Peace & blessings readers. Good to see you came back.
Today I am going to discuss my opinion on the difference in being “stealth” vs “dont ask, dont tell.”
First let me explain what I personally mean about the terms I am using.
To me being stealth as a trans individual means that you do not disclose the information that you are transgender at anytime. And if questioned; denying your trans status. Basically, pretending to be cisgender.( not really big on that term ugh ) Again that is my definition of being stealth. The actual definition from our community may in fact be different.
Now when I say, “dont ask, dont tell” I am referring this to a transgender individual that is perceived by society as a cisgender *passable/unclockable* (still dont like the term). However if asked in a respectful way will disclose the fact that they are in fact transgender.
People choose stealth life or DADT for their own personal reasons. Just like those who are unapologetically themselves and live out loud.
Where do I fit at in this equation???
Allow me to give you some background about me. When I first began my transition I was in between jobs. At the time I was not “passing” (not big on that term either) as well as I do now. So some interviews I was viewed as a male & others I was viewed as female. Which was challenging and frustrating of course. I’ll stick a pin in this topic & maybe do a vlog on my youtube channel about interviews as trans identified or coming out as trans at a current job.
Anyways, I ended up landing a position at a local raising canes. My GM & shift managers were aware of my trans “status” but as far as coworkers they were still somewhat in the dark. If I was misgendered by a smartass I quickly corrected them and it wasnt a problem there after. As I became close to some of the other employees the question of course arose. I never denied the gender I was assigned at birth but I also firmly lived in my truth.
Fast fowarding (cause I feel like Im rambling) to my current job at Harrahs casino. Now that I am closer to my 3rd year of transitioning. “Passing” is a thing of the past. During the entire interviewing & hiring process I am read for the male I am. I work in the EVS department & my job description causes me to be in and out of restrooms & locker rooms. So of course I supervise the bathroom that I would normally use. Mens restroom, mens locker room.
After I completed the hiring process & finished my 3 days of orientation I went to human resources to let them know that I was in fact transgender. I ONLY did this because I would be in and out of mens rooms and I didnt know how they handled something like that as far as legal department. Lets face it Louisiana has no Trans laws to protect us. Also I rather know sooner than later if it was gonna be a problem. Which it wasnt at all yayyyy. And to my surprise I was informed that there is other trans identifying individuals already employed here.
Getting off topic, my apologies.
Personally I would consider myself as DADT & not stealth. I have been working here just shy of 3 months. Other then HR no one else (to my knowledge anyways) knows that I am transgender. Not my supervisor, leads or coworkers. My gender identity has not been brought up or questioned. BUT if I am asked I will NOT lie NOR go out of my way to hide the fact that I am a transgender male.
In my opinion with stealth and DADT the difference starts & ends with your response when/if your gender identity is questioned. Not knocking anyone that lives stealth, DADT or flamboyantly outloud. To each their own and we all have our own reasoning behind our lifestyle choices. There are pros & cons to each choice, do whats best for you.
For me… I dont climb on top a building everyday and shout ” IM A TRANSGENDER MALE!!!”, but if I felt like it or my brothers needed me to stand with them in solidarity.. Im there in pink, white & blue!!
I hope I have provided clarity on my views and opinons about living stealth & how I choose to live my truth.
And if I havent, feel free to ask me to elaborate.
As always follow me on social media.
Fb: Kristian King
Thanks again for looking through the peephole. Until next time…