It doesn’t matter if it was a personal, work or social relationship when these end; not necessarily fail but simply end ,we should we stop and re-evaluate. What we want in all relationships. Who we want to be in these relationships. What are we are really searching for, what do we genuinely have to offer. The saying the quickest way to get over someone or something is to get under someone else or get something new. That is probably the most toxic thing I have ever heard. It doesn’t help you or your rebound, or your rebound’s rebound.
As humans it is very natural and in our genetics to be reactive to things. Something happens, we react to it; we adjust and change if necessary to cope or survive. So that includes when we get in some sort of relationship with another person we become reactive to that person and the dynamics of the relationship. Over a period of time how we react to certain scenarios in a specific relationship can pour over into other areas of our lives and even other relationships. Which can be very problematic if it is not adjusted because not every relationship or person is the same, reacting the same way is not always best or healthiest.
“I know the difference between someone’s pet German Shepard and a police K-9 dog & I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t react the same way with both of them.”
So it would normally make sense to re-evaluate yourself and the relationship periodically, right? Well in this now normally fast paced world that seems to takes a little too long for most. Also most people don’t even realize they are doing it and that it is most likely the main reason why there is so much turmoil in their relationships.
The hardest relationship is a healthy one after a toxic one
Imagine forming a relationship with coworkers where you have to yell to get your point across, constantly on an everyday basis. It maybe toxic and negative but it works for this relationship in this dynamic at that time. Should you move up in the company and now your immediate coworkers have changed you can’t continue treating your relationship with your coworkers as you did before. A bit of a stretch you might think. Remember when you had that new general manager, one that transferred from another store. The new GM expected everyone to be as OCD as they may have been at their previous store. The relationship they had over there allowed them to be over bearing with their ideas to the subordinates. Handling the work relationship the same here would most likely very detrimental to supervisor/subordinate relationships, maybe things that could not be undone.
Still some what of a specific example but I want to clarify that this blog isn’t singling out romantic relationships as one may originally think by reading the title and also maybe just reflecting on their own lives. If your not married and haven’t been a serious committed relationship that may have been your first thought as well. Who ever or what ever side of the spectrum you fall under; I implore you to think deeper to all relationships, even the one you share with yourself.
“Oh trust me, I’m bout to help you think deeper.”
In case you’re thinking “a relationship with myself” ? How do I re-evaluate that? When? So for instance think about big life changes where you may have had to make a decision or adjust you thinking to align with your life goals which may have changed. Like High school graduation. You most likely didn’t feel much like an adult and slow but surely your focus will shift from what you are going to where to functions to who do I want to express myself as, who do I want to be as an adult. Or go back further to the first time you can remember an adult asked you what you wanted to be when you grow up. Some people may have had a dream that was realistic then and is pretty much still attainable to date. You definitely had to adjust your way of think from then till now to make those dream come true. You could barely tie your shoes back then let alone knew the first step to reaching your goal career, home, family etc.
As you grow and get older your relationship with yourself grows and changes because you learn more about your self. What you like and what you don’t. What works for you and what doesn’t. So you don’t treat yourself the same and don’t to shouldn’t put yourself in situations that you don’t like i.e.; bad for the relationship you have with your self, similar to self care. It can be as simple as what you like to drink or as complex as what commute you take to get to work. From what colors do you look best in to what kind of partner you want to spend your life with.
But lets not’s skip the part everyone is really waiting for. Close personal, romantic relationship. I hope by now you get where I’m going with this and how important it is to re-evaluate before, during and after. Wayment… During? Yes, during as well. Even if the dynamics may not have changed in the relationship with someone else your relationship with yourself may have grown. If you don’t treat yourself right how can expect anyone else to. Some things that you may have allowed you might not want to put up with anymore(inside your own personal relationship with yourself) and if you don’t make that known in other relationships you are going to have to deal with the same paradigm.
People compromise in relationships; all relationships, at some point in time. Compromise or change long enough its only natural.. that it could become natural. Tee hee. But seriously. The change becomes a habit, lucky enough for people habits can be broken. Of course we change the obvious things when we get a new partner. At face value everyone is different. I’m talking about the deeper things. Of course in the new relationship birth dates are different. Favorite colors. Sizes. Allergies. On the surface things.
Things you would typically ask on a first date. There are more important things you should be asking to make sure you can re-evaluate how to handle this relationship. How do you communicate? Is it it normal to handle communication calmly? How do you like to be loved? Is being showered with expensive gifts? Or remembering the story you told me about how you first learned how to ride a bike? Some things that’s a waste unless you are going to pursue that relationship. That’s not healthy at all because since you didn’t re-evaluate because you don’t have the information to even put in the evaluation. Of course there is questions that you don’t have to worry if you just aren’t going to bring the friendship relationship to a romantic one. Like sexual activities, quirks etc. That’s just common sense. I don’t know all of my best friend’s sexual tendencies(gross lol) because that does not effect our relationship as friends and that information would not help or hurt my re-evaluation of that relationship at any point.
Anyways..
These things are really in the long run are what you build relationships on and the foundation, in a sense. If you don’t at least know these things, even if you don’t agree with them, make the foundation sturdy. Both parties in the relationship know where the other stands. Very important. Don’t ya think?
I think you get it now, but you already knew that right? Take this time to re-evaluate if you haven’t.
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