I am a sensitive little b*tch..

No seriously…

Since I’ve transitioned and started living my truth I’ve allowed myself to really become in tune with my emotions and my feelings. Either that or I transformed into a sensitive little bitch πŸ™„πŸ˜‚

Being that I honestly don’t give a shit about what anybody thinks and having self awareness. Yes, I am more sensitive since I’ve transitioned.

It came on gradually after the initial breakdown my very first time in therapy but over time I noticed the shift little by little. I still have my dark humor but certain commercials or scenarios on TV had my eye all swelly and watery. And I don’t mean those deep ASPCA commercials with Sarah McLachlan singing in the background with close ups of helpless abused animals. But regular paper towel kid helps dad clean up mess , gives big hug and BOOM !; here come the water works. Then it got to the point where I would randomly think of a happy memory give a little chuckle and all of a sudden I have happy tears on my sleeve. When people tell me something that a normal person would just go “aww” and go about their day I’m clairvoyantly in a pile of empathetic borrowed emotions on the floor.

Not once was I like “Men Don’t Cry.”

But I applauded myself for letting my guards down and for once in my adult life truely allowing myself to feel. Feel everything. Not just happy and sad but a wide range of emotions.

So eh, if I’m a sensitive little bitch so be it …

Advertisements

90 days in Dryden.

It seems like so much longer than that…

Only because I’ve done so much since September. Several trips to NYC, a few trips to Philly, a road trip to Vermont & solemn return home. Conferences, marches, birthdays, funerals, vacations, just becauses. My travels over the last 3 months were strenuous, interesting, enjoyable and even heartbreaking.

I’ve had ups and downs. Ha ha’s and oh shit’s. But still the end of 2017 was better than the beginning of it and for that I am totally grateful. 

My 360 wave journey has been a rough one but as it should be I hate dealing with my hair. I wanted to get a little more in shape and bulk up a little but… holidays 🀦. In good news in these few months I’ve got to try something amazing products and I can’t wait to see what type of Christmas goodies I get.

I didn’t think I would like this small village… Jury is still out, but I don’t hate it.

Here’s to new beginnings πŸ’―πŸ’―

The secret to my facial hair growth. v2.0

I’VE DONE IT!!!!!

I FOUND THE KEY TO GROWING FACIAL HAIR….

Sorry if you don’t smoke marijuana.. this maybe out of your reach unless you have pothead friends🀘😎

Yes. The key is weed.

As we all should know, marijuana has several helpful uses. Treating diseases like cancer. Helping mental disorders like anxiety. Improving appetite and cognitive function.

A Tbro of mine hipped me to the secret last year… I’m pretty gullible for old wives remedies and natural herbs for ailments. And of course it was always on hand with me 😎 especially at the time.

“Weed ashes bro.”

“Weed ashes bro?”

And that’s how it all began….

I originally started randomly ashing the blunt in my hand and rubbing on my chin. Didn’t really think too much of it and any new whiskers I came across I chalked it up to being remotely still somewhat in therapy. But as the months progressed and I again found myself weaned out of therapy the gains were still apparent, and still happening. So then I started to put more thought into.

Fast forwarding to a few months ago when I moved into my apartment (by this time I am convinced the ashes do help stimulate hair growth), from the first blunt I smoked in my house to this very day I have been ashing my blunts,joints, bowls etc into a small container. I knew that I would eventually find a way to combine the ashes with other natural products in hope to create my own beard oil/cream.

Almost to current time now..

About 6 weeks ago I ran across a unique concoction of natural oils that help facial hair growth AND that also didn’t smell like ass. So of course now I have to figure out how I was going to mix the ash and the oils & how I planned to apply it to my face.

4 weeks ago at the beginning of “No Shave November” I said fuck it and just went for it. At this point I have been out of therapy for just about 2 months. Also attended my Aunt’s funeral the first week of November so I was clean shaven to my normal stache and struggling goatee. 

Soo with all of the variables going in to the month of November compared to the gains documented during December I believe it’s safe to say; “By George! I think he’s got it!”

So with the confidence that I now I have in all this January will be my official documents of the gains from my “not officially named yet” beard oil. 😎

Never too old to discover your hidden talent. That’s why its called “hidden” talent.

-Iman

Steven Romeo ** Solidarity Soaps & Candles

A small natural & essential oils, all handmade soap and candle business located in Nashville, Tennessee.

Mr. Romeo partnered with Mr Aydian Dowling, president of the Point of Pride organization and donated 50% of sales on select soaps and candles.

Now about his awesome product…

I got the transpride flag color 4oz candle, naturally. I’m still on the first layer (pink), I burn it a few hours each day. I’m a VERY heavy smoker and the candle neutralizes the smoke very well.

There’s not a whole lot of things I can say about this product… It’s a candle πŸ•―οΈπŸ˜ŽπŸ€˜. I am very pleased with it. 

But the owner Steven is good with customer service and his team even included a handwritten thank you note with my order, which was a nice personal touch. I was slightly worried about it breaking in the mail but it was packaged great and made it to me in 2-5 business day in one piece.

Definitely pick me up another candle in the future and maybe try my luck at a bar of soap.

iAMi **FTM Beard Shop

Before I even talk about this product I have to say I loved loved loved it!!!!

So I opted for the full beard kit. Which includes beard shampoo & conditioner, beard butter & oil. I choose the beard kit because I’m over excited to graduate from baby beard & everything looks so awesome I couldn’t just try one product.

All of his products are homemade with natural oils & products. Plus he also offers several different style tshirts and even has transpride socks.

Package arrived within 2-3 business days if I’m not mistaken it was over the Thanksgiving break for me so I was out of town. But the owner did contact me to see if I had received my order. He was also in touch through my order to answer any questions I had.

When I got my beard kit everything smelled so natural and herbal & everything was clearly and cooly labeled I could barely wait to try it. 

The beard wash I ordered came in a small deodarant like container which was awesome to me so I didn’t have to worry about getting my beard so dirty since… Ya know.. I put it on my face. The natural ingredients had my face and baby beard all tingly suds well and it left my face squeaky clean.

The container needs a gentle shake as some of the oil settles during shipping but again it feels great and it leaves my face and facial hair feeling soft after letting it set for a few minutes as per instructions in the kit.

I use the beard butter before I go to sleep. I noticed after the first few days my baby goatee wasn’t dry or itchy even after a touch up at the barber. Also I felt as if my hair had became healthy and stronger.

I use the beard oil in the mornings or when I’m going to be out and about. Not really a particular reason other than it has a stronger smell than the butter and because I don’t want to wear oil to bed.

Its only been 2 weeks but I definitely give this product 🌟 🌟 🌟🌟🌟. From the time of order to delivery and even after when I had a few follow up questions I received excellent service and I can’t wait till my next purchase.

Buy yours beard kit and a ton of other products here:  

https://www.etsy.com/shop/iAMiBeardAndBodyShop
And don’t forget to use my official promo code #iamiman

A year of houselessness..

 ’16-’17 was a tough yearπŸ™„

From being dead broke recently divorced and packing up what little life I had left and blindly moving to New York…

To battling homelessness, heartbreak, extreme social anxiety & a complete fear and paranoia that everyone was out to destroy me…

And finally relocating to a small town, starting a career at a job I love, being financially stable and falling in love…

From the end of 2016 to a year later in ending in late 2017 life seemed to throw just about every curve ball possible at me. 

It started going downhill in Spring of 2016 as I struggled to understand my transition and where I wanted my new life to go I watched my marriage fall apart and what I that was my life explode. Not to mention the affair and jail time the year prior still causing me an extreme amount of stress.

Between my confusion in my transition and basically having my life turned upside down I began wanting to run. Run away from my problems. Run away from my mistakes. Run away from myself. So I did. I started running, or at least trying. 

Found myself leaving my home renting a room in a area of town where know  one knew my name, closing off from the world, barely even seen by my roommates but I didn’t seem to be escaping from what ever I was running from. So I ran farther. I ended up it Texas. Houston I believe. Paying weekly in hotel rooms, doing temp work, doing an assortment of drugs & trying to forget who I was/I am.

Eventually I ran out of money and mental strength to deal with people. By this time I believe I started to slip into depression. I still felt my demons on my shoulders, like I hadn’t ran at all. So I figure if I’m going to be broke, homeless and depressed I might as well go back to where it all started. Plus Texas is fucking stupid.

So somehow up I ended back in New Orleans, Metairie to be technical. A young broken man on the verge of a self destructive path. Fortunately I was taken in by my gay mother that had adopted me a few years prior. She tried her best to help me stand but mentally I was a complete fucking mess. And seemed like the more she tried to help the more it reminded me that my life used to be so great and it was completely falling apart all around me and there was nothing I could do about it only made me worse.

I went from being at depression’s doorstep to being hurled through the front door. Shit was bad. I mean like REALLY bad. Almost ended up in a psych hospital..

*Takes bong rip

Reaching my breaking point and still wanting to run away from it all, when the opportunity came for me to be able to run away 13000 miles away I took it.

Packed what I had left which ended up being a army duffle bag and 2 book bags and headed to the Greyhound station. I had no money in my pockets but I know if I didn’t do this and let my soul fly I would never get better & I might never figure out what I wanted to be in life.

“…But Son, what makes you happy?..”

You can read my blogs from my 26hr Greyhound bus trip from New Orleans to New York in my “Road Trip” section of my blog. 😊

Of course with no money in my pockets and not knowing anyone in NYC I ended up in the shelter system for the first few months and then renting rooms and eventually back in the shelter system. Seemed like everything was still going wrong. Getting lost. Being Robbed. Freezing temperatures. Injured at work. Losing my wallet. Getting played. 

But I felt like I had some how found what I was running to. I thought I was running FROM my problems but I was actually running to my life. My new life. The life my soul was searching for. Even with all the shitty stuff that was still happening I was happy. I felt like I made a decision that made me happy. Of course it wasn’t all shits and giggles and sparkles at first or for the first 6 months. There was times I wanted to give up but I refuse to just go home where I had found what I almost died searching for. So I stuck it out and eventually….

Well, eventually…😎

R.I.P. 360 waves

It is with a heavy heart I write this

😭😭😭😭😭😭

I don’t know how this happened… 

Well yea I do actually. I was bored so I started fucking with my hair. Fail attempted to bleach my hair with baking soda and perioxide.πŸ™„πŸ€£

Yes I could have just went got hair bleach… But it was more fun to “Do-It-Myself” which didn’t work and failed miserably. It only successfully made my scalp to tender to comb , brush or scratch.

Anyways back to the MURDER at hand. I originally assumed no big deal my waves have bounce back from plenty. My wolf is just starting to really settle in. But I knew I fucked up when I realized I didn’t bring a hard brush…. And I couldn’t find a comb in the house. (Out of town of course)

Still I just knew my waves was going be ok. Even after the damage from this makeshift hair bleach on top of not having any real shampoo in the house (again not at home). I think if I had brushed, even with a soft brush, after that wild wash my waves would still be here.

Once my hair dried the damage was done the fate of the 360 seemed to be sealed… I found a comb about 2 hours later.. but it was no help.

I even rush bought this shitty medium hard brush…. It helped the rotting corpse of what used to be deep 360 waves.. but … I’m sorry everyone… They are gone now…

I will seek help from the elders.. but this may be the end of this journey

My first holiday miracleΒ 

Yes I don’t really do holidays… Nor am I a Christian.. but, I do know around holiday time (November – December) most humans tend to get “jolly”; the holiday spirit if you will.

A few days after Thanksgiving. Also marking the 1 year mark from the first time I stepped foot on NYC soil… Err, um concrete.

So typical travel dysfunctional morning Iman type of Tuesday. Over sleeps, forgets to purchase ticket, gets lost in subway, can’t find gate etc.

This morning trying return home was as always planned out relatively easy and every goal seemed to be accomplishable. Nope. Of course not. Too easy.

One of my biggest pet peeves of traveling is waking up TOO early. Too early to get ready but too late to get comfy and fall back into a deep sleep. And of course this was the morning my brain and bladder picked to work in unison at an attempt to wake me up on the wrong side of the bed.

I combat both with pissing and pot. Ha ha. Made sure everything was packed and curled up back under my woman. Between the now relief of an empty bladder, the buzz of the bud and the warmth of my partner I found myself fighting a deep sleep quite a few times to say I was only laying down for an hour.

This particular bank card is known to give me headaches but today I was already prepared, or so I thought. Noted now, you probably shouldnt purchase a prepaid debit card with the expectation of being able to use it within the same hour πŸ™„. Rookie mistake. 

The nice people at Duane Read tried their best to get the inefficient card I have been struggling with for almost 3 months now to work. They even had to work some magic even involving a second register to get the card that I now have but probably still can’t use for the the next hour or so. Still, when I walked out the door I felt confident that everything was going to be alright.

Normally I know exactly where to find my gate since I have found my preferred provider for transportation back and forth from Ithaca to NYC. Oh yea but today I’m already off my game. I believe it took me 30-40 minutes to find my gate location. About halfway there I panicked when I realized that the card that I just put all of my cash on can’t be used for online purchases for 2 hours after reload. Or I’m assuming that’s why it wasn’t working. (Cause it works fine now just ordered from Solidarity Soaps)

So I’m in front of my departure gate frantically trying to re-re-re enter all this card information and time is ticking. It’s not looking good. “Error”, “Opps looks like we’re having trouble”, “try using a different card”. Now it’s 10 minutes till departure so I’m calling my boss to tell him there’s an issue, calling my friend to see if he can order my ticket, texting my woman to see if she’s still up. Just a freaking mess. 

The last person in lines goes through the gate so I approach the bus driver (mom’s always said the worse someone could do when you ask them a question is to say no). I explain to him my situation, or at least the relevant parts. My friend calls back “no dice man, tickets aren’t up anymore”. 
And then a holiday miracle happens… 
What’s understood doesn’t have to be explained. But I will say this next time you want to cuss out the employee because the don’t want to give you extra sauce, or angry with the cashier who won’t let you “slide with the 50Β’” , try to remember that is that individuals job, livelihood, income & the way the support themselves and their family. Don’t get upset because they didn’t want to risk it all for you… Just be grateful when you cross paths with an innocent soul who will…
-Iman

Thanks Guy πŸ˜ŽπŸ€—πŸ˜Š

Jaydn Moss ** Commission Art Review

Hey guys, gals & everything in between 😊

Today I’m going to talk a little about the ask guy that did the commission art for my logo that was on the “November fan appreciation giveaway” tshirts.

First off I love my logo 😍 and for all those that won a Tshirt I hope you do too.

I originally heard of Mr Moss’ art work from an Awesome Trans writer by the name Elliot Deline. I was pleased with the art as well as the commission prices.

After reaching out to Jaydn I found that he is very professional and understanding as well as a talented artist. He was in constant contact with me and worked closely with me to get the art just right. 

Jaydn Moss is also a fellow YouTuber and participates in awesome giveaways such as binders and commission arts for free. 

Visit his artist page on Instagram:
http://www.instagram.com/jayscommissions

Check him out on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/JaysJourney

Thanks again JaydnπŸ˜‡

360waves, 12 weeks

Progress report. 

C’mon, you should know me by now.

Sooooooo , I have been slacking in the waves department due to work & traveling. Not to mention leaving important items such as durags, brushes & waves grease all over the United States while traveling πŸ™„

Anyways, every second is a second chance.

So it’s been almost 3 months since the big chop and the start of this amazing journey. Here I am 3 months and several hours of brushing later. 😎 I think I am doing pretty good.

Most recently trying to get back in track I’ve been using 3 different methods to try and continue making gains.

Connection Training.
I mixed 2 methods I picked up from fellow YouTubers. Click here: https://youtu.be/M36n07QXoRA to watch a video about my plastic bag/connection training.

COMPLETE brush sessions
Yes. COMPLETE brush sessions. Meaning 30 continuous minutes of brushing with different texture brushes. 10 minutes with a hard brush. 10 minutes with a medium brush. 10 minutes with a soft. At least twice a day, usually once after peel back in the morning and before the durag at night.

Combing my waves.
This method is somewhat still new to me and honestly I need to work on it to perfect it. But this method is helpful for weak sides, missed connections and stretching tight waves for corse hair wavers. This method is best during 4+ weeks into a wolf. The more growth the better. Combing against the grain then combing with the grain followed by a hard brush session. Seems simple, but I have did some damage the first few attempts. I personally do NOT recommend this method for novice or beginner wavers.

I still have a lot of gains to achieve and several hours of repair brushing sessions because I’m lazy and forgetful. But still spinning my guy.

Stay wavey , brushers.
-Iman