Let’s talk RELATIONSHIPS *#What’sUpIman

Hey readers, welcome back; today we a pulling a question out of the #WHATSUPIMAN hat !

So the original question pulled was:

“Are you in a relationship/ Which gender(s) do you date?”

Yup, so some readers who know me personally already know the answer to this question but for those who don’t know.. ..

What’s up Iman !?!

A few years ago at the very beginning of my transition I began to internally question my sexuality since I myself had recently become “the grey area” ;so to speak. At the time I was married to a onegender woman. Which had already made unrelated comments about how she felt about transrelationships & transgender people being interested in the same sex. I had also assumed that I was going to be with that person for the rest of my life so I figure it didn’t really matter what gender I was attracted to, I was already married and off the market.

Yes at the time I was somewhat in denial or just didn’t want to face the fact that I had become curious in relationships not only out of the cisgender heteronormative spectrum but also outside of the homosexual normative (apparently). 

I was always “bicurious” but I quickly realized that being transgender that umbrella in itself didn’t quite fit in the rap sheet…

As my marriage came to an end I was free to explore my sexuality and then I came across the term “pansexual”. Of course I’m not big on labels, but being pansexual seemed about as labeless as I was going to find. Not long after my discovery I started completely living in my truth; not just a transman but a pansexual.

For those who don’t know the definition of pansexual in laymen’s terms: I am attracted to any and all human genders. Male, female, transfemale, transmale, GNC etc.

I am still growing and coming in to myself so there’s is much more to learn about my self and my attractions.

I am currently in a relationship with a transwoman, we have been dating for about 7 months now and I must admit this is the most understanding relationship I have been in since/regarding my transition. I personally find onegender women don’t really get me like transwomen. 

*****

My advice for “dating while trans” , is to first make sure you are comfortable enough with yourself before you try and date anyone regardless of gender. Dating and maintaining a relationship is hard enough. Adding mood swings, dysphoria, searching for validation, surgeries, etc will only add on to the stress of making even the easiest relationship work.

If you are not yet comfortable with yourself, your body or where you are at in your transition how can you expect to be comfortable enough to be with someone else?

If you have any further questions about my sexuality or ftm/mtf relationship feel free to ask & I’ll make sure to cover them in the next episode of #WhatsUpIman .

As always thanks for stopping by.

-Iman

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First week of my NEW workout routine

Hey my fitness junkies & gym rats. Welcome.

My mission with this new work out routine is achieve my body goals in 6months no later than the summer of 2018.

Accompanying my *home routine workout is a not so strick healty diet but more importantly self-care. I’m not sure about any of you but nothing, especially nothing new is going to get accomplished in life if I’m not practicing self-care.

So for my first week I am eliminating red meat from my diet and focusing on my target area (Arms & Chest). Since I despise cardio I have instead decided to substitute by taking the stairs whenever possible. Office is on the 3 floor so it seems like an even enough trade off.

So my plan is for the first 3 weeks build my routine from the ground up and find what works for me and what doesn’t. Supposedly to be something like this:

Week 1: Arms & Chest
Week 2: Legs & Glutes
Week 3: Abs & Back

For week one my goal is to do 33 push ups a day, changing the type of push up daily hopefully to hit different muscle groups in that area i.e. close , open , triangle , wide , elevated etc. I choose 33 mainly because 15 is a comfort amount before the muscle group realizes it’s being worked. I can do about 23 in a row before the struggle. Also have to remember that I wanted to set a number realistically possible to reach EVERY day for 7 days IN A ROW. After crunching some numbers and deciding 33 was the easiest to remember and the most attractive number of my options. 20-40.

Honestly readers, I’m not sure how this is going to go; considering my track record 🤔. BUT things have been failing into place to maybe a physical fit body and a healthy diet will follow suit. Haven’t decided if I want to do weekly vlog wrap up the fails could make for good footage 😂 

Wish me luck !!!

Translating Identity Conference

The 15th annual Translating Identity Conference held at the University of Vermont in Burlington. 

This was my second one and I can honestly say even with my social aniexty I do enjoy these conferences. Being around trans, queers & allies in a safe environment is awesome. Again I was lucky enough to meet a bunch of awesome people and be introduced to cool organizations I were previously unaware of. 

I’m so excited to order from all these new companies and I can’t wait to show you guys demos on YouTube and write reviews here on my blog.

A special shout out to  http://www.gc2b.co for being an awesome company I hope to see you at another conference ! Make sure to check out their binders available in a variety of sizes in half and full styles and now come in nude/flesh colors !

Some of the products in line for reviews are a fairly new and a bit unorthodox binding* company called “Shapeshifters”. An awesome clothing an apparel company; “Inciting Defiance” featuring an awesome line of handmade graphic T shirts. You can also order custom pins, magnets, light switch covers, appreciation cards and so much more. “Rocket Erotic” offers a full array of sex toys including dildos, collars & chains, vibrators and harnesses; as well as several different books. 

There are so many other great companies, organizations and people there I apologise if I left anyone out. It’s already been a 12hr day and I have about 5hrs of travel time back to New York. I wanted to blog while everything was still relatively fresh in my mind. Ha ha… relatively.

Thank you to the University of Vermont for hosting the conference. Being knowledgeable and having gender neutral restrooms was excellent. 

Can’t wait till the next conference !

-Iman

Approaching 90days HRT

Hello readers, it’s been a few weeks since I gave y’all any update on HR therapy. 

Well I believe this go round I am currently approaching 90 days in hormone replacement therapy. This particular time in therapy I have decided to stick it out with injections and I must say at first it was unpleasant.

However I have switched from intramuscular injections in my thighs to subcutaneous injections in my belly. Much easier for me personally because the shorter needle gives me less aniexty and since it’s not as deep as intramuscular I don’t experience feeling a needle piercing my muscle.

So update on my dosage: I am now .50 weekly subcutaneous.

This will be my 3rd week doing subcutaneous self injections so I figure I would do a video showing how I do that and explaining a little bit more in depth on my feelings out looks and expectations this time in therapy

So the first 3 months this time in HRT is basically equivalent to the previous times minus I knew what to expect it just happened slightly more rapidly.

Also seems like either the more my body is introduced to hormones or just me being older this time around that I and completely getting better results from therapy. 

I am still experiencing some body fat shift in my chest, waist and glutes. Steadily increasing in over all body hair. And a beautiful surprise of new placed facial hair and darkening/thickening of hairs that have been with me from the very beginning. 

I haven’t had such an incredible in energy and stamina since my first time in therapy (’14-’15). But I love it. Feels like I have also gained in total strength I’ll know that for sure in my next trip to the gym.

My bottom growth has returned bringing my sex drive back with a vengeance. I really could do with out the random boners. I can’t say much for actual growth because I never lost what I gained and I have also took up pumping so I can’t really judge what’s from horomones and what’s from pumping.

I am excited to see how the change from intramuscular to subcutaneous will effect the progress of my therapy.

Thanks for dropping by !!

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Empty promises

Well hello everyone. I’m gonna skip past the ‘my faults’ & ‘Ive been caught ups’ , Y’all know my ADHD be having me stretched too thin to blog all the time. Plus my life really isn’t that interesting so I don’t have much to blog about. I literally need a months worth of adventures to have an intriguing entry.

Anywhose…

Picking up where ever we left off 3/12 would have been my 3rd month consecutively in therapy but I could say less because if you are an avid reader then you know.
So technically this is my 12th week in therapy and my 9th week on hormones.

Long story short work schedule got crazy , cut loose on vacation , and I still don’t like needles. 

I’ll take a minute to point out that lately I have been asked what’s the side effects of going on and off hormones or skipping multiple doses. Personally I have never experienced any negative effects due to lack of doses. If I can remember correctly the main warning concerning dosage was not to take more than prescribed, which I’m pretty sure everyone knows that. Also I recall coming across articles , blogs & media about individuals having to pause or even stop taking hormones completely due to medical reasons and sometimes even surgeries. 
***Just a reminder majority of the changes your body experiences while on hormones are either permanent or can take years to revert depending on your body , the length of time on & your dosage amount.
SWATBS.,

After a nearly 3 week hiatus I found the courage to drag my black ass to my doctor…. Only to find that my primary doctor was no longer at that location.. fortunately I still had my same crew of nurses there. 

Not much had changed during the 3 weeks I went missing in actions. Not sure how it effected my beard growth because lately I’ve been solely working on a baby goatee. My attitude has been up and down anyways due to the stress of adulting. Felt a major shift in my appetite , going 2 days with out a hot meal not notice it & I lost about 7lbs.

Seemed to have a little drop in energy but still could achieve top ‘get up & go speeds’ if I get a good running start.

The most major change was my sex drive. After a week and a half with out the stuff my libido sky rocketed & I felt like the main character of a Zane book. Going in to the 3 weeks cold turkey it’s like my dick broke. I had no drive or desire what so ever.

Now my first 3 days back on my sex drive is through the roof so it’s safe to say that libido is the first prisoner to be pardoned by the warden.

Also decided to make another sad attempt to grow a beard. 7 days no shave and I have annoying stubble patches under my cheeks right below my jaw bone.
I feel a little under the weather so I can’t really report much on energy or stamina.
Y’all know I’m a man of few words. 
All of my media sites are under construction so stay tuned…

Well, well, well…

Peace & blessings readers. Again I apologize for my tardiness. Handling the culture shock, my recent separation & the struggles of starting over has been leaving me too drained to blog, vlog or anything else for that matter.  But I have made the decision to push through it all and keep fighting; which brings me here. Ha ha.

Sooooo where to start?…

Let’s start of with the level of cultural shock that I am experiencing from moving from the dirty south to the damn north pole. Weather. I am in total shock that my body has fought off developing any kind of cold. I did take the precaution and get a flu shot this winter. Yea yea I know I have no idea whats in the needle,  but shit I’m miserable enough with the freezing temperatures & disrespectful ass wind chills. I dont want to speak too soon but I believe my immune system is handling the cold better than my body and attitude. Have you ever cussed the wind out? Moved to New York , I swear you will several times a day.

As far as interpersonal cultural shock it is entirely waayyyy too crowded out here. From the streets to public transportation. Ugh, people. Took me a few days and a lot of deep breaths but I’m not as anxious as I was when i first arrive 2 weeks ago. Still trying to understanding the. “Lingo”. “Deadass” “lit” “tight” but I’m coming around with the help of my translator. The amount of police (ops) out here was unnerving at first but now i feel a little more safe I suppose. Witnessing the ignorance in New Orleans go from a gesture to a slur to a fight to a shoot out, and then in New York seeing it rarely escalate to more than a simple shrug and a walk away… Well, woooowwww, is all I can say.

On a personally level my anxiety and bipolar symptoms are at an all time high but it’s ok because its teaching me to have more self control and at the least selfawarenes of my feelings and emotions. In good progress in a few days I will be sitting in a doctor’s office in the Bronx getting poked and proded in order to begin therapy again. Im excited and nervous but happy more than anything.

Do I feel homesick?..
Eh, at times I feel homesick & sometimes I feel really homesick. Usually when I need a translator for a normal conversation or when I get lost on the subway or when I have the urge to hear the beat. Its usually only for a moment because all the bright lights and hustle and bussle of the big city is a huge distraction from missing my past.

On a more deeper personal level (not going into details) I have learned sooo much about myself as far as what I want, what I dont want & how much it usually doesn’t matter. Working on all of that and growing everyday is proving to be a challenging journey with no particular destination but nevertheless I journey that is welcomed with open arms & one that has been long overdue.

Well, thats all for now; hopefully my next blog entry will be a little more structured. But then again with a guy like me, you never know. Till next time everyone.
Namaste.

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One long bus ride pt. 2

Made it to my first pit stop in Mobile, AL with a layover of an hour…

A small pit stop compared to all the ones I will take over the course of the next day & a half. Bummed that I misplaced my ipod charger so vloggin is going to be crappy quality but I’m still vloggin anyways ha ha.

Doing alot of thinking on this bus ride & in these terminals, hopefully soon ill have some type of break through because this crook in my neck is blowing it.

One long bus ride pt. 1

So I am currently on a speeding greyhound with just under 26hrs till I reach my destination. I figure wen why not tap into my mind and find my thoughts on this day long bus ride.

My current feeling would be a total concoction of emotions; so I rather not frustrate myself by trying to put it into words. Just know Im all over the place, but in a good way ja ja ja.

For once I have made a decision all by myself. Yes 25 years of life and I can count on one hand how many choices or decisions I’ve made completely on my own. Being transparent, with my readers; the most recent one prior to this was my choice to transistion from one gender to another.

Yea, I’ve been slacking in the “Me” department, hence this soul searching journey….

I feel invigorated and powerful, yea its been a looong time…

Dont go no where!!!..
Ill be here for the next 24hrs..
Ha Ha

The Secret to MY Facial Hair

In honor of no shave november, today I will be ironic and blog about my facial routine.

Personally I feel like shaving CAN help facial hair grow. I’m not saying it does & I’m not saying it doesnt. However I DONT think it has any negative side effects.
For me, personally; shaving ALONG with my facial hygiene routine did help my facial hair grow.
If you know me then you know I have had problems in the past with schedule keeping so technically the routine I am about to explain is more of an outline than a exact dialogue. Ha ha. Bare with me.

1.) Wash your face
2.) Rinse your face
3.) Moisturize your face

**Not kidding folks all of those steps are important. Don’t skip any!

Going through my first puberty (more of a small growth hiccup) I was lucky enough to not have acne problems. Unfortunately I also had “not so great” facial hygiene. Since my face didnt require that extra attention as a result of acne.. I didnt pay it any attention at all.
Fast fowarding to a few years ago when I began my transistion & went through my 2 puberty. I would exactly call it acne, but my face definitely went through something. I’m assuming it was because of new peach fuzz poppin through un-used hair follicles, sweating more profusely & small changes in everyday activities.

So now I have to like wash my face everyday… Ugh
(just kidding, kinda)

After growing tired of popping pimples on my jawline & putting toothpaste on my cheeks; I started taking exquisite care of my face.
Washing your face in the shower every day is a duh, right? Yeah, but somehow I still managed to jack that up.
So my routine now is to have a separate towel for my face with a 3 day max use. I only wash my face with gold dial antibiotic bar soap or the white dove sensitive skin bar soap. I save the smell good soap for my body.

Next is a step that I used to half-a** all the time.
RINSE!
I rinse my face until its squeaky clean, literally. And usually once more after. No matter how “skin friendly” a soap says it is, not properly rinsing can clog your pores and cause a pimple outbreak.
Also,(here’s the part where its mostly an outline) I wash my face once when I get out of bed and once before laying down for bed. Not sure about the statistics or fun facts behind this, It just makes my face feel cleaner.
Do NOT OVER moisturize your face! That puts you back at square one, with an oily dirty face covered in gunk thats just not supposed to be there. Drying your face out can also be a con. But personally I rather be a little ashy than greasy.
Im not going to tell you what I use, (no one pays me for advertising, yet) but just listen to your body and try not to constantly over or under do it.

And that is how I finally learned how to properly wash my face at age 22.
Again, I am not a scientist nor do I have scientic proof for the following statement. This is my personal opinions and results.

When I started to feel blue about being “beardless”, I took it upon myself to be proactive and started to try and grow a legit beard.
Now when I say proactively grow a beard a mean I adopted the habit as if I had patchy stubble, instead of just sporadic peach fuzz.

I started shaving my (imaginary) beard every 2 to 4 days. Sometimes clean, but mostly trying different styles. Always using a sharp razor, shaving cream & after shave. Even faithfully brushing my beard & carrying my brush almost 100% of the time.
Occasionally doing smaller things I read online; like daily 10-15min facial massages, eating foods that promotes healthy skin and hair & home made mixture that stimulate hair follicles.

It took a while, but eventually I started seeing more facial hair. At first it was barely noticable. The longer and more strict I was with my invented routine the more changes I saw.
In the recent months I started seeing my imaginary beard come to life. Just barely, but its nice to have peach fuzz everywhere you want with connections. Gives me hope for when I shed my down feathers and grow into my big boy beard. Ha ha.

“Patience is key. Finding what individually works for you is the lock. And your beard is the door, open it up.”
NO SHAVE, NOVEMBER

No shave november is more than letting your beard grow, boycotting the barber & letting your inner hippy breathe. November is cancer awarenes month. (as well as transgender, diabetes & men’s health awareness month)
During November if you choose to participate in #NSN let your hair grow wild, free & unkept. This is done for a few different reasons.
To show support and solidarity to all those who have lost the ability to grow hair due to chemotherapy while battling any type of cancer & those that have passed because of it.
To raise awareness about all different types of cancer. If you are normally known to be clean and neat; you will arouse questions when you change to a more of a wild and free look. “Why?” Conversation starter!
To donate all of the money that you would normally spend on hair care products such as hair cuts and styles, razors and shaving accessories, relaxers, perm etc to a cancer charity.

No shave november is mostly known in the male community and is expected to bring thick wild facial hair from stubble to paul bunyan beards. But everyone can participate in #nsn , men, women & everything in between. You dont have to skip a hair cut & you don’t have to have to grow an overnight drake beard. No shave november = cancer awarness. As long as you spreading awarness you are paticipate.

And that my friends.. is the real story behind the misunderstood & misinterpreted #NoShaveNovember

Thanks for stopping by and see you next time 🌎✌
Peace & blessings

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My first week back in therapy.

I look at transitioning different then alot of guys. Same goes for HRT. I look at it as the whole picture and think with the end in mind. The biggest difference I found & where alot of guys go wrong is comparing and contrasting transitions and results of therapy.

Not that I havent been on the short end of the stick for a while; quite a while if you know me personally. But if its one thing I learned society expects from men it is to be strong. No matter how many times you get knocked down get up and the key part: Fight back!

After going thru my first full dedicated week back in therapy in Jah knows how long; I’ve come to realize that I was anxious for no reason. (Which of course I already knew that, but just going thru the motions I suppose.

I’m not here to discuss physical changes thats going to pretty much happen to some extent regardless. I’m swinging by to discuss the mental and emotional changes. That can also be achieved way before therapy.

Before I get into that let me explain why I refer to taking horomones or testosterone as therapy. Besides the fact that’s basically what it is.

When you are prescribed horomones by your doctor they are for the Horomone Replacement Therapy you are going through to medical transition from one gender to another.
Yea real shit, I know.

It is therapy. Like someone would take therapy say for a messed up back or leg. Or even therapy for a speech or physiological problem. Therapy is exactly what it is. If you dont put forth the effort AND have the patience you will not be very successful in your goals you wish to achieve by going through the therapy in the first place.

Personally when I first started therapy a few years back I was not really serious about it. Not to confuse it with not being serious about my transition. I was just not “amused” with the whole idea of going through a medical replacement therapy. That indecisiveness led to therapy being put on the back burner. Missing doctor’s appointments, missing shots etc, and eventually led to me discontinuing therapy all together.

Even though I decieded to not continue with HRT that did not slow down or stop my process of transitioning.

Instead of focusing on achieving goals like facial hair, deep voice, masculine chest, gender reassignment surgeries etc (things that transmen keep telling society does not make you a man *kayne west shrug*) I focused on other, to me, more important qualities in being a man. A king to his castle.

All those little things set the foundation to the man I am building.

Doesnt matter how full my beard is or how deep my voice is if people are using incorrect pronouns and birth names.

I wont be seen as a real man just because my chest is flat or I’m bigger than most guys in the gym locker room if I’m not taking care of home and my family.

Kind of get where I’m going with this now?..

I couldnt respect myself as a man, made from dirt; no control of this emotions & actions, with no foundation and no principles and values of a real man and I wouldnt ask anyone else to.

Anyways, back to my first week back in therapy. Lets just say its way better the second time around, now that I know what I’m getting into.

Mentally I have already transitioned so honestly this therapy thing should be a breeze.

Thanks for dropping by again.
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