Β Losing my job a week before Christmas…

Hey readers, can’t say this blog will be any good news sorry…

But yes I did lose my job a week before Christmas πŸ˜₯…

The news totally came as a shock to me. I went through so many emotions in the matter of a few hours. My stress was at an all-time high and my confidence in myself was at a low it hadn’t seen in a while. 12 hours in I found myself still somewhat flabbergasted but had already began the stages of grief. 

“It really hurts man. I thought I’d be making prosthetics forever.”

It was hard copping with such a drastic and abrupt change in my everyday life; my way of living. Already having gone through several life altering events and having mental disorders I did what I could to fight off depression and not go down the ugly cold dark road. 

My termination was not yet public knowledge but due to my line of work I had to somewhat explain to customers why I would no longer be able to help them. That was probably one of the worst things about being fired. 

About 2 days in I found myself snapping back and on the job hunt again. It was still pretty tough getting out of bed and putting on clothes to go out into the world but it was even tougher looking myself in mirror and thinking about just giving up.

” I got fired. A week before Christmas. Through a text message. On my day off. ” , Now tell me that ain’t some shitty type of luck.

As always though I had some amazing black girl magic to help me pick my self off the ground and keep on pushing. My moms, my sister & of course my girlfriend. My recovery time was way less than alot of the life changing events I had been through in the past. Considering it’s severity I would say it’s a new record. And I owe it all to my support system of women who love me unconditionally.

So it’s only been a 2 days shy of a week since the whole ordeal and maybe it’s the holidays or just me mature and not being so angry all the time now but I am extremely optimistic about everything Iman.

Thanks for reading.

*Special thanks to all those who knew and reached out on more than one occasion to check on me, I really appreciated that πŸ’―

” Whose hiring ? “πŸ˜‚

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Letter to my exes…

No , no don’t panic. This is not a petty blog..

Dear Ex,

What we had was special. At the time, I’m assuming; maybe not. That was then. This is me now. For whatever reason you didn’t make it to this chapter of my life; but that is neither here nor there now. I came to say that you taught me something. Wether it was a painful lesson or a bittersweet memory. No, you did not make me who I am today but you are forever part of my past. Something that can never be erased only learned from. However the promises I may have made, promises that I intended to keep; are no more. The past is the past for a reason. Irregardless to the facts and circumstances that lead you to becoming an Ex, I am grateful for all the learning experiences. And I am overjoyed to tell you that I am not the broken person you once knew… 

-I am Iman

I am a sensitive little b*tch..

No seriously…

Since I’ve transitioned and started living my truth I’ve allowed myself to really become in tune with my emotions and my feelings. Either that or I transformed into a sensitive little bitch πŸ™„πŸ˜‚

Being that I honestly don’t give a shit about what anybody thinks and having self awareness. Yes, I am more sensitive since I’ve transitioned.

It came on gradually after the initial breakdown my very first time in therapy but over time I noticed the shift little by little. I still have my dark humor but certain commercials or scenarios on TV had my eye all swelly and watery. And I don’t mean those deep ASPCA commercials with Sarah McLachlan singing in the background with close ups of helpless abused animals. But regular paper towel kid helps dad clean up mess , gives big hug and BOOM !; here come the water works. Then it got to the point where I would randomly think of a happy memory give a little chuckle and all of a sudden I have happy tears on my sleeve. When people tell me something that a normal person would just go “aww” and go about their day I’m clairvoyantly in a pile of empathetic borrowed emotions on the floor.

Not once was I like “Men Don’t Cry.”

But I applauded myself for letting my guards down and for once in my adult life truely allowing myself to feel. Feel everything. Not just happy and sad but a wide range of emotions.

So eh, if I’m a sensitive little bitch so be it …

90 days in Dryden.

It seems like so much longer than that…

Only because I’ve done so much since September. Several trips to NYC, a few trips to Philly, a road trip to Vermont & solemn return home. Conferences, marches, birthdays, funerals, vacations, just becauses. My travels over the last 3 months were strenuous, interesting, enjoyable and even heartbreaking.

I’ve had ups and downs. Ha ha’s and oh shit’s. But still the end of 2017 was better than the beginning of it and for that I am totally grateful. 

My 360 wave journey has been a rough one but as it should be I hate dealing with my hair. I wanted to get a little more in shape and bulk up a little but… holidays 🀦. In good news in these few months I’ve got to try something amazing products and I can’t wait to see what type of Christmas goodies I get.

I didn’t think I would like this small village… Jury is still out, but I don’t hate it.

Here’s to new beginnings πŸ’―πŸ’―

The secret to my facial hair growth. v2.0

I’VE DONE IT!!!!!

I FOUND THE KEY TO GROWING FACIAL HAIR….

Sorry if you don’t smoke marijuana.. this maybe out of your reach unless you have pothead friends🀘😎

Yes. The key is weed.

As we all should know, marijuana has several helpful uses. Treating diseases like cancer. Helping mental disorders like anxiety. Improving appetite and cognitive function.

A Tbro of mine hipped me to the secret last year… I’m pretty gullible for old wives remedies and natural herbs for ailments. And of course it was always on hand with me 😎 especially at the time.

“Weed ashes bro.”

“Weed ashes bro?”

And that’s how it all began….

I originally started randomly ashing the blunt in my hand and rubbing on my chin. Didn’t really think too much of it and any new whiskers I came across I chalked it up to being remotely still somewhat in therapy. But as the months progressed and I again found myself weaned out of therapy the gains were still apparent, and still happening. So then I started to put more thought into.

Fast forwarding to a few months ago when I moved into my apartment (by this time I am convinced the ashes do help stimulate hair growth), from the first blunt I smoked in my house to this very day I have been ashing my blunts,joints, bowls etc into a small container. I knew that I would eventually find a way to combine the ashes with other natural products in hope to create my own beard oil/cream.

Almost to current time now..

About 6 weeks ago I ran across a unique concoction of natural oils that help facial hair growth AND that also didn’t smell like ass. So of course now I have to figure out how I was going to mix the ash and the oils & how I planned to apply it to my face.

4 weeks ago at the beginning of “No Shave November” I said fuck it and just went for it. At this point I have been out of therapy for just about 2 months. Also attended my Aunt’s funeral the first week of November so I was clean shaven to my normal stache and struggling goatee. 

Soo with all of the variables going in to the month of November compared to the gains documented during December I believe it’s safe to say; “By George! I think he’s got it!”

So with the confidence that I now I have in all this January will be my official documents of the gains from my “not officially named yet” beard oil. 😎

Never too old to discover your hidden talent. That’s why its called “hidden” talent.

-Iman

Steven Romeo ** Solidarity Soaps & Candles

A small natural & essential oils, all handmade soap and candle business located in Nashville, Tennessee.

Mr. Romeo partnered with Mr Aydian Dowling, president of the Point of Pride organization and donated 50% of sales on select soaps and candles.

Now about his awesome product…

I got the transpride flag color 4oz candle, naturally. I’m still on the first layer (pink), I burn it a few hours each day. I’m a VERY heavy smoker and the candle neutralizes the smoke very well.

There’s not a whole lot of things I can say about this product… It’s a candle πŸ•―οΈπŸ˜ŽπŸ€˜. I am very pleased with it. 

But the owner Steven is good with customer service and his team even included a handwritten thank you note with my order, which was a nice personal touch. I was slightly worried about it breaking in the mail but it was packaged great and made it to me in 2-5 business day in one piece.

Definitely pick me up another candle in the future and maybe try my luck at a bar of soap.

iAMi **FTM Beard Shop

Before I even talk about this product I have to say I loved loved loved it!!!!

So I opted for the full beard kit. Which includes beard shampoo & conditioner, beard butter & oil. I choose the beard kit because I’m over excited to graduate from baby beard & everything looks so awesome I couldn’t just try one product.

All of his products are homemade with natural oils & products. Plus he also offers several different style tshirts and even has transpride socks.

Package arrived within 2-3 business days if I’m not mistaken it was over the Thanksgiving break for me so I was out of town. But the owner did contact me to see if I had received my order. He was also in touch through my order to answer any questions I had.

When I got my beard kit everything smelled so natural and herbal & everything was clearly and cooly labeled I could barely wait to try it. 

The beard wash I ordered came in a small deodarant like container which was awesome to me so I didn’t have to worry about getting my beard so dirty since… Ya know.. I put it on my face. The natural ingredients had my face and baby beard all tingly suds well and it left my face squeaky clean.

The container needs a gentle shake as some of the oil settles during shipping but again it feels great and it leaves my face and facial hair feeling soft after letting it set for a few minutes as per instructions in the kit.

I use the beard butter before I go to sleep. I noticed after the first few days my baby goatee wasn’t dry or itchy even after a touch up at the barber. Also I felt as if my hair had became healthy and stronger.

I use the beard oil in the mornings or when I’m going to be out and about. Not really a particular reason other than it has a stronger smell than the butter and because I don’t want to wear oil to bed.

Its only been 2 weeks but I definitely give this product 🌟 🌟 🌟🌟🌟. From the time of order to delivery and even after when I had a few follow up questions I received excellent service and I can’t wait till my next purchase.

Buy yours beard kit and a ton of other products here:  

https://www.etsy.com/shop/iAMiBeardAndBodyShop
And don’t forget to use my official promo code #iamiman

Let’s talk How do you feel about living stealth* #WhatsUpIman

First off, too each their ownπŸ˜‡βœŒοΈ…

And I’ve said this multiple times., Personally I am DADT (don’t ask don’t tell). 

I also understand when people live stealth for certain reasons like safety or comfort. Just like those who choose to live unapologetically out loud like advocates.

Same as those who choose to go through legal transition, therapy & SRS; you do and live how best suits your needs and what is important to you.

So I can say that this is going to be a lengthy blog because this is more of an opinion than actual facts.

“…Because there is no way that you can fuck up every day living so bad that you might die.”

However I will say this… Eventually,now that I’m older and “cis passing” way more than the first time I blogged about this subject; I can see me living more out loud then DADT. I have taken this into consideration not only with my recent career change which puts my face out there more than before in the queer community but also because I CAN live my truth. I’ve never been one to rub my trans status it someone said face or always bringing it up in conversation outside of context. But I am fortunate enough that I can live my truth safely and comfortablely. Which not alot of trans and queer people can say. Those that can seem to forget that someone’s , guilty as charge. So I do see myself living a little more outloud in the future 😎

-Iman

Let’s talk HOW DO YOU MAKE A RELATIONSHIP LAST* #WhatsUpIman

Phew 😢

Well this is going to be an interesting discussion…

…Considering the question is talking about trans*relationships. Specifically transmen & transwomen. I want to get this off my chest. In my personal opinion alot of these relationships (trans) fall apart because the lack of attention and communication mixed with the vast amount of infidelity because so many other single trans individuals seem to be “waiting in the bushes”.

Some things are different in a cis- hetero normative couples and transgender (mtf/ftm) couples of course. That’s from the strain of actually being transgender. 

Personally, I believe all relationships thrive with communication, understanding, honesty, and loyalty; in that order. Trans or One gender.

Communication is definitely key. Without it a relationship can’t move forward of progress or be healthy. If you cannot easily talk to your partner about things you disagree on eventually conversation will become one-sided, passive aggressive, dry and eventually probably not at all.

When I say communicate I mean listen with the intentions to understand not with the intentions to soley respond. Listen with the best of your ability to understand and sympathize. It goes a long way. By doing this your partner will feel more comfortable to discuss more things with you and be more open and less defensive.

Understanding what your partner verbally expresses to you in conversation & communication is important but it is also key to understand your partner as a person. Not only what they like and dislike but how things and situations make them feel. Then you can have a better understanding on why they react the way they do in certaint scenarios. Too often we find ourselves assuming partners, friends, associates, strangers etc; are doing or reacting to something negatively because we don’t truly understand that person. It’s not really nagging if you understand why they are nagging.

Honesty. Yup. Honestly is third on the list. Without understandable communication being honesty is basically pointless. You can be honest with a person all you want but if you or your partner lack communication skills it’s can be complicated to really understand what is being said and if things are misunderstood sometimes it will appear the the person is being dishonest.

Save the best for last, LOYALTY. This is more than just being faithful to the relationship. It’s actually being loyal. To the person , the relationship , and the goal. It’s so much more than just not cheating. Imagine a knight loyal to a kingdom. No only does he not side with another kingdom but he defends the honor of his kingdom at all cost. So looking at it like that not only should you remain faithful but honor your partner and respect the love and relationship you are building together.

I honestly believe most failed relationship could have worked if people took the time to make it work. Easier said then done I’m sure. But try to remember your partner is human. No human is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. But if have communication, understanding, honesty and loyalty (and are actually compatible) you should be find.

But then again I’m not Dr Phil & I am a divorcee…. But I found love again so I have pretty good faith if an asshole boyfriend like me can; anyone can.

A year of houselessness..

 ’16-’17 was a tough yearπŸ™„

From being dead broke recently divorced and packing up what little life I had left and blindly moving to New York…

To battling homelessness, heartbreak, extreme social anxiety & a complete fear and paranoia that everyone was out to destroy me…

And finally relocating to a small town, starting a career at a job I love, being financially stable and falling in love…

From the end of 2016 to a year later in ending in late 2017 life seemed to throw just about every curve ball possible at me. 

It started going downhill in Spring of 2016 as I struggled to understand my transition and where I wanted my new life to go I watched my marriage fall apart and what I that was my life explode. Not to mention the affair and jail time the year prior still causing me an extreme amount of stress.

Between my confusion in my transition and basically having my life turned upside down I began wanting to run. Run away from my problems. Run away from my mistakes. Run away from myself. So I did. I started running, or at least trying. 

Found myself leaving my home renting a room in a area of town where know  one knew my name, closing off from the world, barely even seen by my roommates but I didn’t seem to be escaping from what ever I was running from. So I ran farther. I ended up it Texas. Houston I believe. Paying weekly in hotel rooms, doing temp work, doing an assortment of drugs & trying to forget who I was/I am.

Eventually I ran out of money and mental strength to deal with people. By this time I believe I started to slip into depression. I still felt my demons on my shoulders, like I hadn’t ran at all. So I figure if I’m going to be broke, homeless and depressed I might as well go back to where it all started. Plus Texas is fucking stupid.

So somehow up I ended back in New Orleans, Metairie to be technical. A young broken man on the verge of a self destructive path. Fortunately I was taken in by my gay mother that had adopted me a few years prior. She tried her best to help me stand but mentally I was a complete fucking mess. And seemed like the more she tried to help the more it reminded me that my life used to be so great and it was completely falling apart all around me and there was nothing I could do about it only made me worse.

I went from being at depression’s doorstep to being hurled through the front door. Shit was bad. I mean like REALLY bad. Almost ended up in a psych hospital..

*Takes bong rip

Reaching my breaking point and still wanting to run away from it all, when the opportunity came for me to be able to run away 13000 miles away I took it.

Packed what I had left which ended up being a army duffle bag and 2 book bags and headed to the Greyhound station. I had no money in my pockets but I know if I didn’t do this and let my soul fly I would never get better & I might never figure out what I wanted to be in life.

“…But Son, what makes you happy?..”

You can read my blogs from my 26hr Greyhound bus trip from New Orleans to New York in my “Road Trip” section of my blog. 😊

Of course with no money in my pockets and not knowing anyone in NYC I ended up in the shelter system for the first few months and then renting rooms and eventually back in the shelter system. Seemed like everything was still going wrong. Getting lost. Being Robbed. Freezing temperatures. Injured at work. Losing my wallet. Getting played. 

But I felt like I had some how found what I was running to. I thought I was running FROM my problems but I was actually running to my life. My new life. The life my soul was searching for. Even with all the shitty stuff that was still happening I was happy. I felt like I made a decision that made me happy. Of course it wasn’t all shits and giggles and sparkles at first or for the first 6 months. There was times I wanted to give up but I refuse to just go home where I had found what I almost died searching for. So I stuck it out and eventually….

Well, eventually…😎