Social anxiety/trust issues + Personal Relationships = ???

Excellent question..

To this very day still solving this equation. Here’s what I’ve found so far.

My social aniexty and my distrust in people go hand in hand. My trust issues cause out of place and what some would call outrageous thinking especially in social interactions and relationships. My thought process on how to deal with and understand other people and how they interact was skewed a long time ago.

…like a glass plate once it’s broken, even if you gather all the peices; it will never be the same.

It is a daily struggle and an ongoing battle for me personally but I have learned that not everyone is out to get me. For the most part. I still think unrealistic pessimistic outcomes in certain social interactions. But not as much as I have in the past.

One of my coping methods that seem to be working is thinking, “What’s the worst that could happen?”. It sounds like thinking like that would actually increase my aniexty. On the contrary it helps. I am an over-thinker, can’t really change that and working on the way I think is still being, well; worked on. So no matter how outrageous and non-likely whatever crazy outcomes my aniexty cause me to come up with I let them play out in my head.

Most of the time these thoughts are so farfetched I end up laughing at myself and realizing how ridiculous I am. Some more realistic thoughts however do require some soul searching. For example: a lot of times I find myself stressing about what people’s intentions are with me. So I map out exactly what’s the worst that could happen if they are in fact out to hurt me in some way. I pretty confident in my ability to protect myself both physical and mentally. So instead of just wondering I prepare. 

The downside to this is it takes a lot of brain power to manifest these thoughts without hurling myself into some kind of depression. I would compare it someone being scared of a rollercoaster. They watching rare videos of people in rollercoaster accidents. Then look up exactly how rollercoasters work, how to spot defects and faults on the tracks; fully understanding the end and outs of the coaster and mapping out all the possibilities that could actually happen should they decided to get on that ride.

“Now that I’m actually writing this… You know what, this will probably only work for my weirdness.”

So technically I’m still working on the answer to the equations above…. 

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What’s Iman’s religious beliefs?

Sure,  for those who don’t know; let’s change that. 

So I was baptized and raised in a Catholic home. Went to Catholic School. Catholic Church. Bible study. First Communion. Catechism. The whole sha-bang. 

Even at a young age, 7ish ;I wasn’t really “sold” on the whole ideology of Christianity and Jesus Christ. So I began to question it, but only to myself. Up until about age 11 I still blessed my food, and said my prayers when instructed but other than that I just wasn’t with it.

After the devastation my family, my city and my self felt from the wrath of the the flood waters following hurricane Katrina; on top of losing my grandmother my faith in “God” was completely gone. After praying and praying that she would be found safe and alive then one day after school being told she was found dead in her home I started to hate “God” and just about everything Christianity stood for. I soon found it was easier to dismiss that “God” really exsisted instead of having so much hate toward someone I wasn’t even sure was real in the first place. 

Between ages 15-17 I had dismissed any religious beliefs that were taught to me but it wasn’t until about age 22 when I had the urge to seek out something to believe or have faith in. Around this time now being an adult I was free to explore different religions and soon found myself at a Muslim errr umm.. church (pretty sure that’s the wrong word, sorry) I didn’t agree with all of their views and eventually we hit an ice breaker. 

Any type of organized religion,.. religion, period isn’t really for me.”

So I decided to revisit an bootleg DVD a found at my mother’s house titled “The Secret” and gave the ideology of the law of attraction a second thought. So it was this time; around 2013 that I labeled myself a spiritual person instead of a religious one.
And so well that’s where I’ve been since. I don’t knock anyone’s religion. I just rather just chill.

You either are a good person or you aren’t, ya know; and I try to be a good person.”

So now everyone knows 😊.

Smoke and be happy