put it in a better perspective. First lets find exactly what makes these decisions so hard in the first place. Are you one who really fears the unknown? Worried if it was the right decision and what could be if you choose a different decision. Are you more concerned who may be affected by your choice? Worried that you may hurt someone you care about. No matter what or why the decision is so hard; first remember, its probably not as bad as you think it is. Think of it like brushing your teeth or combing your hair. The thing about cleaning and maintaining is its not such a big decision that you might die.

So, did that really make making hard decisions any easier? Probably not. But that’s the beauty in having hard decisions to make in the first place.

Its the weekend because of everything that is going on I am basically stuck in the house all weekend so excuse me for being totally mentally drained that I can barely come up with a 400 word post… In the meantime here is some funny video that I found on the internet looking for some comical relief in these troubling times. Hope you enjoy and try to deter cabin fever a little while longer if you can…

Daily doses of internet.

People falling. Here, here and here

And in case you haven’t heard the “Corona Virus Anthem” by Cardi B, here are some of the remixes I found online. Warning, its catchy and may get stuck in your head.

Stay safe.

Laughs & Love.

 

 

Rick and Morty Fan Theory 

The answer is mega seeds!

Rick & Morty fans this one is for you

 

Hey readers, welcome back & to the new readers I picked up just for the R&M fan-fiction, glad your here and welcome aboard. To my returning readers I know this is something a little different then normal but I am a big Rick and Morty fan so just relax and enjoy these paragraphs.

rickansmortydecal

So for the people living under a rock and all the “Jerrys” of the world; who don’t know who or what R&M is. Some people compare it to “Back 2 the Future” I personally do see very small similarities but I wouldn’t even compare the 2. It is a cartoon series mainly featured on adult swim which is basically Cartoon Network for adults.

wackycharacters

The series revolves around the wild interdimensional adventures of a Scientist (Rick) and his grandson (Morty) as his sidekick. The 2 are quite a pair with Rick’s high level of intelligence and Morty’s… well his Morty-ness. There are other semi main characters who occasionally partake in the antics like his daughter Beth, son in law Jerry, and granddaughter Summer. Also other wacky characters like Mr. Meseek, Mr. Poopybutthole and Bird Person.

smithfamily

Now I’m not going to explain the whole show in this blog, and I think its better to just watch a few episodes and come up with your own conclusion of the story line. I’m writing this blog to share some of my favorite fan fiction stories, already out there and in its second half of its 4th season trust me there are a lot of ideas about Morty’s true identity, What is R&M’s original universe, Is that Rick’s original Morty. Today are just a few of my own personal favorite ones.

Rick is Morty, Morty is Rick.

One of my favorites and I am almost 100% behind it. The ideology behind Rick actually being Morty. Now the first hole in this story comes from S1:E10, where our Rick’s mind is being downloaded and there is a memory of a baby Morty. So that would mean that Rick is his own grandfather which is pretty big twist. Being that of all the things Rick can do why would he pretends to be his moms’s father. Unless Morty felt for Beth because his grandpa walked out on her when she was very young and never returned. The only other really “god complex” example came up in S3:E3 where he did something remotely similar and turned himself into a pickle. Saying he was doing it because he could and the reason any one could would be because they can “which they can’t”. But we all know Rick just didn’t want to go to therapy with the family, which he admitted later on in the episode.

The second hole in this theory is Morty is legit retarded and Rick is clearly a super genius. So if neither of them is faking it how could the same person be hopeless as an adolescent but a universe jumping, timeline altering grandpa. The answer is MEGA SEEDS! We all know from S1:E1 that the effects of the mega seeds cause super intelligence as well as loss of body functions and that trademark drool we can often catch on Rick. That also ties this fan fiction in the the next one below.

mortywithrickdrool

There is so many other reasons why this could not be the story line but I find that one the most brain boggling. Also a few reasons why it could be true.

mortyhastoworkarder

So the next one makes sense to me because it involves the beginning credits. So I always enjoyed a cartoon that had a different intro like The Simpson from my childhood and then as an adult on American Dad. Certain shows like South Park have also showed me the importance of changing the beginning credits by season so you kind of get a feel during the title what type of theme to expect or what part of the story line this episodes belong to.

Who is Rick’s original Morty?

Fan fiction theories would say our Rick’s original Morty was the one left in a universe of giant frogs after he tripped and then failed to get into the portal soon enough. This story line would also give some soft evidence to the next theory. If this Morty didn’t die in this universe but had to struggle to survive and build a hate for Rick. So much hate that it sparks an epiphany of some sorts and bring an unusual amount of success, for a Morty. Which isn’t that uncommon for Morty or the rest of the Smith family.

rickleavesmortyinfroguniverse

In S1:E6 Morty’s original Summer, Beth and Jerry were left in an universe where Rick turned the earth into a planet of genetic mutants all madly in love with Morty.

 

Later in S3:E1 Morty goes back into the universe to show Summer how meaningless life was and we get to see the rest of the family after living a Rick-free life for some time. In the dialect we get to see exactly how much rage they have on Rick and go as far trying to kill Summer for being basically an anomaly because of Rick’s universe hopping. Trying to destroying the portal gun to prevent Morty from leaving his original universe.

Another explain of Rick-free gains is in S2:E6 , when Morty; frustrated with Rick being the asshole he is and refusing to cooperate with Zeep to get home, wanders off in the woods to go live with the tree people. With in a matter of months which was clarified in dialogue , he not only learned the language and survived but became the leader of the indigenous people of the teenyverse by the time he ran into Rick again. Which he was originally not even looking for.

Thinking again how Rick basically just left Morty in that universe of giant frogs and we have heard Rick say that our Morty is not his original Morty and how easy it is to just find a new one from a new universe(as he did with the whole family at least once) and thus the fan fiction spirals out of control because that leaves us with the question unanswered in a sense. Since we still aren’t sure where that Morty is now and if he is even alive. Could he be Rick’s original Morty?

Who is Evil Morty, Where is his original Rick & why does he hate all Ricks so much?

Continuing with the information given in the few paragraphs above, if that Morty is still alive he is NOW what we know as Evil Morty. A lot fits into theory if you ask me. We aren’t sure where the Morty from that beginning credits went but if he survived it does seem pretty likely that he could be Evil Morty. In S1:E10 he composed an pretty elaborate plan to not only frame our Rick but also make it seem like one Rick was setting up another. Still no one on the other side of the 4th wall knows that it was really a Morty controlling the Rick that was framing our Rick.

evilmortyafterelection

That same Morty; presumably Evil Morty, went on later in S3:E7 to run for president of the Citadel. I don’t think an average Morty would ever be able to complete such schemes. But a Rick-free Morty with a clear goal of “Rick Must Die”.. now that seems highly believable.

“I feel like trying to figure out Rick and Morty’s true plot or story line is like the better half of a bad acid trip.”

Of course all these fan fiction theories I have brought to you pretty much cancel each other out and leave all questions still unanswered like the age old question: “Which came first the Chicken or the egg”. That is really the best thing about FF and having a great series like Rick and Morty that leaves so much unanswered so theories can be created, rebuttal and refuted all while still enjoying the show and understanding it enough to follow it. With the extremely long break in between episodes I expect nothing less.

Still waiting on the rest of season 4, we’ve been waiting for months now. -___- And we will continue to wait because we are already so deep in, broh.

toxicrick

I hope you enjoyed this blog. Might do a season on my podcast dedicated to Rick and Morty because if you are a fan of the show then you know that discussing fan fiction could go on and on, trust me I’ve done it with friends after a couple blunts. Feel free to let me know some of your favorite fan fiction theories and poke some more holes in the ones I have up here in this blog.

As always, thank you for stopping by and I see you all back here next time.

 

Zodiac Signs I Rather NOT Date.. and why

Well I know its Valentine’s Day but c’mon not everything is red roses and heart shaped chocolates all the time so I figure why not tell the real about some past “valentine’s”. As the title says this is going to be some of the top zodiac traits(if you believe in that stuff) I don’t believe I mesh well with in a serious relationship, or if I did it wouldn’t be without putting in extra effort. This is not meant to offend any particular persons.

Gemini. Libra. Sagittarius. Taurus.

Let’s start it off with a bang. The number one sign I will never date again is Geminis. I found out that myself and Geminis don’t mix years ago. We always seem to clash for so many reasons. The main reason I found was their stubbornness and self centered-ness. We are know how they are like night and day, hot and cold. Two bipolar people don’t belong in the same room let alone in the same relationship. To end on a positive note I can say 66% of them were honest.

The next sign is the Sags now I’ve only dealt with a few but from what I gathereed they cannot tell the truth to save their own skin and will lie to the bitter end to protect the original lie. Not to mention how manipulative and conniving they be for apparently no good reason. I know that judgement might sound harsh but for my experience that is my story. Positive note… I guess most of them are attractive.

Moving on to the Taurus. Personally I don’t have a whole lot of issues with them. It’s really because of the strongheaded-ness accompanied by the lack of being able to understand any idea that isn’t theirs. A little too strong willing with out empathy is just too much for my already headheaded and yet sensitive empathetic nature. Positive note I think looking passed my current emotional level and giving myself some room to grow I believe the judgement could change.

I  saved the best for last. Libra. They are almost as wishy washy as the 2 faced Gemin but they seem to make you think they have good reasoning behind the swaying of their emotions and feelings. Hurt them and they will hurt you 10x worse. Also, they seem to be unacceptable of seeing past others flaws and are almost as paranoid as me. I really didn’t want to put them on the list. I found out in the long run if the type of relationship is chosen wisely it can be healthy and last a long time.

I am in no way a professor of the zodiac signs and it was not my intention to single out any one person or sign, just as the title says. These were my only personal experiences.

And also if you got butt hurt well shit you read the blog so… yeah *Shrugs

happy human holiday!

Minor Setback, Major Comeback

Ah, hello readers back at it again on this gorgeous humpday, unfortunately there isn’t much to be happy and humpy about today. Minus that I’ve been productive for most of the morning and made a pretty cool closed terrarium. This is going to be a good read but not a good read. This middle of the week blog is a little more personal on the negative aspects of life. Considering the current topics I’ve been writing about like my hair journey, eating and fitness changes and goals and my change in living situation. I normally try to avoid negative personal issues for the most part because I know everyone has their own drama and hardships why should I blast my problems across the internet which is already filled with so much useless negative crap about other people’s life.

Anyways, sad news I guess, its been about 3 weeks since I’ve left my previous job, had any type of spendable cash and filled for unemployment. I still don’t yet have a job. For some reason I have been denied unemployment. But its not that hard to not spend cash, especially if you don’t have any. I can’t quite establish what type of work I want to do now. My first career choice was being a chef. I did that for almost a decade. More recently I decided to get off of my feet and out of a kitchen and I started working at a desk job inside of a choice.

Can’t say I was miserable in that career field but that job site was sub par to say the least. So again I am offered the choice to try a different career or stay the course and try a different company. Right now I seem to be at an road block so no moves are being made just yet. If I’ve learned anything in the pass 8 months (and 4 jobs) when it comes to employment it is better to not rush at the first job you’re offered. A job is a pretty serious commitment after all. I’d rather be stuck in a bad job than a bad relationship. At least the shitty job gets the bills paid.

I’m not a debbie downer and I’m trying to be more optimistic in 2020. Currently none of my bills are past due, and I am eating well so there is no need to panic, yet. I should hear back from a prospective job soon.

Staying focused and staying positive. See everyone here bright eyed and bushy tailed again on Friday morning.

From last week to now

So this week has been slightly rough for me. A lot of life changes have been going on for me. Mostly mental changes; but of course it also effects outwardly in physical manifest. We last left off earlier in the week (or last weekend *about 14days ago actually) with me really addressing some of my mental issues from the present and the past and trying to proactively move towards a happier and healthier future.

Baby steps, tiny tiny baby steps…

I’ve made a little progress in my steps toward the right direction. My insurance among other things has prevented me from starting at certain mental health facilities that I was previously interested in going to. I haven’t let that stop my momentum towards my end goal of “seeking professional help”. I’ve adjusted my work schedule so I can attend weekly groups for my mental health and I feel pretty good about it.

I’ve made a few changes to my daily routine(actually didn’t have much of a routine just kinda did things when I felt like it). Including taking some time at least once a day to do important self care things like stretching and quiet time. And putting things like, oral care, hair care, cleaning and exercising on more of a rigid daily schedule to avoid slacking and procrastination.

Little things that most people do on a daily basis in a timely fashion with out even thinking about it but for me small joys and little personal victories that I haven’t really participated in quite some time does the brain good. Even setting some time aside for more weekly instead of daily task  like vacuuming, laundry, long beach walks etc has giving me motivation I seem to had been lacking in the past.

I’ve decided to limit my ideal time and impulse buying and try to persuade myself to do more productive things in my down time and I do see the positive outcome and outlook of keeping busy and staying focused. Its been a while since I enjoyed private victories (even if its just washing the dishes before bed) and that is something I’ve found is an important part of self care.

So the weekend is ..over

Hello readers, I know I promise that I would have insightful blog posts for the month of January. Extremely interesting and good reads since I am pulling back from blogging everyday to posting on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Unfortunately it appears that this blog will be random thoughts of yours truly. I really do apologize for the sporadic unrelated subject in this blog. I will do best to make this one worth reading for what it is.

I’ve given some thought and consideration that I may suffer from PPD (paranoid personality disorder) among varies other disorders I most likely suffer from. Over that last half decade I have noticed I have become increasingly anti social and more paranoid to human beings and all their intentions. I originally thought it was simply me getting older and experiences exactly how distrusting and dishonest humans can be.

However it was recently brought to my attention that I might be suffering from PPD, since it does sometime appear that my paranoia is or has no valid point against a particular person or situation. Of course, I am not one to self diagnose myself especially after being “diagnosed” with so many disorders as a child and preteen (PTSD, BPDII etc) but I do plan on doing more research.

As for other personal issues I have been giving increasingly more thought to: I have in the last decade stuck firm to my spiritual beliefs rather than religious one. If you’ve been on this blog for at least 2 years than you a fully aware of my struggle. And that I did in fact do some research on other more spiritual beliefs. I sought out some Muslims to discuss some of my considerations of course that was a dead end for me. More recently I have shown a little more interest in become Buddist.. but that could go either way. I do believe every life form is important and deserves to live… except humans. And I honestly don’t believe that is going to change, like ever.