Dear 2017,


I know we don’t know each other. We actually just met. But I trust you. I have faith in you. Together we can make this year great. I believe that you will help me to become the man I always wanted to be. A person that the world will be grateful to have. The years before you took so much from me, yet taught me so much. But I know you will bring me so much and so much more. You will allow me to grow at my on pace and let me write my own chapters to our story. Teach me. Guide me. Mold me. 2017, I want you; no I need you, to make me better. I know I am a broken man asking for a hell of alot but I know together we can fix me. Just give me a chance.

Sincerely Yours,
Kristian Iman King

Here we go with this, “new year, new me” bullshit


Except this time I think this could really be a new me this year. Finally learned to put my pride aside and do whats best for me. So one of the slogans for this year is “fuxkyofeels” seems a little harsh but for the last 4 years its been fuxk Kris’ feelings , so I think a switch up is over due. Now dont get me wrong I’m still a sweet taddy bear with a big gold heart but I’m not staying in situations that make me feel uncomfortable. One wrong move and your out. That 3 strike shit is a thing of the past. 2016. This year everyone gets one chance & one chance only. I refuse to bite my tongue, adapt or change for anyone. It was 22 long miserable years that I was uncomfortable with who I was & who I choose to identify as. Now that I’m just about completely (minus a few flaws) comfortable with myself & who I am, I am no longer making it my mission to make other around me comfortable. So with that being said let me give you a quick run down of deal breakers.

-Im an introvert.
Constant useless nonsense chatter grinds my gears. If all you can bring to the conversation is latest trends, useless fad and negativity; stay away that shit is annoying, toxic& just tew much for my mind space.

-I loveeeee animals.
Yup all shapes sizes and breeds. #allspeciesmatter. So if your the type to constantly pig out on animals productions wear fur or watching animal planet for hours bore you, sorry we wont have much in common. I have a hobby of collective exotic pets so if rats, snakes, spiders etc give you the hebbie gebbies you wont be spending much time at my habitat.

-Im a Virgo. Cut and dry.
If you dont know much about September virgos I suggest you do so research. We are literal & anal beings. I hate using or expression my emotions and despise people that cant keep their feelings in check. So as long as your not overly dramatic, can give me my space when I need it & understand that talking, expressing or even thinking about my emotions makes everything awkward and stressful for me then we should be good.

-I hate people.
And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Ironically enough I tend to attract people & come of a bit of a people person that gets along with most. But I have a very small circle of people I consider friends. So; no, i dont want to meet your I dont want to go to a rad party or a jumping new club. Take me to a museum, a quite walk in a park or just leave my ass inside.

-I love country music.
Yes. Yes I do. I was raised on country music from the 80s & 90s and r&b and soul music from the 50s & 60s. So if country music puts a bad taste in your ear I suggest you keep your opinions to yourself & call an uber.

-I love the outdoors.
Minus people of course. I do love being inside immersed in a new video game or an interesting documentary but I just as easy get cabin fever sometimes. So I do enjoy a outdoor festival or activity once in a while. Dont over do it of course. But if all you want to do is stay inside and stare at a screen you will become surprisingly aware that I can get bored extremely quickly.

-I have a temper.
Wow? Really? Yes I do. Lucky enough for most they usually dont get to see it. But say you catch me at a bad time; keep dying on the exact same spot on a game for hours, encountering a bully, seeing any kind of abuse or just somedays when I wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Good news is Im not violent or physically abusive when losing my temper.

-Diagnosed bipolar at an early age.
Chea. A real young age. 8. I try to deny it. Say I have it under control (like most who are bipolar) but yeaaaa,… I dont. But each day gets better I supposed. So with that being established on occasions I go through hyper mania moods were I’m extra hyper and happy with life for no reason & I also go though bouts of sever depression followed my uncontrollable fits of tears & just being upset with the world.

Alot to deal with, I know.
But wait… Theres more

– I suffer from ADHD.
Most people think its a made up disorder. Some parents(like mine) want to dope their kids up with OTC drugs to get them to sit still. But now as an adult who suffers with attention deficit hyperactive disorder I see that maybe the Dr’s werent so far of all those years ago. In laymans terms however all that means is my ass cant always pay attention for long periods of time. I may be looking straight at you, but I promise you I didnt hear anything you said. Also I tend to get hyper & goofy (at the worst possible times) if I’ve had to stay quiet and subtle for to long.

-Im random & sporadic.
All. The. Damn. Time. Legit its hard as hell for me to make my mind up most of the time and normally when I’ve made up my mind it usually changes within the next minute or two. This applies to just about every aspect of my life. So most of the time I go with the flow.

-Attention whore.
I need attention, I wouldnt say I need alot of attention cause sometimes people creep me out but if I feel like your attention is divided.. Well lets just say, you would have been better off ignoring me. So if u take hours & days to respond dont be shocked when I cut you off.

-Im sexually fluid. (*pansexual)
I enjoy femininity & masculinity. So no im not gay but i wouldnt exactly fit in the hetrosexual category either. So if your one of those people thats all hopped on the gender binary, toxic masculinity views & ideas etc. Pleaseeeee stay far away from me. Keep your labels to yourself and your cans.

And the most important deal breaker of them all….

SERIOUSLY. If you cant understand that there is really nothing else to discuss. Sometimes Im going to leave a party early. Sometimes I am going to sit off to the side at a group setting. Sometimes I’m going to want the house to myself. Sometimes I’m not gonna want you in my personal bubble. Nothing is wrong… OH. MY. GODDDD. NOTHING IS WRONG! I just really enjoy myself more than anyone else on this dying planet.
Well shit got real personal.
Ha ha. Figured most have been around have long enough to learn a little about the man behind the keyboard & give the new comers fair warning about exactly whose blog they stumbled on.

Glad to have yall with me as we go into another year & I hope 2017 is everything you are hoping it will be.
Peace ✌ & blessings ❀

*Taking questions and topic suggestions throughout January via

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Merry.. Er, umm.. Happy uh, ehh..


Sometimes you meet angels. They look like regular people. But something is different; their energy, their vibe. You can feel it. It warms your heart. Gives you a feeling of joy, hope; that the world maybe isnt that bad of a place. I love meeting angels. Especially since the world is lately in such a dark space, filled with so much evil & animosity. I have only been luck enough to meet about 4 angels that I know of. But each was a blessing in its own way. Even if it was only momentarily. As the years pass I see less & less people (myself included) excited or even in a good mood during the holidays. Yes, times are different. Yes, the world has gotten darker. Yes, the holidays are now more commercialized then ever. BUT take it for what its worth. Make the best of it & at the very least be grateful, thankful and joyful that you have lived through this year because sooo many others cannot say the same.

-The Grinch
Taking a small writers hiatus for the holidays… So ill catch everyone up in January.

Merry/Happy whatever you celebrate!!!

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Also adding* for anonymous questions.

Kris meet testosterone.. AGAIN.

DAMNNNN testosterone back at it again with the bullshit!

Soo I refuse to believe that its the air that brought on this sore throat, yup I’m blaming it on our good friend testosterone. But in all seriousness its been a week since starting therapy & I have in the last 2 days have been suffering from a sore itchy throat. I can only describe it as feeling like I swallowed a thick peice of bread and its stuck behind my adam’s apple. Ugh.

Besides that I have had a temper flare up once that I ashamed of to say the least. In general I do find myself raising my voice more than usual & not (at the current moment) caring who I offend or hurt. This is completely different than how I am normally. This time I am being proactive about & being honest with myself knowing that I may have a (slight) problem controlling my temper.

Also my mood in general is VERY sporadic going from mania to depression and back again at random almost blink of the eye speed. Not fully blaming therapy for that because I was diagnosed as bipolar at a very young age, however I will point out that I dont believe the testosterone is helping; blah.

At least 3 of the last 7 days I found myself either taking off the top blanket in the middle of the or pulling off the covers completely. Ew I hate night sweats.

This morning during my morning leak I notice that my penis looked slightly different. Not bigger… Just different, fuller, maybe. Speaking of which, at least one day in the last week I have had an erection nearly all day; starting with morning wood and just never going away. Actually lately my penis has been extra sensitive & its cause some discomfort.

A few whiskers have been sprouting on my jawline but I dont think they are new per say just maybe a little more prominate & darker than before but that could be from finally shaving for the first time since the end of October not completely sure. Lately (within the last 5 months or so) I had experienced a constant spread of peach fuzz from my side burns across my cheeks and along my jawline, so I cant chalk that up to therapy either. Guess we’ll have to play the waiting game to get a clear guess at the cause of this whole “woolly mammoth” thing that I have going on.

Other than that I havent notice any significant changes, but then again I havent really been looking for any either.

7 days & 2 shots in is too soon to tell…

Thanks for dropping by & I hope everyone appreciates the increase in the amounts of blogs.
Till next time, peace & blessings
✌ ❀

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The best is yet to come.,

So Ive been in this crazy new fast paced city for almost a month now & it has been an eye opener to say the least. I have learned sooo much about myself in these last 30 days. Things i thought I could never do on my own I’ve done. Things that bothered me that id never thought I’d have the confidence to speak up about I have. This has truely been a growth experience for me in every way possible; in every way imaginable. I cant really get into detail because its so much & I still cant quite put my finger on exactly what has happened or where the change and epiphany occured but stay tuned I should have it figured out before too long.

Just know if you have been following me since the beginning these blogs to come are from an entirely different man…



Just a little more than 48hrs into therapy and it feels like I’m already coming down with an oh so familiar throat cold. But with these artic new york temperatures it might be an actually cold, eh. Besides that I’ve felt an increase in energy (in a playful childish way) and this morning I woke up with “morning wood”. Still some tenderness near the shot site but that of course was expected since its been over a year for my last injection. Its not overly sore, painful or bothersome, and it actually could be a mind thing.

Had a random thought that this all could be a “mind thing” , like what if i was injected with a mere placebo; regardless of what the dr, script or actually vile said… Who really knows?..

Moving on…

My Dr didnt check my levels unfortunately before my first injection, which I was hoping for, I’ve been curious as to why since the winter started I’ve have this “woolly mammoth” thing going on with my face. But oh well, I’m assuming that she will draw blood and check my levels during my appointment next week.

So to the deets of everything and the jist of me returning to therapy. All of my blood work came back good minus the fact that my bad cholesterol is high and my good cholesterol is low. No big deal. My Dr just advised me to eat less greasy foods & do more cardio, blah.

I am currently on a weekly injection of .25. Seems kinda high for me, but the Dr is the one with the degree so for the time being im just gonna flow with it. If I’m not mistaken last time I was doing injections for therapy it was a biweekly dose of .25. Lets see how this goes..

On the mental side of things I’m slightly worried that going through therapy this time with this amount of testosterone will either bring on physical changes I’m not really keen on happening(anyways) too fast. Also on the backside of that even slightly less worried that it could cause extra testosterone in my body to turn into estrogen (rare cases but it happens). Overall however I have complete faith in my Dr and her knowledge & abilities, so yeah I’m gonna chill; kick my feet up and see what happens.

So now onto the changes…


Come on guys, its only been 2 days, ha ha.

But seriously even though I’m neither stupidly excited nor dreadfully fearfull I’ll make sure to keep my readers posted & try to keep up with all (if any) changes.

I appreciate all my readers; whether you drop by once in a while to catch up or if you’re subcribe to stay up to date in real time (*which by the way I sometimes blog days in advances before I actually post) with all my blogs. I know I dont many (if any) of you personally but it does mean quite alot to me knowing that some one some where is intrigued with me or my story enough to stop by and read my words. Yall are the real MVPs. πŸ˜ƒ

Again like always, thanks for stopping by..

PS: If you have been looking for my vlogs on youtube, I havent forgot, I’m just waiting for my very special editor to free up some time cause I suck at editing (and recording). But hopefully I will have something up no later than the new year. Its the holidays; bear with me people…

Till next time ✌..
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Today is the day!

Welp, today is finally here. I have a doctor appointment this afternoon to start horomone replacement therapy. A few weeks ago a had blood drawn for my labs. The regular check my levels, liver, blood count etc. So if everything comes back accordingly today I should be getting my script for testosterone.

Mentally speaking I am somewhat anxious just for the fact that therapy will bring on several changes mentally and physically. Glad I already know what to expect as far as body fat redistribution, mood swings, body masculinization, growth, body hair increase, body temperature and odor changes etc. But going into therapy this time knowing Im in it for the long haul has me uneasy.
If you have been following my blogs for quite sometime then you know that staying in therapy long term has been somewhat challenging. Usually discontinuing therapy was a result of either a lack of funds or a lack of desire, mostly the latter. Im not sure if I said this before but I’m not completely content with taking a bi weekly shot of testosterone or a daily dose of topical testosterone for the rest of my life. Not having a deep voice or a full beard would not make me dysphoric. I stand firm with my beliefs that it takes wayyyy more than that to be a man. So with that being said Im still not completely sold with taking testosterone for the rest of my life, however I will consider it & also set goals and a timeline to decide when/if I will discontinue therapy. I do no want to nor do I plan on being in therapy my entire life.
If you know me personally then you know I switch my mind like night and day & nothing personally is set it stone. So I guess if you really want to know how everything turns out you’ll have to follow my blogs/vlogs to stay up to date.

Thanks for sticking around this long

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Well, well, well…

Peace & blessings readers. Again I apologize for my tardiness. Handling the culture shock, my recent separation & the struggles of starting over has been leaving me too drained to blog, vlog or anything else for that matter.Β  But I have made the decision to push through it all and keep fighting; which brings me here. Ha ha.

Sooooo where to start?…

Let’s start of with the level of cultural shock that I am experiencing from moving from the dirty south to the damn north pole. Weather. I am in total shock that my body has fought off developing any kind of cold. I did take the precaution and get a flu shot this winter. Yea yea I know I have no idea whats in the needle,Β  but shit I’m miserable enough with the freezing temperatures & disrespectful ass wind chills. I dont want to speak too soon but I believe my immune system is handling the cold better than my body and attitude. Have you ever cussed the wind out? Moved to New York , I swear you will several times a day.

As far as interpersonal cultural shock it is entirely waayyyy too crowded out here. From the streets to public transportation. Ugh, people. Took me a few days and a lot of deep breaths but I’m not as anxious as I was when i first arrive 2 weeks ago. Still trying to understanding the. “Lingo”. “Deadass” “lit” “tight” but I’m coming around with the help of my translator. The amount of police (ops) out here was unnerving at first but now i feel a little more safe I suppose. Witnessing the ignorance in New Orleans go from a gesture to a slur to a fight to a shoot out, and then in New York seeing it rarely escalate to more than a simple shrug and a walk away… Well, woooowwww, is all I can say.

On a personally level my anxiety and bipolar symptoms are at an all time high but it’s ok because its teaching me to have more self control and at the least selfawarenes of my feelings and emotions. In good progress in a few days I will be sitting in a doctor’s office in the Bronx getting poked and proded in order to begin therapy again. Im excited and nervous but happy more than anything.

Do I feel homesick?..
Eh, at times I feel homesick & sometimes I feel really homesick. Usually when I need a translator for a normal conversation or when I get lost on the subway or when I have the urge to hear the beat. Its usually only for a moment because all the bright lights and hustle and bussle of the big city is a huge distraction from missing my past.

On a more deeper personal level (not going into details) I have learned sooo much about myself as far as what I want, what I dont want & how much it usually doesn’t matter. Working on all of that and growing everyday is proving to be a challenging journey with no particular destination but nevertheless I journey that is welcomed with open arms & one that has been long overdue.

Well, thats all for now; hopefully my next blog entry will be a little more structured. But then again with a guy like me, you never know. Till next time everyone.

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Anonymous, anonymously.

Peace & love everyone and welcome back to your scheduled programming.

Trying something new today.
An anonymous young transman asked me what were the do’s & don’ts of courting, dating etc, a transwoman.
So this made me think; why not blog about this topic, because I dont see as much real life advice on transcouples from either spectrum as I would like.

Now before I even get started…
For those of you who don’t know me, I want to make it perfectly clear these are just my opinions and some lack first hand experience.
And in no way am I saying that dating a transwoman is different than dating a onegender woman, because in the end they are both women.
However being transgender (mtf or ftm) comes with trials that a onegender person might have a hard time fully understanding. Also not saying that is a pro or a con.

On a personal level I havent a had an sexual relationship with a transwoman so I cant speak on that aspect of the question from personal experience.
But as a transgender identifying individual I would suggest always asking when in doubt because you never know what a specific person finds triggering.

I have been intimate before. Like in personal space, touchy kinda way. Meaning I’ve cuddled, spooned and occasionally groped. Again, if you dont how (or even if) a person likes their gentials to be touched or referred to, just ask.
“The more you know!”

Every woman is different. Just show her the same love & affection you would want in return.

But for the stuff the I can only imagine to be general since I havent really “been around” and dont want to generalize all women from a handful of my experiences.

Again my opinions & views..

Just like anyone in transistion there are level to this ish. Some women are at different stages, some take different paths etc.
Hopefully you arent just planning on jumping into bed with this woman before you get to know her.(but if you’re in to that cool im not here to judge) Small conversations getting to know her is always helpful & most women disclose the specs earlier on.

Realize this fellaz, just like we go through our struggle; peach fuzz days, painful long binding days, days were you’re just not feeling your skin suit, these beautiful ladies go through things too. Just be mindful of that.

I thought about puttin a list up to kind of compare and contrast but i refuse to put a trigger warning on my blog.. Ugh.

Annnnnd try not to get triggered….GO!!

Guys like us sometimes have issues with growing a thick “passable” beards, blame genetics.
*Girls like us sometimes have issues with hair bumps & cannot close shave everyday

Guys like us sometimes still have a menstrual cycle, in can be embarrassing especially around a partner.
*Girls like us sometimes have morning erections time to time, it can be embarrassing especially around a partner.

Binding for too long can be painful for guys like us, sometimes performing certain upper body movements hurts
*Tucking for too long can be painful for girls like us, sometimes sitting a certain way hurts.

(short list)
([*] these statements are not quoted from any transwoman & are simply educated assumptions)

Like I said I personal cant give much detailed advice. But just treat her as you would want be treated.

Love is love.
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YT: Mr Iman King

Here’s the stitch, society has gotten to me…

More??? Yes. Much, much more.

So a few days ago I was hanging out with a very close friend. Long story short, she ended up having a few errands to run. And what better way to travel than *Lyft.

This was in my hometown of new orleans around 1800hrs after fall daylight savings time.. So fair enough to say it was already pretty dark when we left her house.

We leave out the door and begin to walk to the road because the house sits back from the sidewalk quite a ways away. She timed it so by the time we reached the street the driver would be pulling up. Instead of them arriving at our location & then us walking out her front door.

The walk from the door to the street isn’t the most well lit or with the clearest visability to see who is approaching.

I dont ride in uber or lyft that often but I am aware through small experiences that if you are not in sight when they arrive they will pull off. I can understand that, thats basically any paid ride. Snooze you lose.

But halfway through the front yard she tell me to take my hood off. (im wearing all black) She had a point and considering the time amerikkka is in it was very much valid. I took my hood down but the whole ride I couldnt let go of the feeling. The feeling that my life could possibly be in danger should I choose to go out at night in all black with a hoodie on.

I supposed it lingered because not even 2 weeks ago I had a similar experience with my mom. Again it was dark outside but actually not that late, maybe 6 or 7 o’clock.

We were entering her condominiums (which you cannot enter with out a physical key) and I had on my favorite blue jeans and dark grey jean vest. My jean vest has a removal black hood. Of course I have the hood on. Why not, I havent done anything wrong & I’m not hiding from anyone.

Halfway up the second flight of stairs leading into her apartment she says “boy you gone get in trouble with that hood on like that.” I immediately took it down. Even though beside all the circumstances that would keep someone who isn’t supposed to be on the property out. She had told me prior that there is at least 3 NOPD officers that stay in the building.

I remember when I was younger; playing outside or going somewhere after dark. The reason that was instilled in me not to wear dark colors at night was because cars would have a difficult time seeing me, should I happen to be playing in the street. Not because I would “fit a description of a ‘suspect'”. Simply for the obvious, dark colors are hard to see at night.

Then I think to the times my mother would tell me take my hood down. As far as I can remember it was only when I entered someones home or establishment. Still not because I “look like a ‘thug'” but for the same reason you remove your hat in the presence of a lady or walkin into someone’s house, church or business.

Then recently in a greyhound terminal I felt several eyes on me constantly. When I paid attention, I notice it was more than just a “feeling”.
I brushed it off and figured it was because I was dead leg walking from being cramped up on a bus for 10hrs.
After leaving out the restroom & finding me a seat to wait out the layover I notice a sign on the wall: “No hoods on inside the terminal.”

I removed my hood because I really wasn’t in the mood to be reprimanded like a child for not following simple (but dumb) rules. What caught my attention is when I later got up to go to the water fountain all of the stares were gone.

Has amerikkka really become that much of a pussy that a MOC wearing a black hoodie with the hood up in a public place is such dangerous thing??

What bothers me the most is not that the general public feels some type of way; but that should I come in contact with a police officer as a black man in a hoodie my life could be in danger. And if I was shot down by an officer of the law they would get paid suspension and I will just be another injustice & a another black man on a R.I.P. shirt.

Its actually been this way for quite some time now but only recently has it actually struck fear in my heart. Not because my life could be unjustly taken from me by someone who swore an oath to protect and serve but because my murderer would more than likely face no consequences.

I will still walk with pride no matter what I’m wearing; I’m just not gunhoe about dieing when I have committed no crimes.

But this is the amerikkka we live in…

Stay safe my people of color; fight, but dont lose your life.