Empty promises

Well hello everyone. I’m gonna skip past the ‘my faults’ & ‘Ive been caught ups’ , Y’all know my ADHD be having me stretched too thin to blog all the time. Plus my life really isn’t that interesting so I don’t have much to blog about. I literally need a months worth of adventures to have an intriguing entry.

Anywhose…

Picking up where ever we left off 3/12 would have been my 3rd month consecutively in therapy but I could say less because if you are an avid reader then you know.
So technically this is my 12th week in therapy and my 9th week on hormones.

Long story short work schedule got crazy , cut loose on vacation , and I still don’t like needles. 

I’ll take a minute to point out that lately I have been asked what’s the side effects of going on and off hormones or skipping multiple doses. Personally I have never experienced any negative effects due to lack of doses. If I can remember correctly the main warning concerning dosage was not to take more than prescribed, which I’m pretty sure everyone knows that. Also I recall coming across articles , blogs & media about individuals having to pause or even stop taking hormones completely due to medical reasons and sometimes even surgeries. 
***Just a reminder majority of the changes your body experiences while on hormones are either permanent or can take years to revert depending on your body , the length of time on & your dosage amount.
SWATBS.,

After a nearly 3 week hiatus I found the courage to drag my black ass to my doctor…. Only to find that my primary doctor was no longer at that location.. fortunately I still had my same crew of nurses there. 

Not much had changed during the 3 weeks I went missing in actions. Not sure how it effected my beard growth because lately I’ve been solely working on a baby goatee. My attitude has been up and down anyways due to the stress of adulting. Felt a major shift in my appetite , going 2 days with out a hot meal not notice it & I lost about 7lbs.

Seemed to have a little drop in energy but still could achieve top ‘get up & go speeds’ if I get a good running start.

The most major change was my sex drive. After a week and a half with out the stuff my libido sky rocketed & I felt like the main character of a Zane book. Going in to the 3 weeks cold turkey it’s like my dick broke. I had no drive or desire what so ever.

Now my first 3 days back on my sex drive is through the roof so it’s safe to say that libido is the first prisoner to be pardoned by the warden.

Also decided to make another sad attempt to grow a beard. 7 days no shave and I have annoying stubble patches under my cheeks right below my jaw bone.
I feel a little under the weather so I can’t really report much on energy or stamina.
Y’all know I’m a man of few words. 
All of my media sites are under construction so stay tuned…

Well, well, well…

Peace & blessings readers. Again I apologize for my tardiness. Handling the culture shock, my recent separation & the struggles of starting over has been leaving me too drained to blog, vlog or anything else for that matter.  But I have made the decision to push through it all and keep fighting; which brings me here. Ha ha.

Sooooo where to start?…

Let’s start of with the level of cultural shock that I am experiencing from moving from the dirty south to the damn north pole. Weather. I am in total shock that my body has fought off developing any kind of cold. I did take the precaution and get a flu shot this winter. Yea yea I know I have no idea whats in the needle,  but shit I’m miserable enough with the freezing temperatures & disrespectful ass wind chills. I dont want to speak too soon but I believe my immune system is handling the cold better than my body and attitude. Have you ever cussed the wind out? Moved to New York , I swear you will several times a day.

As far as interpersonal cultural shock it is entirely waayyyy too crowded out here. From the streets to public transportation. Ugh, people. Took me a few days and a lot of deep breaths but I’m not as anxious as I was when i first arrive 2 weeks ago. Still trying to understanding the. “Lingo”. “Deadass” “lit” “tight” but I’m coming around with the help of my translator. The amount of police (ops) out here was unnerving at first but now i feel a little more safe I suppose. Witnessing the ignorance in New Orleans go from a gesture to a slur to a fight to a shoot out, and then in New York seeing it rarely escalate to more than a simple shrug and a walk away… Well, woooowwww, is all I can say.

On a personally level my anxiety and bipolar symptoms are at an all time high but it’s ok because its teaching me to have more self control and at the least selfawarenes of my feelings and emotions. In good progress in a few days I will be sitting in a doctor’s office in the Bronx getting poked and proded in order to begin therapy again. Im excited and nervous but happy more than anything.

Do I feel homesick?..
Eh, at times I feel homesick & sometimes I feel really homesick. Usually when I need a translator for a normal conversation or when I get lost on the subway or when I have the urge to hear the beat. Its usually only for a moment because all the bright lights and hustle and bussle of the big city is a huge distraction from missing my past.

On a more deeper personal level (not going into details) I have learned sooo much about myself as far as what I want, what I dont want & how much it usually doesn’t matter. Working on all of that and growing everyday is proving to be a challenging journey with no particular destination but nevertheless I journey that is welcomed with open arms & one that has been long overdue.

Well, thats all for now; hopefully my next blog entry will be a little more structured. But then again with a guy like me, you never know. Till next time everyone.
Namaste.

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IG: k.king_legendary
FB: Kristian King
SC: Selfmadekris
GM: kristianimanking

One long bus ride pt. 2

Made it to my first pit stop in Mobile, AL with a layover of an hour…

A small pit stop compared to all the ones I will take over the course of the next day & a half. Bummed that I misplaced my ipod charger so vloggin is going to be crappy quality but I’m still vloggin anyways ha ha.

Doing alot of thinking on this bus ride & in these terminals, hopefully soon ill have some type of break through because this crook in my neck is blowing it.

One long bus ride pt. 1

So I am currently on a speeding greyhound with just under 26hrs till I reach my destination. I figure wen why not tap into my mind and find my thoughts on this day long bus ride.

My current feeling would be a total concoction of emotions; so I rather not frustrate myself by trying to put it into words. Just know Im all over the place, but in a good way ja ja ja.

For once I have made a decision all by myself. Yes 25 years of life and I can count on one hand how many choices or decisions I’ve made completely on my own. Being transparent, with my readers; the most recent one prior to this was my choice to transistion from one gender to another.

Yea, I’ve been slacking in the “Me” department, hence this soul searching journey….

I feel invigorated and powerful, yea its been a looong time…

Dont go no where!!!..
Ill be here for the next 24hrs..
Ha Ha

The Secret to MY Facial Hair

In honor of no shave november, today I will be ironic and blog about my facial routine.

Personally I feel like shaving CAN help facial hair grow. I’m not saying it does & I’m not saying it doesnt. However I DONT think it has any negative side effects.
For me, personally; shaving ALONG with my facial hygiene routine did help my facial hair grow.
If you know me then you know I have had problems in the past with schedule keeping so technically the routine I am about to explain is more of an outline than a exact dialogue. Ha ha. Bare with me.

1.) Wash your face
2.) Rinse your face
3.) Moisturize your face

**Not kidding folks all of those steps are important. Don’t skip any!

Going through my first puberty (more of a small growth hiccup) I was lucky enough to not have acne problems. Unfortunately I also had “not so great” facial hygiene. Since my face didnt require that extra attention as a result of acne.. I didnt pay it any attention at all.
Fast fowarding to a few years ago when I began my transistion & went through my 2 puberty. I would exactly call it acne, but my face definitely went through something. I’m assuming it was because of new peach fuzz poppin through un-used hair follicles, sweating more profusely & small changes in everyday activities.

So now I have to like wash my face everyday… Ugh
(just kidding, kinda)

After growing tired of popping pimples on my jawline & putting toothpaste on my cheeks; I started taking exquisite care of my face.
Washing your face in the shower every day is a duh, right? Yeah, but somehow I still managed to jack that up.
So my routine now is to have a separate towel for my face with a 3 day max use. I only wash my face with gold dial antibiotic bar soap or the white dove sensitive skin bar soap. I save the smell good soap for my body.

Next is a step that I used to half-a** all the time.
RINSE!
I rinse my face until its squeaky clean, literally. And usually once more after. No matter how “skin friendly” a soap says it is, not properly rinsing can clog your pores and cause a pimple outbreak.
Also,(here’s the part where its mostly an outline) I wash my face once when I get out of bed and once before laying down for bed. Not sure about the statistics or fun facts behind this, It just makes my face feel cleaner.
Do NOT OVER moisturize your face! That puts you back at square one, with an oily dirty face covered in gunk thats just not supposed to be there. Drying your face out can also be a con. But personally I rather be a little ashy than greasy.
Im not going to tell you what I use, (no one pays me for advertising, yet) but just listen to your body and try not to constantly over or under do it.

And that is how I finally learned how to properly wash my face at age 22.
Again, I am not a scientist nor do I have scientic proof for the following statement. This is my personal opinions and results.

When I started to feel blue about being “beardless”, I took it upon myself to be proactive and started to try and grow a legit beard.
Now when I say proactively grow a beard a mean I adopted the habit as if I had patchy stubble, instead of just sporadic peach fuzz.

I started shaving my (imaginary) beard every 2 to 4 days. Sometimes clean, but mostly trying different styles. Always using a sharp razor, shaving cream & after shave. Even faithfully brushing my beard & carrying my brush almost 100% of the time.
Occasionally doing smaller things I read online; like daily 10-15min facial massages, eating foods that promotes healthy skin and hair & home made mixture that stimulate hair follicles.

It took a while, but eventually I started seeing more facial hair. At first it was barely noticable. The longer and more strict I was with my invented routine the more changes I saw.
In the recent months I started seeing my imaginary beard come to life. Just barely, but its nice to have peach fuzz everywhere you want with connections. Gives me hope for when I shed my down feathers and grow into my big boy beard. Ha ha.

“Patience is key. Finding what individually works for you is the lock. And your beard is the door, open it up.”
NO SHAVE, NOVEMBER

No shave november is more than letting your beard grow, boycotting the barber & letting your inner hippy breathe. November is cancer awarenes month. (as well as transgender, diabetes & men’s health awareness month)
During November if you choose to participate in #NSN let your hair grow wild, free & unkept. This is done for a few different reasons.
To show support and solidarity to all those who have lost the ability to grow hair due to chemotherapy while battling any type of cancer & those that have passed because of it.
To raise awareness about all different types of cancer. If you are normally known to be clean and neat; you will arouse questions when you change to a more of a wild and free look. “Why?” Conversation starter!
To donate all of the money that you would normally spend on hair care products such as hair cuts and styles, razors and shaving accessories, relaxers, perm etc to a cancer charity.

No shave november is mostly known in the male community and is expected to bring thick wild facial hair from stubble to paul bunyan beards. But everyone can participate in #nsn , men, women & everything in between. You dont have to skip a hair cut & you don’t have to have to grow an overnight drake beard. No shave november = cancer awarness. As long as you spreading awarness you are paticipate.

And that my friends.. is the real story behind the misunderstood & misinterpreted #NoShaveNovember

Thanks for stopping by and see you next time 🌎✌
Peace & blessings

IG: k.king_legendary
Tw: kristianimankin
SC: selfmadekris
Yt: Kristian King

My first week back in therapy.

I look at transitioning different then alot of guys. Same goes for HRT. I look at it as the whole picture and think with the end in mind. The biggest difference I found & where alot of guys go wrong is comparing and contrasting transitions and results of therapy.

Not that I havent been on the short end of the stick for a while; quite a while if you know me personally. But if its one thing I learned society expects from men it is to be strong. No matter how many times you get knocked down get up and the key part: Fight back!

After going thru my first full dedicated week back in therapy in Jah knows how long; I’ve come to realize that I was anxious for no reason. (Which of course I already knew that, but just going thru the motions I suppose.

I’m not here to discuss physical changes thats going to pretty much happen to some extent regardless. I’m swinging by to discuss the mental and emotional changes. That can also be achieved way before therapy.

Before I get into that let me explain why I refer to taking horomones or testosterone as therapy. Besides the fact that’s basically what it is.

When you are prescribed horomones by your doctor they are for the Horomone Replacement Therapy you are going through to medical transition from one gender to another.
Yea real shit, I know.

It is therapy. Like someone would take therapy say for a messed up back or leg. Or even therapy for a speech or physiological problem. Therapy is exactly what it is. If you dont put forth the effort AND have the patience you will not be very successful in your goals you wish to achieve by going through the therapy in the first place.

Personally when I first started therapy a few years back I was not really serious about it. Not to confuse it with not being serious about my transition. I was just not “amused” with the whole idea of going through a medical replacement therapy. That indecisiveness led to therapy being put on the back burner. Missing doctor’s appointments, missing shots etc, and eventually led to me discontinuing therapy all together.

Even though I decieded to not continue with HRT that did not slow down or stop my process of transitioning.

Instead of focusing on achieving goals like facial hair, deep voice, masculine chest, gender reassignment surgeries etc (things that transmen keep telling society does not make you a man *kayne west shrug*) I focused on other, to me, more important qualities in being a man. A king to his castle.

All those little things set the foundation to the man I am building.

Doesnt matter how full my beard is or how deep my voice is if people are using incorrect pronouns and birth names.

I wont be seen as a real man just because my chest is flat or I’m bigger than most guys in the gym locker room if I’m not taking care of home and my family.

Kind of get where I’m going with this now?..

I couldnt respect myself as a man, made from dirt; no control of this emotions & actions, with no foundation and no principles and values of a real man and I wouldnt ask anyone else to.

Anyways, back to my first week back in therapy. Lets just say its way better the second time around, now that I know what I’m getting into.

Mentally I have already transitioned so honestly this therapy thing should be a breeze.

Thanks for dropping by again.
As always, feel free to follow me on social media.

IG: fullyawakedking
Fb: Kristian King
SC: selfmadekris
Tw: kristianimankin
YouTube: Mr Iman King

“Excuse me, can you turn your ‘cis’ down? You’re disturbing my ‘genders’.”

Peace & blessings yet again everyone. I know the title is a bit unorthodox so lets jump right in and break it down shall we. Great.
First and foremost let me remind my readers that this a personal blog full of personal ideas and some beliefs. Dont get butt hurt cause its different. 👌

Now then.. This blog is me breaking down genders by prefixes and suffixes; mainly to give depth to why I personally changing my vocabulary.

I am no expert on gender, but I think I can give a pretty good jist of it:

Gender non confirming
An individual that does not necessarily fall under 1 gender; no-gender, agender

Bi-gender
An individual that can fall under 2 or more genders; combine or separate.

Transgender
An individual that has made a transition from one gender to another; male to female, female to male.

Cisgender
An individual that is the same gender assigned from birth until death; one gender.

I never did agree on the “cisgender” term. I personally feel like the term
Onegender would be more suitable. Cisgender are women or men that are born into one gender and stay that way.
Cisgender. Its sounds like “ciscioety” and the “cistem” are trying to make onegender the “normal” gender to be. Like cisgender isn’t even a gender, its just a normal person.
Dont get me wrong I love all my onegender people, my wife is a onegender woman; married to a transgender man.
This is my personal opinion on the whole word, term definiton. It is what is in the dictionary(just dont get one 5-10years old).
So from now on my faithful readers when l say onegender you will understand what l mean.
I have love for all genders of course! After all the genitals dont make gender and gender doesnt make a person.

Thanks again for stopping by, until next time…

As always follow me on social media.
IG: fullyawakedking
Fb: Kristian King
SC: selfmadekris
Tw: kristianimankin
YouTube: Mr Iman King

 

Stealth or nah??

Peace & blessings readers. Good to see you came back.

Today I am going to discuss my opinion on the difference in being “stealth” vs “dont ask, dont tell.”

First let me explain what I personally mean about the terms I am using.

To me being stealth as a trans individual means that you do not disclose the information that you are transgender at anytime. And if questioned; denying your trans status. Basically, pretending to be cisgender.( not really big on that term ugh ) Again that is my definition of being stealth. The actual definition from our community may in fact be different.

Now when I say, “dont ask, dont tell” I am referring this to a transgender individual that is perceived by society as a cisgender *passable/unclockable* (still dont like the term). However if asked in a respectful way will disclose the fact that they are in fact transgender.

People choose stealth life or DADT for their own personal reasons. Just like those who are unapologetically themselves and live out loud.

Where do I fit at in this equation???

Allow me to give you some background about me. When I first began my transition I was in between jobs. At the time I was not “passing” (not big on that term either) as well as I do now. So some interviews I was viewed as a male & others I was viewed as female. Which was challenging and frustrating of course. I’ll stick a pin in this topic & maybe do a vlog on my youtube channel about interviews as trans identified or coming out as trans at a current job.
Anyways, I ended up landing a position at a local raising canes. My GM & shift managers were aware of my trans “status” but as far as coworkers they were still somewhat in the dark. If I was misgendered by a smartass I quickly corrected them and it wasnt a problem there after. As I became close to some of the other employees the question of course arose. I never denied the gender I was assigned at birth but I also firmly lived in my truth.
Fast fowarding (cause I feel like Im rambling) to my current job at Harrahs casino. Now that I am closer to my 3rd year of transitioning. “Passing” is a thing of the past. During the entire interviewing & hiring process I am read for the male I am. I work in the EVS department & my job description causes me to be in and out of restrooms & locker rooms. So of course I supervise the bathroom that I would normally use. Mens restroom, mens locker room.
After I completed the hiring process & finished my 3 days of orientation I went to human resources to let them know that I was in fact transgender. I ONLY did this because I would be in and out of mens rooms and I didnt know how they handled something like that as far as legal department. Lets face it Louisiana has no Trans laws to protect us. Also I rather know sooner  than later if it was gonna be a problem. Which it wasnt at all yayyyy. And to my surprise I was informed that there is other trans identifying individuals already employed here.

Getting off topic, my apologies.

Personally I would consider myself as DADT & not stealth. I have been working here just shy of 3 months. Other then HR no one else (to my knowledge anyways) knows that I am transgender. Not my supervisor, leads or coworkers. My gender identity has not been brought up or questioned. BUT if I am asked I will NOT lie NOR go out of my way to hide the fact that I am a transgender male.

In my opinion with stealth and DADT the difference starts & ends with your response when/if your gender identity is questioned. Not knocking anyone that lives stealth, DADT or flamboyantly outloud. To each their own and we all have our own reasoning behind our lifestyle choices. There are pros & cons to each choice, do whats best for you.

For me… I dont climb on top a building everyday and shout ” IM A TRANSGENDER MALE!!!”, but if I felt like it or my brothers needed me to stand with them in solidarity.. Im there in pink, white & blue!!

I hope I have provided clarity on my views and opinons about living stealth & how I choose to live my truth.
And if I havent, feel free to ask me to elaborate.

As always follow me on social media.
IG: fullyawakedking
Fb: Kristian King
SC: selfmadekris
YouTube: MrImanKing

Thanks again for looking through the peephole. Until next time…

-Iman King

Kris, meet testosterone.

Welcome back it has been a while. Sorry for the delay. A lot has happened since my last blog, as you can imagine for a young unapologetically black transmale.

Anyways focusing on positive side. I have recently become more dedicated with my work out routine. Found a full benefit job. Decided to renew my vows. And only 3 more months on papers.

As far as my transitioning I have a made a conscience decision to now medically transition.

I have gone through HRT before in the past but this time I have set goals & will continue to have HRT help me acheive those goals.

I put my Rx in and paid for it so it should arrive within the next few days. I will be taking testosterone in the form of a topical gel. 1 gram rubbed onto the body in various areas every day.

I am anxious about returning to HRT for a few reasons. I do not want to rush or force my puberty. And Im not extremely excited to give my already hairy body a boost in hair manufacturing. Ha ha.

All and all, I am pleased with my decision to begin taking horomones again. I will start a new chapter of my transition & allow myself to experience different qualities of transitioning.
Thanks for sticking with me readers & look forward to see this handsome intellectual creature again.

As always follow me on social media.
IG: fullyawakedking
Fb: Kristian King
SC: selfmadekris
YouTube: Kristian Iman King